Plans and Peets

I had grand plans for this weekend. It was supposed to be cool and comfortable with no rain and minimal wind. Score! Camping weekend! I got all the food assembled and cooked for ease of use. I packed up the car. I made sure that the house was in order. This morning I finished up packing all but the food and had a hunch to check the weather once more. Dammit. The wind was set to be 15-20 mph steady and 30-35 mph gusts tomorrow and a chance of thunderstorms. Windy today. I don't like camping in wind. I really don't like taking down or putting up tents in wind. I had said that I was darned and determined to go out. But nope. With a sad heart I unpacked and piled the goods back into the house. *sigh* I haven't been out since the spring when it got too hot to tolerate. Best laid plans of mice.

A background of me and camping: I do not pack light. I pack for comfort. This includes a beefy cot and double pads. A tall 4-person tent for me and the dog. Stove, full propane tank, and a full file box of kitchen gear. I do NOT pack light. It is a way for me to disconnect from work, people, and the internet/phone coverage. I do keep a solid hold on books stashed in my bag and on my phone with solar charging panels and battery banks. Books. That is my main form of entertainment while out. But, alas, that was not to be this weekend.

Not a small tent. And not this weekend.

But next week looks good. Maybe next week.

In other news, my grumpy peet (foot) was constrained to a CAM boot for two weeks last month. I thought my foot was all better, or at least I was hoping that. But after short 15 minute walks it is acting up again. Ice bottles are my friends. I am just going to consider it as a permanent thing and just keep doing the maintenance exercises and stretching and hoping for the best. If it gets worse, fine. I'll go back to the doc. But a different doc. Second opinion time.

As for the cluster**** that was the week before last, all but the medical insurance is taken care of now. It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it was going to be to get fixed. Even work is going okay!

Dog is in a holding pattern. He is still able to get onto his couch by himself. He needs a sling to get up the ramp and into the car, but that is minor. I have booties for him when walking on concrete because he drags his back feet somewhat that wears his nails thin. Rugs all around the house help him keep his footing. He will be here as long as he wants to be here. But for now? Cuddle bug! Or speed bump since he is laying in the middle of the walkway.

And now? Trying to not eat everything in sight. Time to take the body back under 200 pounds, up from my latest low of 180 ish. My joints in general are unhappy. So I will do what I need to do to safely get there

All Hell Broke Loose

And has mostly been battled back into its place. Hold on, folks, this is going to be a long one. Weekend before last I went with my mother on a quick five-day road trip to South Dakota to visit Dad and Grandpa. It is a thirteen/fourteen-hour trip that we split between ourselves to get there in one piece. Normally no major issues.

Until.

Halfway between NM and SD a check engine light on my car went on. I tried the quick fixes that I knew that we could do on the way up. Then the temperature sensor went on at the same time. Nothing we could do, but it wasn't brining up the "HEY, IDIOT! Stop driving!" flash, so we went on since I know there is a Subaru garage in Rapid City. I immediately took it to the garage where they got it in as soon as possible. But that meant that we were down a vehicle with only Dad's monster truck to drive, and Grandpa can't get into that short of a crane. They weren't going to get it in until Tuesday--which was when we were supposed to get home, not just starting the drive. So I fretted and stewed. Eventually it was brought to my attention that I get loaner vehicles when I have work done at the shop at home. Maybe they would have one there? Lo and behold! Success! That way Dad could take the loaner while Mom and I took Grandpa's Outback to NM and still have a vehicle that Gramps could get into and out of without ending up in the ER.  That left the repair cost, which could be an arm, a nose, a leg, or the whole shebang. I got the call that I was dreading halfway home: it was fixed. And the cost? Free! Well, other than getting it back to NM. (Dad even drove all the way to NM to trade out vehicles instead of me needing to meet him halfway.) Subaru had a rider warranty on the part as a known flaw. I wonder what the cost would have been if I had the work done at a non-Subaru garage. 

As a second issue, I had never heard from my extended warranty people that I may have needed to afford the car work (that thankfully never had a bill). I emailed. I called. I begged. I eventually (today!) got a response back that I am actually covered with no additional issues. I was pissed that it took them that long to get back to me. But knowing it is in place makes me feel better. Another thing off the list.

The day we arrived in SD I got an electronic notice from New Mexico Medicaid. My coverage had been cancelled because USPS managed to lose my paperwork. So the solution was to reapply and wait for them to get it processed and a new card sent out, which they warned could take 30-40 days. That meant that meds and doctor appointments were put on hold with time to fret and stew that I might end up in the ER or need something expensive over the next month (some of my meds are damned pricey). But I got the application and only could wait. Halfway through last work week I got the quick notice that they had accepted my application and I would just have to wait for my new cards to arrive and I would be good to go. That was a lot of headache that won't be happening again since from now on I am getting a tracking receipt for my paperwork. Live, learn, then get leverage.

That left Grandpa. He's getting one to two liters of fluid taken off of his lungs a day due to the much-advertised mesothelioma. His port for draining keeps plugging up and he is needing more put in as of late. We had a good visit, not even too much nagging or news. No network news, as a matter of fact, which is a great weight lifted off of my mind. The day we left he needed another port put in, just a few days after his last one. Everyone was worried. But now it seems to be working, and we don't have another emergency trip up.

It appears that things have mostly smoothed over, just awaiting my medical cards. Probably will be going up again in October for a longer visit. But that is for next month, whenever I can get around coworkers' schedules. Link is all ready to get on another road trip and to check out the deer in the back yard. And to hop on pop. Even if he does need a boost to get on the couch occasionally. And I am happy to have life settling into a calmer status. (Maybe enough to go camping next weekend!)

Ready for a Road Trip

On Baristas, Boots, and Belligerent Bellies

I spent 8 am to 2 pm in Silver City just exploring and learning while the dog stayed home and chilled. My first stop was to an eclectic coffee shop that looked like it was pulled directly from some Alaskan hippie shop. And it was positively wonderful! Oiled wood with burls supported the ceiling and polished paneling on the walls Eclectic art hung from the ceiling with paintings on the walls, as well as vintage games, made the place feel nice and homey. Lots of space to chill on the three levels of seating (small amount of seating, but you had your choice of space to sit. The had lots of baked goods and coffee that smelled heavenly. They also had a large assortment of tea that they bag themselves for purchase by the mug. I saw a heavenly thing: a gluten free cheesecake and chocolate brownie! I've been successfully testing out if my body is reacting poorly to gluten again. It seems that cutting it out is working wonders for my unhappy innards, so I am running with it. I snagged the goodie and a black coffee and munched my way through breakfast. Just across the road was the town museum, which was pretty cool too.

Tranquilbuzz Coffee

I learned that the local mine (Chino--the third largest open-pit copper mine) had gotten rid of their smelter in 2002. That means that I was one of the last people to see it in operation when I visited in 2002 for a college field trip. I can still remember the heat off of pouring metal and the huge elctroplated panels ready for shipping. Then there was the gatorade-blue colored solution that gave off fumes so bad that my nose smelled copper and sulfur for the next two weeks. It was a great trip that made me appreciate the entire facility as somewhere I would rather not work. The mine itself was an awesome learning experience too. I didn't even come up to the hubcap on the big trucks. But the smelter was the highlight of the trip. It was also the trip that I learned that I never wanted my college advisor to drive a van around twisty turny roads again. The next time I drove myself.

After a trip down memory lane, I snaked my way back through downtown to the local hippie-mart to snag overpriced goods for the rest of the week. I will shop local when I can, and they had lots of the gluten-free goodies that I was looking for (like bread. I have been craving bread and I knew that they had some I could happily eat), in addition to local produce. Then it was time to go rescue the dog from the incoming thunderstorm and do laundry, which I hung inside since the rain was coming in. Then it was time to just listen to videos and chill out while the rain fell.

Over the last two years I have been battling foot issues, with the worst offender being plantar fasciitis. A little over a year ago I was in a walking boot for the foot and that cleared up part of the problem. Fast forward a year and several cortisone shots later and I am back to having problems. I spent two weeks in the boot again to see if that would help keep me out of surgery. It seems to have helped, now that I have gotten used to being on my own level feet again. The foot pain is still there though. I have a podiatrist appointment in two weeks to see as a second opinion if I should go through with the surgery. I am leaning toward no right now. Hoping for the best and doing all my exercises like a good girl until then.

So now I am spending the day eating and doing as little as humanly possible. No hikes thanks to the dog being too lame to do them anymore and I don't want to go out alone. I am considering it as a healing time for the foot and brains. And I have once again forgotten my tea. It is now lukewarm. Just means that I will have to chug it and make more!

Merry Christmas Eve—Alone

And that suits me just fine.

Originally my plan was to spend last weekend at home and up in the city, making chocolates, hanging out with the dog, and overall just chillin'. That did not happen,

Not one bit.

I managed to get the norovirus gut bug from hell starting Thursday night. To put it in perspective, I slept on the bathroom floor for two days. I don't remember Friday. Of which I am probably very appreciative. I just got back to real food yesterday, if that gives you an idea of what tore through my system. But that is mostly taken care of. 

Between that, COVID last month, and whatever-the-hell I had in September, I got sick more in four months than I have in the past two years. I think. I may be having selective memory. But at least I had actual sick leave thanks to New Mexico law this year that got me through COVID. The other two times have blessedly been over weekends or vacations. That week of COVID would have cleared out my originally given three days that I had last year leaving me with nothing for the various migraines that I have begun to have over the past year (since my hysterectomy they have been rare, but more as of late). Thank you, New Mexico, for ensuring that I have reasonable sick leave!

So I got to spend the time Dad was in town for the parental units' anniversary mostly out of commission. And that means that I didn't get to visit like I would have liked. It also meant that my expected partial weekend on my own was a little less enjoyable than planned. Instead, I chose to spend this weekend at home instead spending New Year's weekend up with Mom. I needed a break.

And that means that I am spending Christmas with the dog at home without the pressure of cooking, appearing put together, and facing the outpouring of spoons that I just don't have. Boss gave me Tuesday off, so my weekend is an extra day longer. I have me. I have the dog. I'll have spoon recovery. I'm good. 

On the dog. Dad found a lump on the pooch's side that I didn't know of since it isn't a place I usually scritch. So there is a vet trip on Friday and back to Albuquerque. Hoping that he just has a lipoma that can be ignored, but I need to make sure. I'm not really freaking out about it yet since there's nothing I can do about it. Oh, I'll panic eventually once I am closer to the visit/already in the visit, but for now I am calm. 

But for now, no panicking, no people, no (or little) stress. I am using a couple spoons for dinner tonight, but those will be easily recovered tomorrow.

Oh! And on spoons: Mousie (the original imaginary friend), spoon (spoonies), and teacup (TEA!) are about to be on my arm. All based on my momma's sketch after mentioning that I wanted these things on a wrist tattoo.  Here. Have a sketch.

Family Fun vs. Vacation

I just got back from roughly 2000 miles of driving over ten days. Went from Albuquerque, NM to Hill City, SD and back with lots of small trips into the city to see the grandparents. It meant that this was less of a vacation than my solo escapes, but it was worth it.

Grandma is 88, and Grandpa is 92 (I think. Grandma may be 87). Their health is rough, with Grandpa still mostly independent, especially for his age, with my Dad's help. Grandma is in and out of various healthcare homes and is...losing her mental capacities. We needed to go up and spend some time with them in a longer time than the normal five day whirlwinds. So Mom and I did. I still had one week of vacation left for my annual leave, and Mom had some of hers left as well.

The drive up was uneventful, as was the drive home, though we stopped overnight both directions instead of forcing all the way through in one 14 hour marathon. Which was good since I was mostly dead on the way home and Mom hadn't had sleep on the way down. Up meant that we could eat in our favorite spot on the way not once but Twice (and not be driving two-lane highway at night)! The place: Drover's in Brush, Colorado in the middle of nowhere at a livestock sales spot of all places. Best biscuits and gravy or country fried steak outside of Mom's place. Could we take mostly Interstate, yes, but it would involve going through Denver at rush hour(s) and miss the food stop for the same time spent on the road, without the added time in Denver.

The pretty house on an evil hill 

Up in South Dakota, Dad, Mom, and I (and the dog) spent a lot of time on the road since all of our spots to visit were far away from each other. Luckily, Dad did the driving for all that so I could rest in the back seat with the dog when he wasn't locked away at the house on hot days. Visits were kept mostly short since the grandparents needed rest frequently. Hell, after those visits I needed rest! I love them dearly, but it is difficult to have conversations sometimes, especially with Grandma. There will come a time when we can't even do that, so I will take it while I can get it.

It was nice being up there at the very end of tourist season since the roads were open and getting into restaurants was actually doable. The Black Hills is touron (tourist morons) hell during most of the summer. Most had vacated by the time we were out there. We also got to see the leaves turn almost overnight while we were there, which was really pretty. There were supposed to be Northern Lights, but I couldn't get a glimpse of them this trip. Pretty far south for them and I have seen plenty of them while I lived up in Alaska. Would have been nice though.

So eventually we made our way back home, tired of the road and dreading going back to work. Not too much to catch up on for me, but that didn't keep the dread from looming large last night. I'm counting the days (or hours) until I get the chance to go home and not be needed by anyone other than the dog. Just me, YouTube, Zelda, and the fridge. Maybe less of the fridge. I gained four pounds while I was out there, so it is time to get a hold on that whole thing. Eating out and overeating out every meal was killer on my waistline.

A common place for him to lay his head

And now it is time to wrap up and focus on not munching my way through the day. And for dog class tonight to see what is in store for us and the dogs surrounding Link to be snippy with. I hope he tries to be a pain in the ass so the trainer can catch him and help me keep it from happening again.

Thinkin' Drinkin' (Tea) AKA More Memories

I have been doing some thinkin' drinkin' in the form of copious amounts of tea, hoping that the caffeine will keep me running smoothly. Which it mostly is. I do keep the purveyors of my addiction running with my support!

Volunteer Hollyhock

While contemplating the bottom of my mug and listening to the sounds of my tea kettle I mulled over the feelings I am getting from using the crutches that have mostly sat ignored in my shop since back in 2014ish. They only have had short one or two day stints out of their place. But they're there for when I need them. So why is this part of the thinkin' drinkin'? Because Jason was the one that convinced me to finally give in and admit that using two canes and ending up on the ground was just not acceptable anymore. Way back in 2010 (I had to look back to find out when it was) I was pretty much on them 24/7 except for short jaunts around the house. Every day. For three + years. I was darned and determined that I didn't want anything unless it was quiet and easy to use. It took him researching and me evaluating many different styles and we finally settled on one brand (SideStix for the record). Not cheap, but comfortable to use, durable, QUIET, and stylish to boot. 

And now they remind me of him. Why do simple sticks remind me so much of my late husband? They are just tools. Very useful and comfortable tools, mind you, but still tools. The answer: because I remember how long he researched what I needed, even when I didn't want to admit that I needed them. (It was that or a wheelchair, which I had already vetoed as much as possible because I couldn't get around the house in one)

So now I am dealing with a torrent of emotions from many different angles. And fighting a boot. And remembering just how many muscles crutches require--and how neglected my muscles have been as of late. I apparently have not forgotten how to walk with them, even after all these years. And they're not the blasted 'regular' crutches that people get here in the states, despite them being less stable and clunkier than anything else out there. I learned early on that the doc's 'suggestion' that I use and stay on crutches was well founded. I asked for more clarification while getting strapped into the device and he told me that, while I technically can walk on just the foot, it is a pointedly bad idea and would probably cause more problems to both sides of my body. Use the crutches. Keep it up. Heal better. Have to do it less in the future if it happens again. I like my doc. I can follow orders if it means that I don't have to do this again any time soon (or preferably ever!).

And I've got another week and a smidge in the boot and another two weeks using one or both crutches for another two weeks. I wonder how well Link will walk with me on crutches...he used to do it well. It will be interesting to find out! And by the end of it we both will come to an agreement. Not sure who will win out in this, but it will be attempted!

Boot. Not appreciated.

I hate going shoe shopping. Usually it involves great frustration and a large chunk of change. Not lately. I've been in a couple pairs of hiking boots and special insoles for the past...many many moons. I have been having trouble with my foot for a long time. It wasn't getting better with all the doc's suggestions. So I went back, complete with new x-rays. I have a ton of small fractures in three metatarsals. His suggestion: a boot for 14 days. I am not amused. But it does keep my foot from flexing as painfully. At least it is on my left foot so I can still drive! I asked since I had a cane if that would help with my balance on the blasted boot. Doc said yes, so one of my beloved/hated devices is getting some use. And it's only two weeks.

Just after those two weeks I have a vacation planned. A vacation where I was hoping that I could get out and go hiking, since there are lots of nearby trails, both hard and easy. I may still do one of the easy one for short hikes to get me back into moving and to get the dog tired a bit. Probably not a good idea. So it goes. I may end up eating my way through the town. Not good for my figure.

Not. Amused

On that, I have gained ten pounds over the last three months and I am not amused. I am the only one to blame, but I am getting depressed because of that and a host of other happenings. I tried to blame my feet on my weight, but the doc reminded me that I have gotten this AFTER I lost a bunch of weight. Yes, it can be made worse with extra weight, but that is not a likely cause. The RA is (and some congenital issues). The gift that keeps on giving. 

And to add to the fun, I am losing my Medicaid. This is a problem. I cannot afford my meds and specialists on other plans. The state flubbed a calculation, so there is a hope for me. I re-applied today. My current coverage ends the 31st. They said that it can take 45 days to get back to me. This is not ideal. Not ideal at all. So I have done what I can. I am in a waiting period where all I can do now is fret and stew. Same with the foot. Fret, stew, and cuss. Other things, fret, stew, cuss, and cry.

So now I am rather insane. I have done what I can to rectify situations I have control over. Other things just...suck. I'm crying again for small infractions. Including in the doc's office, which completely confused the doc and PA in the room. Wonderful PA grabbed me a tissue and assured me that it was okay. I need to remind myself that it is okay for me to deal with emotions, whatever those are. 

So now I am going to let the world go by and play some Zelda--Tears of the Kingdom on the big screen. Putting cartoon Link always makes me feel better...well...unless I am repeatedly getting slain.

Leaking at the Seams

I'm like a leaky bucket. My brains keep leaking out while stress keeps pouring in. I normally keep work out of this, but let me just say that, as a non-profit worker in administration the end of the year brings LOTS of tax work. And our main event for the year is in March, so about the time the taxes calm down, the advertising and people wrangling ramps up. 

In short: I'm so ready for the vacation I have scheduled for April.

Wrangling two customer service organizations, a handyman, and emergency computer support is slowly unraveling my brain. But it's the end of my workweek, and boy am I ready for a break. Last week? Silence and not much work. This week? Yeesh. But I do need to feel needed from day to day. And I am.

A Good Thing I noticed recently is that I can drive into tight-ish parking spots and manage to wriggle out without endangering other cars! This is an awesome development!  On that good news, despite sabotaging myself food wise and only sporadically walking, I managed to lose weight over this week. Maybe paying less attention to what I am eating can cause acceptable results. This is counter to my wiring of tracking everything during the day. Now I know I have a little wiggle room and still can have the desired results. I like that.

This is the pup pre-winter

The dog is still healing, but he wants to play tug sooo bad. That is one thing that he may no longer be able to do. I need to call the vet tomorrow and give her an update on his condition. He even isn't being overly sore when getting up from a dead sleep and he is managing stairs as well as he was pre-injury (read: gimpily because of lack of ligaments in his back legs.). Looks like he may be able to jump onto Dad's lap sometime in the near future. Dog and Dad are in a game of seeing who can block/bypass an attempted leap onto the chair. Dog still hasn't figured out that it isn't allowed because he occasionally wins the game and ends up with a lap. Variable wins equal good conditioning.

But now I think I have other things to do, much as I would rather just sit and slouch. But I'll do the necessary thing.

Family Fun!

Yesterday my brother-in-law and aunt came in for a quick visit on their monster road trip across the US. It has been years since I saw my brother, and it was great to finally get to catch up after...8 years? 11? It may have been since Jason died that I had seen him. But we caught up quickly and hung out for the night. My aunt, who is the official chauffeuse for the trip, I had seen last year, so we were more up to date. Dog had to sit in his crate for a few minutes before he would calm down enough to just want to play instead of eating anyone. Then he wanted to play. All the time. And I took away his toys--gasp! I know. Mean Mom. I ended up having to call him off and make him lay down and pout instead. He 100% did not approve.

On an interesting note, Jason's grave is being lived in, and it's not by him.

This is his grave as of yesterday. Ventilated. The cross fell down a while ago and I figured that the wind would just take it down again, so I rested it appropriately. But the hole? The two and a half by four foot hole? That was new. And it looks like it is being lived in by...something. I think I need to call someone out to dump some dirt in there, evicting anything living in there at the same time. Not was I was expecting.

Last night we went to the New Mexico fixture, the Owl Bar and Grill, for dinner and the burgers have improved greatly since I was last there. Heck, the service was great too, which was its big downfall the last and only time I had gone there. Good dinner, complete with my aunt leaving the obligatory dollar bill with note. Used to be the note was just sharpied onto the bill and posted on the wall, but now they have dedicated slips of paper to make it easier to read...and to take off the wall when it gets too full so you can harvest the bills as real money!

Onto last post's news, my work grandma still doesn't know what is going on since they keep pushing back her tests despite it being a Bad Thing. We are muddling through work without her, but she is sorely missed, and I just flat out miss her!

And now it is the weekend and I have the days to myself. Perhaps to eat out again this afternoon to go out and write on the third book. (Yeah yeah, I know that I haven't done anything with the first two.)

Work and my Adopted Grandma

I don't usually write about work, but something is happening that has me in tears.

Someone at my office, let's call her Grandma, has been there longer than anyone else here. She welcomed me with open arms since day one, even when my predecessor shat all over her. I taught her how to use a computer from "this is a mouse" to "Payroll's done" even with a crippled dominant hand. 

Anyway, she has a serious illness that just came to our attention yesterday. She waited to get help for a large growth because she was afraid of Covid. So she may not be coming back to work because, well, healing's a big deal and work can take a flying flip. I'm worried for her and her family.

On a related note, we need to keep things moving while she's not here, despite having no clue how she ran this ship in occasionally troubled waters. We are wondering how one woman in her 90s was able to stuff so much work into her few hours a week. We've got no clue how things are organized, much less how to do all but the basic tasks.

But the biggie? I have to come to the terms that nobody lives forever, despite wanting them to.

So all my fretting and stewing over the weekend about a reprimand (that never came) was for naught. It was taken over by far more important things. Far more troubling things.

Moral: live life to the fullest. And leave notes on how to run a tight ship. Or at least how to not sink a blow-up dinghy.

Tribulus Terrestris and Other Victims of My Rage

Goatheads. Nature's Caltrop. Tribbles. And while they spread like their Star Trek counterparts, these have no redeeming cuteness qualities. 

No. Not this type. Even he won't eat these abominations.

They and their other weedy counterparts fell at my hand last weekend. I succeeded in at least round 1 of the great culling. More will be needed on another weekend, but I put in a good showing with about a half a trash bag of those and the almost-as-vile silver-leafed nightshade with its sharp fine filaments that pass technically as spines. The damn spines made it all the way through my elk-hide gloves! I was...displeased.

It's been dry at my house, like dry enough that the drought-tolerant Russian thistles (still-alive tumble weeds) are having trouble growing. Good for me though, so long as I remember to water the plants that should be there. 

In other news, well...new to some people... Comcast is a pain in the *** to deal with, especially since I got to be on the line with seven (7) different representatives yesterday, only to get disconnected, much like what happened last week. Finally late last night I convinced them to fix their system right this time. Or at least to try. I loathe Comcast with a fiery burning passion, but they do provide a service that is required at the moment. Good friends even perked up a day that Comcast had ruined (never be on with customer service when on steroids).

Now life is good. Lunch has been had. And it should be smooth sailing for the next few hours. Or at least I can hope!

Dad is home so Link is spending most of his time either on Dad's lap or playing ball...or eating. Everything that Dad eats, so does the dog. I had just gotten Link down to a reasonable weight again. Oh well, it makes them both happy!

I'm managing to go the opposite direction from the dog. Still working on it and seeing success, so I will keep up the fight and even introduce exercise again! Slow steps. Lots of support from family, so that makes life much less difficult than it could be. And now lunch is over, so it is time to hang this up for the moment. 

Life is...

Strange. I have a mix of feeling that lead me to believe that I am in a pretty good space right now. That's a scary thought. It's something that I hesitate to type. But I'm going to, since it is a good thing to focus on the good sometimes.

I also found this pretty birdie. Meep! Meep!

I have plantar faciitis. I also have a freaking great podiatrist who is working me through getting rid of the dang problems. Two shots and a pair of crutches to get around and it should be getting better soon. I even had the forearm crutches from long ago when my arthritis was kicking up bad. Going to be able to walk (hopefully) by Monday, once the steroid crystals go away. Healing is a good thing.

My pooch has a (mostly) clean bill of health and clean teeth. The lump on his foot was benign. And, even though he had a seizure while he was under anesthesia, it was not something more serious. Link is even getting most of the time during the day outside of his Cone of Shame! (He's most happy about being able to play ball now.)

It's been a little over four weeks and I have lost 13.5 pounds. That's pretty impressive for someone who is on two meds that can cause weight gain. First week of shedding? Water. After that? Score! I'm focusing on not going overboard so that it is sustainable and safe. 13.5. Huh. After the foot is fixed I can get back into walking again. Maybe strength training, which I haven't done in years!

My 13th anniversary of my wedding was earlier this month. There was some sadness, as is to be expected, but most of it was looking back at a happy time. Five years we had, and most of it was spent well. Good times.

Finally, I have good friends. I may not see them for months at a time, but I still love them.

But now it is time to find something to eat that is healthier than cookies. I have a full pantry and yet don't want to cook. So many things like that to be thankful for. But I really should come up with dinner other than southwest eggs.

Dreams and Nightmares

Jason's birthday was on the 5th. I was only partly insane, probably not as much as his awesome mom and dad. Some days are harder than others. Last week 12 years ago we were in Kauai on our Anniversarymoon. For some reason reliving those photo places sent me into a little bit of a not-good-place. Not horrible, mind you, just...uncomfortable? Which is fine. Memories are good and keep his memory alive.

I also had a very strange dream. My pooch, Link, had gotten loose and was running wild in the middle of traffic. I knew it was him from his bright green collar. I saw him get hit. I panicked of course, and tried to drive backwards off the onramp (I even could tell you the exact streets) to get to him. I looked and looked and finally saw him in a vet office being taken care of. His paw was bent at an odd angle and he looked scared. Probably not as scared as when I woke up in a sweat. He's not a child, but I do worry about him, and being rather off from the 5th was just fueling the fire for nightmares--though not of Jason. Just the other male in my life that keeps me sane.

He hasn't been joining me on walks because there haven't been any walks to join. I see the specialist tomorrow to see how we can treat the blasted plantar fasciitis since I've tried all the conservative methods that I know of/could find on the interwebs. Stretches? Got 'em. Strengthening? Been there, done that (and have very happy ankles, just not feet). Exercise? Counterproductive, as it turns out. Good boots? The only thing keeping me on my feet. So we'll see what he says.

The only other thing is that in the past two weeks I have not only lost weight (my feet thank me) but have lost 6 pounds! Yes, the first couple were probably water, but I now officially have gotten rid of a small dose of one of the meds I am on. I am in and out of ketosis depending on the day which seems to have upped the concentration of it--less meds=good thing! So I'm proud. It's only been two weeks and two days, but I will take every bit I can.

But now it is time to figure out what lunch is going to be, considering that I failed to pack anything this morning. Snack food to the rescue! 

As an aside: I have an awesome boss who trusts me to be a productive member of the organization. No micromanaging!

Discovery? Maybe?

Monsoons = Inflammation   

Way back in 2007-2013 I had to modify my diet to eat gluten free to keep my guts happy and useful. Having a short tether to a bathroom really is no fun. Not celiac, just intolerance. At the time my rheumatoid arthritis was kicking up a storm as well and my stress level was through the roof from dealing with Jason's terminal illness. It was a perfect storm of inflammation that let up only late in 2013 once that stress level had gone down. The RA mostly subsided and a trial run of fresh croissants led me to test the waters and eventually plunge back into the world of gluten.

Fast forward to 2022 and a surgery for gallstones. That tether to a bathroom was back and it had shortened the leash. "It'll just go away." "Tough it out." Yeah. Nothing was working and it appeared that there was no light at the tunnel. This amped up the stress because that makes hikes and walks difficult (not to mention simple life things like shopping) knowing that at any moment my body may decide that it's time to be rid of stuff...often at inopportune moments.

Last week I started a low-carb, medium-fat/protein diet which inadvertently cut out gluten and most large sources of sugars. Other than that little misstep with eating an entire cantaloupe at one sitting (uh. oops.), my innards have been cooperating. It took my mother pointing out the correlation out to me. Also my RA has been kicking up, adding to the inflammation, but I wasn't sure whether to link that to true RA flaring thanks to extra monsoon weather or to some other source of ouch. I haven't had a flare since 2019 and I went off all of the RA meds since 2020...hoping that this doesn't go full-blown, but I have meds in case it does.

So here is the magic question: What gives with the cooperating innards? Gluten? General sugars? Different body outlook? Correlation does not always equal causation.

Next question: Will the healthier eating affect the RA/other joint pain issues? Not sure what oral steroids might do to me, but it may be time for the RA .Hoping that the dietary changes might calm the plantar fasciitis a bit too from less inflammation in general, or even if only from there being less of me to schlep around. 

Now it is time to think about which munchies I want for lunch. I bought a selection of goodies to keep at work and I am slowly picking my way through them to try a little bit of each. Best so far? The feta stuffed olives. NOM!

Sneaksy. Very Sneaksy.

Cough? Got it, but that is to be expected. Sniffles? Same. But there is one effect that snuck up on me three days into COVID-19: the dreaded taste and smell loss. "So what?" I hear you ask. Food I can get around by texture and basic flavors of sweet/salty and the like, but there is one major drawback: 

I. Can't. Taste. Tea.

I live on tea during the week. One might call me a tea snob at times. I very carefully made up my morning brew yesterday and finally took a sip once it was cool enough. And could only detect the bitter tannins. *sniffle* And it may be a couple months before it fixes itself. *sob*

So I'm mostly back to normal routine, if not at 100% since I am REALLY tired and foggy all the time. Keeping my thoughts together is difficult. Heck, even something simple like a blog post takes it out of me.

I could take the lack of taste as a signal to eat less, but I am well aware how to eat for texture rather than tastes when necessary. And eat I have. Still up at 220, despite the complete lack of exercise, so I guess that is something. Mom is cleared for her new restrictive keto diet, so it could be an interesting next couple months as we settle into the rhythm of things. I get to do a modified version since one of my med's side effects are directly linked to salt balance in my body. That will be the hard part--maintaining a deficit of calories on a high-fat diet. She's being monitored closely. Me less so since there really isn't much to test for outside of the previously mentioned med balance. Now I get to decide if I am going to measure out my foods again, knowing full well that it works for me. It is a pain, but it may keep me from going overboard on the various nutrient balances. It will work. 

Poor Dad has no idea what he is in for. I'm going to try to cook so that he isn't feeling deprived--low sugar spaghetti sauce with squash for mom, a little pasta for me, and a lot of pasta for Dad. Taters are out, but pot roast with the rest of the veggies is fine. Make taters for Dad and mom and I get the onions and carrots and shrooms. May have to do chicken and rice/chicken soup for all of us on occasion as well.

But I'm rambling and desperately need a nap. A nap that I probably won't get today. So it goes.

It is that time.

I think we passed spring already. Summer is here.

Complete with 90 degree days and full-bloom roses! Thank heavens that I have a window AC unit in my office or I would be a sweaty mess come 3pm. That rose? From work. The gardener gave me a choice of which one I wanted and I went with the big open one instead of the young one. I wanted instant floral gratification. So my little hedgehog has a hat.

I haven't managed to gain any more weight over the last one/two weeks, though not for lack of trying with how I have been eating! Time to get back to at least being mindful of when I am hungry, even if I immediately give in to the hunger/horrible munchies.

In other news, it is a good thing that I have copies of all my important documents stashed either in my house or in the safety deposit box. Yesterday I...um...threw away my driver's license. Yup. In the trash with the little paper holder banks use to give you your money in. I grabbed the cash but not the card. And the trash can was empty when I went back to try and snag it. So I drove the 90 minutes home to get the data I needed to buy a new license, then yesterday picked up my passport just to be safe if people get persnickety about accepting the printed-out temporary license.

All that means that I had to work today (and am taking my break) instead of yesterday--with an awesome boss who let me get what needed done finished on my normal day in the office. But on that note, time to get back to business!

My Dear Green Sheep

One of the sheep in the Golias flock needed brewing equipment for a foray into mead brewing. I have stuff. He needed stuff. My repayment? A sip of each one he makes. Good trade. I think we both win with that agreement. The brewing gear hasn't been used in years, but it doesn't get old (other than a little brittle for some of the plastics), so I am happy to share. For one of my flock, almost anything.

In other news of my fellow sheep, I got to spend a nice time out with friends last night and catching up. Raunchy replies and suggestive talk galore. It. Was. Awesome. And should happen more often if I can kick myself off of my hermit arse. I love having friends that I can taunt mercilessly with little chance of overstepping my own or others' boundaries. I can flirt without intent and lay it on thick. Since flirt is the default mode for me, I have to watch it because I have no intent to follow through. With these friends (and others in this core circle of teasing) it is a nice escape from the prim and proper façade I have to keep up at work most of the time. I feel at ease and just...well...home.

And on a final note: dear New Mexico, you are jumping ahead of yourself. As the days inch ever so closely to 90F it seems that spring has come and gone over a couple weeks. Whereas we were asking for coats and sweatpants for our men at work we are now looking for scrubs and shorts! But that's the high desert for you--pushing 90 during the days and still in the 40s for lows. Luckily today and tomorrow are not going to be scorchers, but still, it is far too close to summer for me.

Thanks to the early summer and lack of water over the winter (such as it was) is that the fires that have been ravaging the state have finally hit me close to home. No, not trying to burn me out, it just took out my much-beloved camping site south of me. Completely torched. *sigh* But that is a small inconvenience in comparison to those losing their property and livelihood. I just hope we have some rain, or at least no wind for a while. 

The Lingering

Where I Would Like to Linger

It's been a little over a week since I got sick. Not bad anymore, but still sound (and somewhat feel) sick. Thank you, Grandpa. Mom has pneumonia from it, unfortunately, but we got in to see the doc before it had a chance to get really serious. The boss is sick as well, but probably not from me. Today we were going over things that needed done and were talking at each other but not mentally hearing and getting frustrated. We both took a moment to evaluate--the being sick had addled both of our brains. After that brief break we were able to get communicated what needed done. Curse you, germs!

After the FUn of being sick I managed to lose a few pounds. I am taking this as a starting point to lose the 25 I gained shortly before and after surgery. Back to the eating food. Mostly plants. Not too much. And tracking what I eat so I am accountable for what I eat. Side effect of tracking? I can see how much of my foods count as carb, fat, and protein and see how that charts with my innards cooperation. Sounds like a win to me!

I'm apparently one of the few who have gastric problems months out from gallbladder surgery, yay. Freaking yay. So the keto diet just isn't going to work with my system, at least not for now. This weekend I am going to be on easy-to-digest food to see if I can get it under control. I'm not expecting much, to be honest, but I am trying to keep up hope that something will get it calmed down and happy again. But the tracking should help...and may even keep me alert of how many useless carbs I have been eating. (I'm looking at you, cake.) But I am currently large enough that my knees are complaining again and that makes me ready to do something about it. Again. But it is the moving forward that counts.

I talked to one of my docs yesterday and explained that I was starting to get healthy again. She offered meds. I turned her down. I know some of the side effects. Guess what one is? Gastric Issues. Nope. No thank you. I've lost weight in the past (healthily), and I can do it again without extra additions to my daily stresses. My doc thought she was being helpful, and I understand that, but I just couldn't justify the small chance of help losing (and high chance of gaining back after stopping the med) for the high chance of side effects that would be intolerable to me. Nope.

And so I am back to planning meals and shopping with purpose, which I pretty much was doing before--with "purpose" including large amounts of sugary carby goodness. Mom isn't sure if she is going to be able to do the keto diet yet, but I will support her however it turns out. It will just be interesting joining in each other's meals. I've done it before with Jason, so I know that I can do it again if need be. And maybe at that point the innards will have calmed down enough to try it for myself!

The Blinking Light

It's amazing what a phone message can do. A simple message.

Today was difficult at work, and I'm just now taking lunch to get a break. Things were going wrong, the pace too fast for my brain, and my body interfering and needing to be close to the restroom. It was not a pleasant morning. 

Then I noticed that there was a flashing light on my phone indicating a message for me. I hate messages. They mean more people to interact with who may be hostile for not getting a human.

But this was different. There was a woman who was almost in tears thanking me for my note on her receipt that I sent out before I left on vacation. She had apologized for not giving more when she sent in her donation. I had simply scribbled a short note thanking her donation and that we appreciate her support no matter the size of donation. She sounded...in awe that someone cared? loved as a person?...that I had sent the note. She was in desperate times, with her husband sick and finances tight, and she still took the the time and effort to donate to us, and to think that she was guilty that it wasn't more. Guilt!

So her thanks just made my day. Kindness does come around. I have it saved to my archive for days that I can really use a reminder of why I like my job. And I do.

Did I Learn Nothing?

Last week was breaking myself from sugars. Yesterday when I got back into Albuquerque I fell right back into the same carby pattern. I'm just... Disappointed.

I lost three pounds last week. I'm sure I'll put that right back on if I'm not careful. Hell, today's lunch was a hamburger and onion rings. At least I got a no-calorie drink and only ate half of the bun. But still. *Sigh* 

Also, Link now knows the word "hike." 

On a good note, I bought a pair of hiking boots--the same brand and model I have been wearing for over a decade, Merrells--and bought a different size since it's been a while since I have been fitted. They fit really well in the store. Then I went on a two mile hike today over varied terrain. Toes were scrunched slightly. Thank goodness I bought them from REI since I can take them back with no penalty. But I got in the hike! Also note that just because his tongue is hanging out does not mean I have neglected to offer him water. He's just being an idiot and not drinking at this point in the hike.