The Opposite of Shrinking

Since the beginning of the year I have been gradually been slipping back up. 175ish at my lowest up to 206 today. Stress has made it much worse over the last month, but that is no excuse for me eating that much. The out of town activity and plantar fasciitis has kept me out of the gym, so that isn't helping either. And I'm struggling. I was doing keto up until when I stopped in February. Travel pretty much sent me into a spiral of "I'll get back on it tomorrow" lapses. 

So now my body is getting bigger, my innards are constantly unhappy, and my joints are ticked off. One thing that I know can make a difference in the last two is getting off of the massive amounts of gluten and wheat in general that I eat. When my husband was still alive I was on a strict gluten-free diet to keep my innards calm. While that helps my gut, it also tends to lessen my eating out and binging on sweet carby goodness at work and gatherings without being as restrictive as keto. It is worth a shot since I already know how to work it.

I am thinking that the sheer amount of sugar and artificial sweeteners may be contributing to the gut upset. Cutting back on sugar and cutting the artificial ones out completely has helped I think, but there is still problems. No magic bullet so far. I am grasping at food straws. Something has to be a culprit to being chained to the bathroom. At least stevia and monk fruit drops shouldn't cause problems and are great for my morning tea. 

So I'm frustrated. A heck of a lot heavier, a heck of a lot more gut issues, and a heck of a lot of anger at myself for giving in to eating too much.

From one of those road trips

Plans and Peets

I had grand plans for this weekend. It was supposed to be cool and comfortable with no rain and minimal wind. Score! Camping weekend! I got all the food assembled and cooked for ease of use. I packed up the car. I made sure that the house was in order. This morning I finished up packing all but the food and had a hunch to check the weather once more. Dammit. The wind was set to be 15-20 mph steady and 30-35 mph gusts tomorrow and a chance of thunderstorms. Windy today. I don't like camping in wind. I really don't like taking down or putting up tents in wind. I had said that I was darned and determined to go out. But nope. With a sad heart I unpacked and piled the goods back into the house. *sigh* I haven't been out since the spring when it got too hot to tolerate. Best laid plans of mice.

A background of me and camping: I do not pack light. I pack for comfort. This includes a beefy cot and double pads. A tall 4-person tent for me and the dog. Stove, full propane tank, and a full file box of kitchen gear. I do NOT pack light. It is a way for me to disconnect from work, people, and the internet/phone coverage. I do keep a solid hold on books stashed in my bag and on my phone with solar charging panels and battery banks. Books. That is my main form of entertainment while out. But, alas, that was not to be this weekend.

Not a small tent. And not this weekend.

But next week looks good. Maybe next week.

In other news, my grumpy peet (foot) was constrained to a CAM boot for two weeks last month. I thought my foot was all better, or at least I was hoping that. But after short 15 minute walks it is acting up again. Ice bottles are my friends. I am just going to consider it as a permanent thing and just keep doing the maintenance exercises and stretching and hoping for the best. If it gets worse, fine. I'll go back to the doc. But a different doc. Second opinion time.

As for the cluster**** that was the week before last, all but the medical insurance is taken care of now. It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it was going to be to get fixed. Even work is going okay!

Dog is in a holding pattern. He is still able to get onto his couch by himself. He needs a sling to get up the ramp and into the car, but that is minor. I have booties for him when walking on concrete because he drags his back feet somewhat that wears his nails thin. Rugs all around the house help him keep his footing. He will be here as long as he wants to be here. But for now? Cuddle bug! Or speed bump since he is laying in the middle of the walkway.

And now? Trying to not eat everything in sight. Time to take the body back under 200 pounds, up from my latest low of 180 ish. My joints in general are unhappy. So I will do what I need to do to safely get there

All Hell Broke Loose

And has mostly been battled back into its place. Hold on, folks, this is going to be a long one. Weekend before last I went with my mother on a quick five-day road trip to South Dakota to visit Dad and Grandpa. It is a thirteen/fourteen-hour trip that we split between ourselves to get there in one piece. Normally no major issues.

Until.

Halfway between NM and SD a check engine light on my car went on. I tried the quick fixes that I knew that we could do on the way up. Then the temperature sensor went on at the same time. Nothing we could do, but it wasn't brining up the "HEY, IDIOT! Stop driving!" flash, so we went on since I know there is a Subaru garage in Rapid City. I immediately took it to the garage where they got it in as soon as possible. But that meant that we were down a vehicle with only Dad's monster truck to drive, and Grandpa can't get into that short of a crane. They weren't going to get it in until Tuesday--which was when we were supposed to get home, not just starting the drive. So I fretted and stewed. Eventually it was brought to my attention that I get loaner vehicles when I have work done at the shop at home. Maybe they would have one there? Lo and behold! Success! That way Dad could take the loaner while Mom and I took Grandpa's Outback to NM and still have a vehicle that Gramps could get into and out of without ending up in the ER.  That left the repair cost, which could be an arm, a nose, a leg, or the whole shebang. I got the call that I was dreading halfway home: it was fixed. And the cost? Free! Well, other than getting it back to NM. (Dad even drove all the way to NM to trade out vehicles instead of me needing to meet him halfway.) Subaru had a rider warranty on the part as a known flaw. I wonder what the cost would have been if I had the work done at a non-Subaru garage. 

As a second issue, I had never heard from my extended warranty people that I may have needed to afford the car work (that thankfully never had a bill). I emailed. I called. I begged. I eventually (today!) got a response back that I am actually covered with no additional issues. I was pissed that it took them that long to get back to me. But knowing it is in place makes me feel better. Another thing off the list.

The day we arrived in SD I got an electronic notice from New Mexico Medicaid. My coverage had been cancelled because USPS managed to lose my paperwork. So the solution was to reapply and wait for them to get it processed and a new card sent out, which they warned could take 30-40 days. That meant that meds and doctor appointments were put on hold with time to fret and stew that I might end up in the ER or need something expensive over the next month (some of my meds are damned pricey). But I got the application and only could wait. Halfway through last work week I got the quick notice that they had accepted my application and I would just have to wait for my new cards to arrive and I would be good to go. That was a lot of headache that won't be happening again since from now on I am getting a tracking receipt for my paperwork. Live, learn, then get leverage.

That left Grandpa. He's getting one to two liters of fluid taken off of his lungs a day due to the much-advertised mesothelioma. His port for draining keeps plugging up and he is needing more put in as of late. We had a good visit, not even too much nagging or news. No network news, as a matter of fact, which is a great weight lifted off of my mind. The day we left he needed another port put in, just a few days after his last one. Everyone was worried. But now it seems to be working, and we don't have another emergency trip up.

It appears that things have mostly smoothed over, just awaiting my medical cards. Probably will be going up again in October for a longer visit. But that is for next month, whenever I can get around coworkers' schedules. Link is all ready to get on another road trip and to check out the deer in the back yard. And to hop on pop. Even if he does need a boost to get on the couch occasionally. And I am happy to have life settling into a calmer status. (Maybe enough to go camping next weekend!)

Ready for a Road Trip

On Baristas, Boots, and Belligerent Bellies

I spent 8 am to 2 pm in Silver City just exploring and learning while the dog stayed home and chilled. My first stop was to an eclectic coffee shop that looked like it was pulled directly from some Alaskan hippie shop. And it was positively wonderful! Oiled wood with burls supported the ceiling and polished paneling on the walls Eclectic art hung from the ceiling with paintings on the walls, as well as vintage games, made the place feel nice and homey. Lots of space to chill on the three levels of seating (small amount of seating, but you had your choice of space to sit. The had lots of baked goods and coffee that smelled heavenly. They also had a large assortment of tea that they bag themselves for purchase by the mug. I saw a heavenly thing: a gluten free cheesecake and chocolate brownie! I've been successfully testing out if my body is reacting poorly to gluten again. It seems that cutting it out is working wonders for my unhappy innards, so I am running with it. I snagged the goodie and a black coffee and munched my way through breakfast. Just across the road was the town museum, which was pretty cool too.

Tranquilbuzz Coffee

I learned that the local mine (Chino--the third largest open-pit copper mine) had gotten rid of their smelter in 2002. That means that I was one of the last people to see it in operation when I visited in 2002 for a college field trip. I can still remember the heat off of pouring metal and the huge elctroplated panels ready for shipping. Then there was the gatorade-blue colored solution that gave off fumes so bad that my nose smelled copper and sulfur for the next two weeks. It was a great trip that made me appreciate the entire facility as somewhere I would rather not work. The mine itself was an awesome learning experience too. I didn't even come up to the hubcap on the big trucks. But the smelter was the highlight of the trip. It was also the trip that I learned that I never wanted my college advisor to drive a van around twisty turny roads again. The next time I drove myself.

After a trip down memory lane, I snaked my way back through downtown to the local hippie-mart to snag overpriced goods for the rest of the week. I will shop local when I can, and they had lots of the gluten-free goodies that I was looking for (like bread. I have been craving bread and I knew that they had some I could happily eat), in addition to local produce. Then it was time to go rescue the dog from the incoming thunderstorm and do laundry, which I hung inside since the rain was coming in. Then it was time to just listen to videos and chill out while the rain fell.

Over the last two years I have been battling foot issues, with the worst offender being plantar fasciitis. A little over a year ago I was in a walking boot for the foot and that cleared up part of the problem. Fast forward a year and several cortisone shots later and I am back to having problems. I spent two weeks in the boot again to see if that would help keep me out of surgery. It seems to have helped, now that I have gotten used to being on my own level feet again. The foot pain is still there though. I have a podiatrist appointment in two weeks to see as a second opinion if I should go through with the surgery. I am leaning toward no right now. Hoping for the best and doing all my exercises like a good girl until then.

So now I am spending the day eating and doing as little as humanly possible. No hikes thanks to the dog being too lame to do them anymore and I don't want to go out alone. I am considering it as a healing time for the foot and brains. And I have once again forgotten my tea. It is now lukewarm. Just means that I will have to chug it and make more!

A Vacation to Nowhere...

 ...and nothing.

I am making it a point this week while on vacation to do as little as possible with the time I have. Work is on notice that I would rather not be bothered. Parental units know that I may or may not have phone coverage while I am out here. And it's great! I've been here three nights so far, with four more to go. I have left the house to take Link for short walks, avoiding the burrs as I went--though he was certain that he wanted to take a chance and piss on the burr plants! He apparently has no intention on self-preservation.

Him with his stylishly day-glow booties

Speaking of the dog, he's had quite a decline in health. With a diagnosis of degenerative myelopathy a few months ago, he is doing rather well for the condition. I have been grasping at things I can do to keep him up and running. My vet offers acupuncture for dogs, so, while I didn't get any benefit from it when I tried it, Link seems to be doing well on it since his decline has been slower than expected. Unfortunately, the condition is progressive and unable to be cured. Probably only a few months, but he will let me know when it's time. Knowing that he isn't in pain from it makes a big difference in my mind. Walking like he is drunk is rather cute, if not frustrating to him when he plunks down with a grunt. He's dragging his back paws quite a bit now, so I bought a new pair of shoes for him. Probably will have to get different ones that don't give his toes too much traction on pavement and gravel. He's really unsteady on his hind end, so I have rugs strewn around the house to give him a steady path. He also gets a boost up the ramp into the car with a sling that my coworker gave me. We will work with it day by day.

Poor pooch was not thrilled with the thunderstorm we had today. It wasn't long, but he was back hiding in the bathroom, squished into the foot-wide area between the tub and vanity, until it passed. But he got over it quick. Now it is raining again, but without the lights and booms, so he is happy to be down by my feet on his cushy blanketed spot.

So yes, it is raining. We will be putting off his nightly run until the chance of wet-dog-stench is lessened. Besides, the later we go out at night mean the later I can sleep in! I have a book of short stories by Sir Terry Pratchett that I am currently consuming before bed. No real reading outside of online during the day. 

And tomorrow whenever Link wakes me up for his duties I will get up and shower, then lock him away so I can take a jaunt into Silver City for breakfast/museum/groceries. That will be my main thing to do on this trip. And that's enough for me!

Well, That Didn't Take Long

100,036 miles as of hitting my house today. That voided my so-called 10-year warranty from the manufacturer (that didn't even last 5). So I just bought an extended warranty--no not from one of those phone scams. When my car gets repairs, they are costly. I love my Forester, but damn can it be expensive without insurance. This one will pay for everything and extras to boot for less than the arm and a leg of the first company I scoped out. It was an interesting conversation explaining how I have 25k miles per year without it being commercial use. He didn't believe me at first, then I explained the middle-of-nowhere home/work situation. No really. I drive. Plus 1800 mile trips to SD. So now I have paid an arm (but not a leg) for peace of mind that I wouldn't have by just setting aside money.

Yup. I Drive.

Alas, the dog licked a hole in his foot (again). He's been in a cone for a week. I keep letting him out to drink and eat and then seeing if he can handle not putting tongue to foot for a while. So far the longest he has gone was about 15 minutes before being re-coned. That means he unable to use the doggy door, and that makes him incredibly mopey. He is the saddest dog that ever did dog. Complete with laying down and letting out the loudest sighs he can possibly manage. I would feel sorry for him, but he has access to his couch and toys and scritchies and the possibility of freedom. But all he knows is that it itches and licking it feels better. I can't fault him. I've been known to make wounds worse by futzing with them as well.

Thanks to time change I am still jet lagged, despite it changing over last Sunday. I do not adjust well. On a good note, it means that I feel like I need to eat all night for one hour less than a week ago. The sun goes down and the munchies ensue, so I have less time to munch uncontrollably. Which means that now I am just thinking that it is dinner time (at 6:20pm). Yet I am still tired at regular bed time. Which is strange. But that's brainz for you!

And finally, I found out an incredible new development: I can stand up from the floor without using my hands or arms. I haven't been able to do that for the last 13 years (at least) thanks to a long time of having to use crutches and canes due to the stupid rheumatoid arthritis. I am just now, thanks to the gym workouts, able to do it! I keep finding small things that the work has improved and it just makes me smile and have even more reason to get there and work out. Of course, a couple days after abusing my legs and my knees are screaming at me. I think it's worth it. Now pass the ibuprofen.

Coping Mechanisms

Long ago, when I was but a small and imaginative child, I had an imaginary friend: Mousie. Mousie was neither male nor female, though I think now that Mousie was usually a she. So she and I went on grand adventures and escapades. She was very much real, yet I always knew somehow she was in my mind. 

She was real enough, though, that one day I told my brother that Mousie was sitting where he was about to sit. And he plopped down anyway. Big mistake. According to my mother's recollections, he ended up screaming at my mom to, "Make her stop!". I just kept yelling at him that he had sat on Mousie and attacked my much-older-than-myself brother. His purposeful act alone was an unforgiveable offence. (Though I did eventually forgive him.) I only stopped after he apologized to Mousie. He learned his lesson.

Looking back I can see that Mousie was how I dealt with the world, especially when my dad was gone for work. He would be gone for months at a time which as far as I can tell was usually during the winter. As I got older that would change to being gone throughout other months. To add to the existence of my friend another creation, Daddy Mousie, would travel with him while my own friend stayed at home with me. It was how I dealt with his absence. And it must have worked. 

So I bring you: Mousie.

Yup! I have a new tattoo. Mousie is sitting in a teacup with a Zelda crest and a spoon. That spoon relates to Spoon Theory which explains how there is only so much energy in a day and each task takes some of that energy. The Zelda crest? Let's face it, I just love Zelda.

And the best part? My mom designed it! I can carry that with me.

Now I just have to remember not to gain weight again or my tattoos will warp, and this one has very fine lines. I'm pleased with how it turned out. And I have my very own Mousie to help me through future hard times that reminds me to hold onto at least one spoon for when it is needed.