It is (would have been?) my seventh wedding anniversary today. I feel numb. I almost forgot about today being special at all. Then I got an email that reminded me of today's meaning. It stung...but was far away at the same time.
As I write this, the realization of today's meaning is finally setting in. Maybe on the side of depression. I don't know yet. I do know that it has been three years since he died. Three. Years.
I haven't done much in the past three years. I haven't actually made much money from my business. I have only lost friends, not gained any. My faith is a joke. My weight is extreme. My dog's training has fallen down.
What have I done? I got a dog. I am working on the weight. I actually got a business up and running (mostly running). I got some housework done. I have a garden. I wrote a book...sorta.
I guess that there are ups and downs to life. Most days it beats the alternative. Some days are harder than others. Some days are much harder than others.
Today started out as just another day. Another day to sit, watch the dog, watch Netflix, brush up on technical writing stuff, surf the web, and swim. Okay, I admit it, and Pokemon-ing. It ended up with me alternating staring off into space--numb--with crying, sometimes overlapping. It feels strange, yet the same.
And that whole last paragraph gets me teared up again. Dammit. I just need to keep myself busy. My near future involves listening to the dog snore, watching Netflix, and playing Pokemon Go from my chair. More walks will happen once my legs are back to being happy. Tomorrow hopefully. It has been a week of solid walks every day except when I swim.
And I am rambling again. Time to wrap this up. Moral of the story: some days are harder than others.
Monday, July 18, 2016
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Ramblings, Gardening, and Pokemon
The past week I have been on the hyper side of things. So now I am fighting
off that restlessness with writing. This is when I do my most prolific
writing--not necessarily better, just lots of it. I have been getting things
done. I got a large part of a two hundred page book. A normal writing day for
me could be 1000 to 2000 words on a short story. I was writing 10000 a day.
Writing is an outlet for my hyperactive tendencies.
So that leads me here, writing about nothing much at all.
I was out in the garden today, admiring the tomatoes and corn and vines. Then I saw it: the perfect tomato. It was the biggest I have ever grown in over five years of serious gardening. On the grand scheme of things it was not very big--only filling my hand--but here in the desert that is a great accomplishment. The heat shrinks the skins and makes them stunted, cracking them if the watering isn't consistent. I am proud of myself! Okay, I am also proud of my neighbor who helps me out a lot in my yard, weeding, mowing (weed whacking is more like it), and making sure everything gets watered. Yes, my water bill suffers from my gardening tendencies. I think that it is a fair trade-off for greenery that produces food at the same time as it is green in the brown of the surrounding areas.
Do I think that gardening here is water responsible? Not particularly. But do I think that it is better than a lawn? Hell yes! What is in the garden? Grapes, pomegranates, peaches, plums, and nectarines on the bush/tree front. These last four are still in the beginning stages of growing so no fruit yet. The garden has corn, watermelons, squash, and cantaloupe on one bed. The spring garden had turnips, beets, carrots, and lettuce. The last one has tomatoes, chile peppers, Thai basil, and marigolds. Lots of food to keep me busy. Would it be easier and cheaper to just buy the produce? Yes. Would I be happy with a basic brown sand garden? Hell no!
In other news, I took the walk today on the spur of the moment thanks to "Pokemon Go." I am not an addict yet, but I am solidly hooked. It makes the time pass quickly while walking and getting rewarded for something that I should be doing anyway. It gets me out and moving in routes that I normally would not take. I also get to see lots of other people who are doing the same thing. It also gets me out to longer walks to get to Pokemon landmarks. Finally, it gives me motivation to get special items and pets. Do these things make a darn difference in my life or are they just useless rewards? I am all about the useless rewards!
My last useless reward system was my Garmen VivoFit meter. It counts my steps as well as my sleep. I can look at if I met my goal and feel better or try more depending on the results. One before that was SparkPeople's Spark Points for logging food eaten and exercise. Back then the Spark Points helped me lose over 50 pounds. (Right now I am using some of the features of SparkPeople for my most recent weight loss efforts.) The points mean nothing, but they are points to earn.
The Nutrisystem tracker doesn't have as much of the point factor as the other two systems, but it does make tracking simple. I thought about just using Spark for my tracking system, but if I need assistance later through the NS help line I have all my foods logged.
So there you have it, a bit of everything.
So that leads me here, writing about nothing much at all.
I was out in the garden today, admiring the tomatoes and corn and vines. Then I saw it: the perfect tomato. It was the biggest I have ever grown in over five years of serious gardening. On the grand scheme of things it was not very big--only filling my hand--but here in the desert that is a great accomplishment. The heat shrinks the skins and makes them stunted, cracking them if the watering isn't consistent. I am proud of myself! Okay, I am also proud of my neighbor who helps me out a lot in my yard, weeding, mowing (weed whacking is more like it), and making sure everything gets watered. Yes, my water bill suffers from my gardening tendencies. I think that it is a fair trade-off for greenery that produces food at the same time as it is green in the brown of the surrounding areas.
Do I think that gardening here is water responsible? Not particularly. But do I think that it is better than a lawn? Hell yes! What is in the garden? Grapes, pomegranates, peaches, plums, and nectarines on the bush/tree front. These last four are still in the beginning stages of growing so no fruit yet. The garden has corn, watermelons, squash, and cantaloupe on one bed. The spring garden had turnips, beets, carrots, and lettuce. The last one has tomatoes, chile peppers, Thai basil, and marigolds. Lots of food to keep me busy. Would it be easier and cheaper to just buy the produce? Yes. Would I be happy with a basic brown sand garden? Hell no!
In other news, I took the walk today on the spur of the moment thanks to "Pokemon Go." I am not an addict yet, but I am solidly hooked. It makes the time pass quickly while walking and getting rewarded for something that I should be doing anyway. It gets me out and moving in routes that I normally would not take. I also get to see lots of other people who are doing the same thing. It also gets me out to longer walks to get to Pokemon landmarks. Finally, it gives me motivation to get special items and pets. Do these things make a darn difference in my life or are they just useless rewards? I am all about the useless rewards!
My last useless reward system was my Garmen VivoFit meter. It counts my steps as well as my sleep. I can look at if I met my goal and feel better or try more depending on the results. One before that was SparkPeople's Spark Points for logging food eaten and exercise. Back then the Spark Points helped me lose over 50 pounds. (Right now I am using some of the features of SparkPeople for my most recent weight loss efforts.) The points mean nothing, but they are points to earn.
The Nutrisystem tracker doesn't have as much of the point factor as the other two systems, but it does make tracking simple. I thought about just using Spark for my tracking system, but if I need assistance later through the NS help line I have all my foods logged.
So there you have it, a bit of everything.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Nutrisystem Day 9
It has been over a week now since I started this whole new food thing. So far--between my trip just prior to starting Nutrisystem and the last 9 days--I have lost about seven pounds. Not bad for two and a half weeks. Granted, most of that is water weight, which is why they can advertise their great one month totals. Still, I will take what I can get.
I have set up incentives for myself along the way. My very first "reward" was my starting gift to me of new walking shoes. I can't believe how much more comfortable walking is with properly fitted shoes! I got the first actual reward already--225 lbs. Every five pounds I have something set up. I am getting a video game for when I hit 220, I will not be able to play it till I get there. Some things on my list: movies from Amazon Prime (every ten pounds), a trip to T or C hot springs (200), real hairdo (190), mini vacation (180) , and the big one: breast reduction surgery. I have to be lower than 160 for that last one and I can't wait to get my back, chest, and shoulders in working order--something I haven't had since I was eleven.
Two things have helped me along on this journey: walking and swimming. I started swimming over the winter and have not been going nearly as often as I would like. Let's face it, it is hot and high altitude here. I have to take a bath in sunscreen every time I want to take a dip. Walking, on the other hand, I can do early in the morning or late at night without any preparation. The dog also has been enjoying the walks and has better leash manners than ever just in the last ten days.
About that walking; Pokemon Go. I started it last week and already have walked over 10km on it, and that is just the time when I have the app up and running! Nothing like an incentive to walk that is fun and entertaining! I spend about half of my time walking without it, so that is a lot of distance for me. Just last winter I was doing well to walk a half mile or a mile, and now I can do two or three without problems. It is amazing how much stamina you can gain in such a small amount of time. Now if I just get a little smaller I can try jogging again. Right now my joints have no business putting up with that type of strain, especially when my joints are already acting up.
On to the food. So far all the dinners tasted at least acceptable and could be made better by a little salt and pepper or some hot sauce. The bars for lunches are getting old. Next shipment I will switch out some of those for more food-like lunches such as the Creamy Chicken and Noodles. Breakfasts have been tasty, but once again I will switch out some of the bars for things like the almond and pistachio Biscotti Bites.
I have been using the NuMi app that is a tracker much like MyFitnessPal or SparkPeople but with less food entries. It details what type of foods to eat every day. It also lets me change a regular meal into what they call a "Flex Meal" which substitutes one of their entrees for food from a restaurant or home cooked foods. I have a little booklet that has many restaurants listed and order suggestions for Flex Meals--it is great when out an about without a lunch bar or for eating out with family.
I am in manic mode and needing less sleep than usual so I am planning out meals a little farther ahead for the day so that I remember to eat. Keeping up with the vegetables has been hard since I don't have the hunger to be munching all day. As long as I am following the plan correctly I don't get hungry or have slumps during the day.
But.
If I know I am going to be eating out I sometimes save up a snack or two so that I can have a bigger portion for the meal. This can backfire for me by making me more hungry at the next meal or, even worse, make my blood sugar crash. I have been noticing that I have much less of a problem with hypoglycemia when I am following the plan. Now when I don't eat on time I get shaky, impulsive, angry, and frustrated (only made worse when I am hypo-manic like right now). Easy to fix--just eat--but sometimes it is inconvenient to say the least. I am not sure if I am more susceptible to the hypoglycemia now because of the reduced calories or because my body has gotten used to only going without food for a few hours.
So there you have it. Week one-and-a-smidge.
I have set up incentives for myself along the way. My very first "reward" was my starting gift to me of new walking shoes. I can't believe how much more comfortable walking is with properly fitted shoes! I got the first actual reward already--225 lbs. Every five pounds I have something set up. I am getting a video game for when I hit 220, I will not be able to play it till I get there. Some things on my list: movies from Amazon Prime (every ten pounds), a trip to T or C hot springs (200), real hairdo (190), mini vacation (180) , and the big one: breast reduction surgery. I have to be lower than 160 for that last one and I can't wait to get my back, chest, and shoulders in working order--something I haven't had since I was eleven.
Two things have helped me along on this journey: walking and swimming. I started swimming over the winter and have not been going nearly as often as I would like. Let's face it, it is hot and high altitude here. I have to take a bath in sunscreen every time I want to take a dip. Walking, on the other hand, I can do early in the morning or late at night without any preparation. The dog also has been enjoying the walks and has better leash manners than ever just in the last ten days.
About that walking; Pokemon Go. I started it last week and already have walked over 10km on it, and that is just the time when I have the app up and running! Nothing like an incentive to walk that is fun and entertaining! I spend about half of my time walking without it, so that is a lot of distance for me. Just last winter I was doing well to walk a half mile or a mile, and now I can do two or three without problems. It is amazing how much stamina you can gain in such a small amount of time. Now if I just get a little smaller I can try jogging again. Right now my joints have no business putting up with that type of strain, especially when my joints are already acting up.
On to the food. So far all the dinners tasted at least acceptable and could be made better by a little salt and pepper or some hot sauce. The bars for lunches are getting old. Next shipment I will switch out some of those for more food-like lunches such as the Creamy Chicken and Noodles. Breakfasts have been tasty, but once again I will switch out some of the bars for things like the almond and pistachio Biscotti Bites.
I have been using the NuMi app that is a tracker much like MyFitnessPal or SparkPeople but with less food entries. It details what type of foods to eat every day. It also lets me change a regular meal into what they call a "Flex Meal" which substitutes one of their entrees for food from a restaurant or home cooked foods. I have a little booklet that has many restaurants listed and order suggestions for Flex Meals--it is great when out an about without a lunch bar or for eating out with family.
I am in manic mode and needing less sleep than usual so I am planning out meals a little farther ahead for the day so that I remember to eat. Keeping up with the vegetables has been hard since I don't have the hunger to be munching all day. As long as I am following the plan correctly I don't get hungry or have slumps during the day.
But.
If I know I am going to be eating out I sometimes save up a snack or two so that I can have a bigger portion for the meal. This can backfire for me by making me more hungry at the next meal or, even worse, make my blood sugar crash. I have been noticing that I have much less of a problem with hypoglycemia when I am following the plan. Now when I don't eat on time I get shaky, impulsive, angry, and frustrated (only made worse when I am hypo-manic like right now). Easy to fix--just eat--but sometimes it is inconvenient to say the least. I am not sure if I am more susceptible to the hypoglycemia now because of the reduced calories or because my body has gotten used to only going without food for a few hours.
So there you have it. Week one-and-a-smidge.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Day Three of Nutrisystem
I got this far without trouble. Three whole days. Then I got to lunch today and am choking down a chocolate graham bar. I will keep with this, but I sincerely hope that other foods are not as bad as this one.
In other news, last night I only got about half the sleep I normally get. I woke up and walked just shy of two miles--pretty darn far for me--before 8am. I am sitting here and not hungry despite yesterday wanting to eat everything in sight. (I stayed true to the diet though. Lots of veggies were my friends.)
.
I am supposed to eat four servings of veggies per day. Yesterday I think I must have had about twelve servings because I was so hungry. Today, nada so far. No hunger, just food because it is scheduled. Maybe this is a good thing.
Last time I got on this ride of not eating I had people worried about me. It only lasted a week but I pretty much stopped eating. We are talking 400-600 calories per day. I didn't lose weight, but I did lose mental functioning. As it turns out bodies in starvation mode don't burn calories or fat. But then again, I had a focus. Don't eat, lose weight. Repeat.
This time it is different. This time I don't have a choice to eat. I follow the program and follow the rules, no cooking needed. Veggies will come later today, need them or not. Till then, I'll eat the food and hope that dinner is better than lunch.
In other news, last night I only got about half the sleep I normally get. I woke up and walked just shy of two miles--pretty darn far for me--before 8am. I am sitting here and not hungry despite yesterday wanting to eat everything in sight. (I stayed true to the diet though. Lots of veggies were my friends.)
.
I am supposed to eat four servings of veggies per day. Yesterday I think I must have had about twelve servings because I was so hungry. Today, nada so far. No hunger, just food because it is scheduled. Maybe this is a good thing.
Last time I got on this ride of not eating I had people worried about me. It only lasted a week but I pretty much stopped eating. We are talking 400-600 calories per day. I didn't lose weight, but I did lose mental functioning. As it turns out bodies in starvation mode don't burn calories or fat. But then again, I had a focus. Don't eat, lose weight. Repeat.
This time it is different. This time I don't have a choice to eat. I follow the program and follow the rules, no cooking needed. Veggies will come later today, need them or not. Till then, I'll eat the food and hope that dinner is better than lunch.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Weight Loss, a New Start
It has been three years. In that time I have gained over 90 pounds. Ninety. I have tried off and on to lose that weight over the years.
Yes, I can lose weight on my own. I lost forty pounds and got down to 150 and held it there for two years, then Jason got worse. My weight dropped even more, down to unhealthy levels for me. Then he died.
There was no one to take care of except for myself. I started eating out of stress.
On to the eating change. My plan is to do Nutrisystem for the first two to three months then wean myself off to my own food again once I am used to real portions of food. That is when I start to use SparkPeople food tracker again and monitor my food intake there.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not really happy eating pre-packaged nutri-food, but I know that it works from other people's experiences. The hard part is keeping it off after quitting. Hence, I have chosen to do this for just a few months and then go on to real food with realistic portions.
I have about 80 pounds to lose as of two weeks ago when I weighed myself. Not quite the 100 pound success stories that you hear about, but it will be a ten pound success, followed by another, then another till I get to where I want to be.
I managed to lose about five pounds during a road trip with my father. We were on a fairly regimented schedule with a lot of fruit and veggies to munch on. There was also a lot of candy and Coke, but I managed to get through with success. Far more success than I was expecting as I was just hoping to not gain any more weight.
Fast forward to three days ago when I got my shipment of Nutrisystem. There were all sorts of options to include in the foods for the month and I also have a first week of Turbo Takeoff. The Turbo Takeoff has breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus two shakes a day and I can add all the veggies I can stuff into my mouth.
I am sick of veggies.
Okay, so not really, but I am eating a ton of them every day. About the time I feel hungry I add in a giant salad with carrots and cucumbers. I do add in a little low calorie dressing, which is not in the program rules, but I like to have the veggies be absorbed by combining them with a small amount of fat. I do think that I need to subscribe to one of those boxes of produce that are available down here.
One of the things that I am not so sure about is that there are a lot of extras that need to be added in once I am in the main plan instead of the first week. It sounds a little confusing, but I think I will figure it out by week two.
To sum up: 80 pounds to lose, Nutrisystem for the first two to three months, eating well after knowing portion control (using my old pal, SparkPeople tracker).
Yes, I can lose weight on my own. I lost forty pounds and got down to 150 and held it there for two years, then Jason got worse. My weight dropped even more, down to unhealthy levels for me. Then he died.
There was no one to take care of except for myself. I started eating out of stress.
On to the eating change. My plan is to do Nutrisystem for the first two to three months then wean myself off to my own food again once I am used to real portions of food. That is when I start to use SparkPeople food tracker again and monitor my food intake there.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not really happy eating pre-packaged nutri-food, but I know that it works from other people's experiences. The hard part is keeping it off after quitting. Hence, I have chosen to do this for just a few months and then go on to real food with realistic portions.
I have about 80 pounds to lose as of two weeks ago when I weighed myself. Not quite the 100 pound success stories that you hear about, but it will be a ten pound success, followed by another, then another till I get to where I want to be.
I managed to lose about five pounds during a road trip with my father. We were on a fairly regimented schedule with a lot of fruit and veggies to munch on. There was also a lot of candy and Coke, but I managed to get through with success. Far more success than I was expecting as I was just hoping to not gain any more weight.
Fast forward to three days ago when I got my shipment of Nutrisystem. There were all sorts of options to include in the foods for the month and I also have a first week of Turbo Takeoff. The Turbo Takeoff has breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus two shakes a day and I can add all the veggies I can stuff into my mouth.
I am sick of veggies.
Okay, so not really, but I am eating a ton of them every day. About the time I feel hungry I add in a giant salad with carrots and cucumbers. I do add in a little low calorie dressing, which is not in the program rules, but I like to have the veggies be absorbed by combining them with a small amount of fat. I do think that I need to subscribe to one of those boxes of produce that are available down here.
One of the things that I am not so sure about is that there are a lot of extras that need to be added in once I am in the main plan instead of the first week. It sounds a little confusing, but I think I will figure it out by week two.
To sum up: 80 pounds to lose, Nutrisystem for the first two to three months, eating well after knowing portion control (using my old pal, SparkPeople tracker).
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Anniversaries and Squeaky Wheels
Achievement Unlocked: One Year a Widow!
The end of last month was the one year anniversary of my husband's passing. While I was a little more insane than usual, it was not anywhere near as bad I figured it would be. That could be due to staying at my parents' house to lessen the stress, or the different stress of my dog going lame and needing emergency treatment on the same day as the anniversary.
How can added stress help alleviate existing stress?
Easy: distraction.
I was too busy worrying about my pooch being unable to stand to dwell on the past.
That is not to say that there weren't some serious arguments, complete with cussing, at the deity of my choice (no answers, so it was a rather one-sided argument). It can be summed up in one profanity-free sentence, "Dear God, don't let me have two reasons to mourn on this date!"
Link, my 15 month old dog, did end up being alright--albeit very sore--from what I now know to be arthritic damage from past injuries. He is probably going to need surgery at some point, but for now he is just going to have to be on meds and restricted puppy activity.
In addition to that one night of insanity, I have had several short bouts of random craziness, especially at night when I start to analyze things that must, should, could, or might happen. Brains really should come with an off button! During the day there are lots of distractions to keep my brain from running circles like a mouse on a squeaky wheel, but at night...squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak!
So I write in my journal and dump as much of the worry and planning and random thoughts onto paper so my brain has less to think about. Less mouse food I guess! It has worked for over eight years, and I don't see myself giving it up with how well it keeps me sane. The scribbling keeps the mouse at bay, or at least keeps the squeaking to a minimum.
The soft contented doggie snores next to me reassure me that I am doing something good, even if it is just making an abandoned and unloved pup have as good of a life as he can possibly have. That is good enough for me. And that feeling helps me deal with pain from past loss, all the better.
Link is welcome in my Widowdom as long as he wants to be here, and heck, I think I have this whole caring-for-damaged-beings down to a science now. I am even finally learning to take care of my own slightly-damaged self! Damage just serves to build character--not that I need any more--and wisdom--which I can always use more of.
The end of last month was the one year anniversary of my husband's passing. While I was a little more insane than usual, it was not anywhere near as bad I figured it would be. That could be due to staying at my parents' house to lessen the stress, or the different stress of my dog going lame and needing emergency treatment on the same day as the anniversary.
How can added stress help alleviate existing stress?
Easy: distraction.
I was too busy worrying about my pooch being unable to stand to dwell on the past.
That is not to say that there weren't some serious arguments, complete with cussing, at the deity of my choice (no answers, so it was a rather one-sided argument). It can be summed up in one profanity-free sentence, "Dear God, don't let me have two reasons to mourn on this date!"
Link, my 15 month old dog, did end up being alright--albeit very sore--from what I now know to be arthritic damage from past injuries. He is probably going to need surgery at some point, but for now he is just going to have to be on meds and restricted puppy activity.
In addition to that one night of insanity, I have had several short bouts of random craziness, especially at night when I start to analyze things that must, should, could, or might happen. Brains really should come with an off button! During the day there are lots of distractions to keep my brain from running circles like a mouse on a squeaky wheel, but at night...squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak!
So I write in my journal and dump as much of the worry and planning and random thoughts onto paper so my brain has less to think about. Less mouse food I guess! It has worked for over eight years, and I don't see myself giving it up with how well it keeps me sane. The scribbling keeps the mouse at bay, or at least keeps the squeaking to a minimum.
 a |
| Link AKA the Snoring Blanket Hog |
Link is welcome in my Widowdom as long as he wants to be here, and heck, I think I have this whole caring-for-damaged-beings down to a science now. I am even finally learning to take care of my own slightly-damaged self! Damage just serves to build character--not that I need any more--and wisdom--which I can always use more of.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Yesterday was NCD Day--National Chocolate Discount Day (which conveniently follows Valentine's Day)--and I am proud to say that I did NOT partake of the festivities. Granted, that was because I ran out of energy to go to the store, but it still was a mile-marker of sorts for the passing of time.
I do have to say that Valentine's Day is not a real mental problem day for me. My late husband and I never really gave it much thought as we pretty much scheduled our holidays when both of our bodies were cooperating (which is harder than it sounds). BUT, we did always go shopping for goodies the day after.
Maybe that is why I avoided it yesterday, and I just kept busy to avoid thinking. Or maybe I was tired of watching my waistline increase over the last year and skipped the chance to get more candy. I like that second reason better.
In good news, I am starting to think that my dog really is a life-saver. My life. He keeps me going on days that I just want to curl up and ignore the world. He pushes me to get out into the world and just GO, even if it is just for a two-block walk in the neighborhood. Even on days when lousy health is combined with mental funk, he noses me into moving, makes me grin, and laugh out loud when those are the last things I want to do.
At the moment, he is reminding me that a healthy sleep schedule is good for me by looking up with big brown eyes and yawning big before pawing gently at my leg and going back to sleep next to me. Does he do it on purpose? Oh, probably not. But it sure is nice to have him nudging me along.
Do I suggest every grieving person run out and get themselves a brand new puppy? Heck no! I had given up for the time on getting a pet when I got adopted by my (at that time very malnourished) pup. If I had a full time job or children to juggle I probably would not have even kept him... probably. But I was lacking a daily grounding motive--what kids or a daily work routine provides for many people.
The morning of NCD Day I wanted to alternate snoozing in bed with slouching around in pajamas, but the dog's soft chirp escalated into a whine insisting that it was time to get up and go. So, instead of staying in bed or going for a quick trip down to the supermarket, I was out hobbling around a dog training class. I was out in a park socializing with strangers (read: avoiding doing other tasks that I didn't really want to do). I was listening to the squawk of sandhill cranes and Canadian geese. And I was giggling out loud at my dog trying (and occasionally managing) to catch flying objects with his paws.
There are days that I press the snooze button and kick the pooch out to romp on his own in the yard, but I a grateful that the fuzzy fifty-pound alarm clock decided to adopt me. And that he made my NCD Day much more pleasant than it would have been--pile of chocolate or no.
 |
| Flowers? Bah! Gimme Chocolate! |
Maybe that is why I avoided it yesterday, and I just kept busy to avoid thinking. Or maybe I was tired of watching my waistline increase over the last year and skipped the chance to get more candy. I like that second reason better.
In good news, I am starting to think that my dog really is a life-saver. My life. He keeps me going on days that I just want to curl up and ignore the world. He pushes me to get out into the world and just GO, even if it is just for a two-block walk in the neighborhood. Even on days when lousy health is combined with mental funk, he noses me into moving, makes me grin, and laugh out loud when those are the last things I want to do.
 |
| My Alarm Clock |
Do I suggest every grieving person run out and get themselves a brand new puppy? Heck no! I had given up for the time on getting a pet when I got adopted by my (at that time very malnourished) pup. If I had a full time job or children to juggle I probably would not have even kept him... probably. But I was lacking a daily grounding motive--what kids or a daily work routine provides for many people.
The morning of NCD Day I wanted to alternate snoozing in bed with slouching around in pajamas, but the dog's soft chirp escalated into a whine insisting that it was time to get up and go. So, instead of staying in bed or going for a quick trip down to the supermarket, I was out hobbling around a dog training class. I was out in a park socializing with strangers (read: avoiding doing other tasks that I didn't really want to do). I was listening to the squawk of sandhill cranes and Canadian geese. And I was giggling out loud at my dog trying (and occasionally managing) to catch flying objects with his paws.
 |
| We are LOUD |
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