RAIN! DIRT!

Summer in the desert: Hot. Windy. Dry…And wet?

In short: Fires. Yup. The state is on fire, mostly thanks to the local Forest Service’s incompetence and mismanagement. But that is a rant for another day. But that does mean hefty smoke in some areas and a giant hope that monsoon season shows up soon. And it is supposed to—this weekend in fact. Even if I have to wipe off muddy paws, I’m happy to do it, and maybe even frolic in the drips if I get the urge (though probably not nekkid). It can’t come too soon for my liking.

Yesterday at work I got to play in DIRT! Yes, you read that right. I got to take care of our much-neglected houseplants, including my poor hibiscus that needed over half the bag of dirt to get it back up to where it needed to be. That bush (tree?) is my baby. It is the reason I have the small cozy office instead of the huge sterile one. That and the prolific philodendron keep me company in my cave.

In other news, I have mostly recovered from COVID-19. Just some slight taste changes, more joint pain, and a pretty hefty dose of fatigue. I escaped pretty darn well compared to others. Working is difficult for the last half of the day. I had to take my 15 minute break yesterday afternoon for a (alarm set) nap. I can’t wait for that to get better, though with how much I need naps in general I am not sure how long that is going to take. But breaks are awesome and I can get in 10 minutes of sleep out of those 15 and that is enough to tide me over till I get back to the house. Dear naps: I love you. Be patient with me.

Sneaksy. Very Sneaksy.

Cough? Got it, but that is to be expected. Sniffles? Same. But there is one effect that snuck up on me three days into COVID-19: the dreaded taste and smell loss. "So what?" I hear you ask. Food I can get around by texture and basic flavors of sweet/salty and the like, but there is one major drawback: 

I. Can't. Taste. Tea.

I live on tea during the week. One might call me a tea snob at times. I very carefully made up my morning brew yesterday and finally took a sip once it was cool enough. And could only detect the bitter tannins. *sniffle* And it may be a couple months before it fixes itself. *sob*

So I'm mostly back to normal routine, if not at 100% since I am REALLY tired and foggy all the time. Keeping my thoughts together is difficult. Heck, even something simple like a blog post takes it out of me.

I could take the lack of taste as a signal to eat less, but I am well aware how to eat for texture rather than tastes when necessary. And eat I have. Still up at 220, despite the complete lack of exercise, so I guess that is something. Mom is cleared for her new restrictive keto diet, so it could be an interesting next couple months as we settle into the rhythm of things. I get to do a modified version since one of my med's side effects are directly linked to salt balance in my body. That will be the hard part--maintaining a deficit of calories on a high-fat diet. She's being monitored closely. Me less so since there really isn't much to test for outside of the previously mentioned med balance. Now I get to decide if I am going to measure out my foods again, knowing full well that it works for me. It is a pain, but it may keep me from going overboard on the various nutrient balances. It will work. 

Poor Dad has no idea what he is in for. I'm going to try to cook so that he isn't feeling deprived--low sugar spaghetti sauce with squash for mom, a little pasta for me, and a lot of pasta for Dad. Taters are out, but pot roast with the rest of the veggies is fine. Make taters for Dad and mom and I get the onions and carrots and shrooms. May have to do chicken and rice/chicken soup for all of us on occasion as well.

But I'm rambling and desperately need a nap. A nap that I probably won't get today. So it goes.

Guided by Graffiti

Follow the Wisdom

On a walk in town I came upon these words of wisdom. Difficult follow when all I want to do is complain. But it's okay, I can still moan and groan while still being thankful for what I have, and that truly is the definition of happy: thankfulness. Both for the pleasant and not-so-pleasant times. I'm not saying that I'm good at it, only that it is my ideal.

Having said that, I am finding it difficult to be truly happy right now. The uncertainty of life is wearing on me. Thanks to two medical issues, I am a little on the twitchy side of things. COVID-19 is...well...COVID-19. Knowing that there is yet another variant on the way means that I once again need to rethink my healthy habits that I have let slip after my third vaccine shot. Mentally it is all wearing on me. But it could be so much worse. So very much worse. And for that, I am happy. I have my needs met. I have a job I love. I have family that loves me (including the dog, even if I want to strangle them sometimes). And I have friends that put up with my hermit ways. So yeah, even with the flaws in life, I am pretty darn happy.

So follow the words on the wall and take a small bit of time to be thankful.

 

Worried With Cause

 

To the Skies--Eventually

I have a week and a smidge before I head off for another trip. Only problem that's on my mind: it's on the 20th anniversary of 9/11. I am leaving plenty of time for extra security measures and planning on everything to be late. I'm not superstitious, but I am aware that the danger of flying goes from microscopic to slightly more than that. I remember to the road corner I was when the first flight hit. The very step I was on when I heard about the second. But that was 20 years ago. I suppose that is the same reaction that people had when Kennedy was killed. Just a different generation. And more changes to life in general than the president's passing. But I do know this: I'm not letting that stop me from traveling.

On the other side of things, COVID-19 is making me nervous. I have had several families I know that have come down with it, vaccinated all. I'm just going to have to be incredibly careful on my travels, especially in the airport. The planes have good air circulation, but the airports are less so. Lots of hand washing and mask-wearing. I'm not sure what California's regulations will be for weekend after next, but I may just wear the mask to be careful anyway. I know that I wear one here for all trips, so I see no reason to not follow those recommendations while traveling.

So those are my two concerns for today. Worried? Maybe. But with cause.

Restarting the Trail

Bumpy Path, but a Path Nonetheless

I'm starting again after a lull in my determination to get healthy. I have stagnated for so long and want to see the other side of 200 pounds before the end of the year. Since SparkPeople closed down mid-month I have not been very religious about tracking my food. I know that I really overeat if I don't have at least a ballpark of where I need to be. Without the SP page I have defaulted to the FitBit tracker to go along with the tracker on my wrist. It is far from perfect, but it is rather helpful and only one app on my poor struggling phone.

For the past three days I have managed a walk of at least a mile, which is very good compared with the complete couch potato I have been over the past month. I am so close. I only ended up gaining four pounds instead of the projected 5. Small progress. With the tracking back in place I think I will be better off than just winging it, even if the amounts are off. I can see where and when my calories are being eaten and act accordingly. I have this tendency to forget when I have eaten and just how much that is. Time to restart weighing things again as well to just make sure that I am within my ranges and to get the feel for serving sizes. That training tends to fall apart after a few months. Time to retrain.

On the COVID-19 front, New Mexico is back to a flat indoor mask mandate, which is fine with me. It is especially important at work where we have a vulnerable population. Several of my friends and family are coming down sick with the virus, usually from a child too young to vaccinate. Hang around a petri dish of a kid and you are bound to eventually fall ill...though that's nothing new! Am I afraid of getting sick? Nope. Am I afraid for those who cannot get the vaccine or are at higher risk of infection? Hell yes! So I'll gladly wear the mask. I'm traveling soon and need to be careful not to snag any germs along my way. Air travel doesn't really bother me because of the air exchange, but the actual airports make me leery. However, I am unlikely to have issues.

I gave platelets yesterday and they were in desperate need of blood products of all types. With the hurricane shutting down collection and more injuries there needing blood, the national supply is really low. Plugplug: Go give if you can! I have a random bruise from it that just traveled from the poke to the bottom of my arm. No pain, just bright blue bruising. I'll take that to help others. Also managed to drive home to check my mail and snag coolers for my mom to thaw her freezer. But now I'm tired. It's a good thing that it is really slow at work. Which I should get back to shortly. Still have five minutes in my break.

I'm ravenously hungry. The lunch that was supposed to last me through till tomorrow will probably all be lunch today if my mouth has any say in it. But that is all part of flexing through the day. I will need to watch my snacks this afternoon to leave enough room for a heavy dinner. And now time to get back to work.

Any suggestions for staying on track when traveling?

Off the Wagon Again

The past two weeks have been a free-for-all on foods. Yes, there was a vacation in there, but that doesn't excuse the eating until overfull and then some. Mostly no exercise too. I have put on 5 pounds since SparkPeople closed. I haven't been tracking my food for the first time in over a year and it shows with how many times I have forgotten what I ate. Hard to gage how much food I need without tracking when I don't feel full until I am overfull. Not due to no options for logging food--there are plenty of trackers. Just more due to giving up for some reason. It is easier to choose inaction than to try something new. Knowing that, I am not too sure how I am going to keep up with active family next month. 

And holy hell, the vacation is only two weeks away! I will need to await new swimsuits to see what fits. I don't think the extra pounds will go well with the current top I have and the bottoms I just got will most likely still be too small. But a little more money dropped later and I will have something to wear while trying to not get sunburned. The old suit is disintegrating and just is not going to cut it. Some sewing of the old suit might help if need be. Also might want to search for some of my goggles too.

With more and more of my vaccinated friends falling to COVID I am once again having second thoughts about travel. But my likelihood of getting severely sick are slim. I just need to not be a carrier for getting other people sick. I'm wearing my mask at work when other people are in the building, unlike right now. Better to be cautious, especially just after travel! (And I think that there is a mask mandate again in the state, so I need to wear it anyway.)

As a side note, I appear to have left my little baggie of travel goops up north. Sad because those were my specialty containers for camping. Oh well, I can use the backups and try to send out feelers for where I might have left them around the room there. You always have to lose at least one thing per trip. All things considered, that was a minor loss.

I suppose that my lunch break is about to be up so I should end this thing. But there are so many new ramblings I could go about rambling on!

Wishful Thinking

Of Meds and Travel

Here's a good thing (at least a thing): I'm coming off of one of my meds--the one that controls my RA, or at least has over the past eight years. It also happens to be over $4000 dollars, something that I can't afford if I am on my own insurance. But just maybe, maybe, I can become more independent, ask for a raise and be able to actually survive and thrive without Medicaid. I know I could get a raise, it is just a matter of how much I would have to make to break even and make more through that raise. There is no reason to get a raise when I won't be able to afford my medical care despite the extra income.

But that dilemma will have to wait a few months while I discover if I am able to be without the meds. I have already been sick on it, so I am scrutinizing every ache and pain I come into during the day. So far it seems that I am a little more sore than usual, but not anything approximating a need for a cane. I will need to intervene if I feel an actual flare coming on. Last time was two and a half years ago while under the stress of the St. Patrick's Day rollout in December. Stress does a number on me, and so long as I can hold it together mentally, I think I may be good to go. I wonder how much of my illness was stress-induced...there's probably a correlation mentally too. I just want to be off of more pills if I can, especially one that costly.

In other news, camping is on hold so long as this monsoon front keeps dripping on us. I have noticed that if there is any rain around, the camp spot gets dumped on for some reason. Just means I need to be careful when I go out. I do think I will continue to go out to that one, bear or no bear. This is why I have the dog. Just need to keep the door open a bit to let him get out and chase away any two or four-footed creatures. But that will probably be till at least September and has to be wiggled around the vacations.

Speaking of vacations, boy am I glad that I cancelled the cruise. The delta variant has been taking hold of the country so there is no reason to endanger people in Bermuda with my germs. It also means that if there are any travel restrictions come October, I will be fine since the cabin is in NM. I planned for that, though it didn't look as likely to be a problem when I booked. Now? Who knows what two months hold in the lifeline of a virus.

So now I need to take the rest of my lunch break and find out what food is going to be this weekend. I'm not going to hit my ideal 200 lbs by my trip in two weeks, but I can certainly get back on the wagon that I have fallen off of since last Sunday. So lots of veggies and fruits in my future!

Wanderlust

I'm in a hurry to get out of the state. The wanderlust cannot be sated without it, and I am hoping that the family visits shut it up temporarily. Or for a long while if the boat can't leave port. As of checking today, Bermuda is still on lockdown with no foreigners allowed without a PCR test 1-3 days before arrival. Well, those take 24 hours minimum and we leave on a Sunday. That just isn't going to work. But we have two months to go. If they open in the next month we should be good to go. I will be sad if they have to reschedule since it will no longer be on my birthday, but I will deal with that as it comes, should it come. I'm stressed out about the chance that the flights don't line up with the embarkment times. Going to have to watch my timetables like a hawk to check for a short stop in Denver. At least in early October there is not as much of a chance of snow--not none, but low.

I've been watching lots of cruise-related YouTube videos and am itching to get on a ship NOW. Scoping out food, my room, and trying to remember to pack seasickness pills. We aren't going to have the flat-calm of the ride through the strait in Alaska. I'm close to the center of the ship, slightly forward. I liked the rock of the train, but this is going to be more motion I am sure. Dramamine for the win! Not sure how well I'll do with the dis/embarkation process since it involves many people, but they probably have that worked out. If I have an early flight I am going to make sure my luggage is pared down to minimum to both give me room to buy stuff, but moreso to give me an easy time with self-disembarkment. I think I'm on the 9th floor, so a 7th floor or even 5th floor is doable on the way down.

I've now been off my arthritis meds for a month and no ill effects so far. I think I may be rid of the dreaded RA. Which makes me wonder, did I ever have it or was it just a manifestation of the sheer amount of stress I was under? I know that back in 2005 I was starting to have troubles. even though I was an active and fit 21 year old. So at one point I am sure that I had it and it was uncontrolled. But after that? After 2008? I started Xeljanz just after Jason died, which collated with my symptoms and gut getting better. but that's not causation by any means. So do I still need meds? $4000 meds? I could possibly get a raise if I wasn't on that. I could probably get off one of my other expensive meds that would bring down the costs. The other $300+ two are off the table for getting rid of. So many meds. I want to not have to rely on medication--otc, herbal, or prescription--to get through the day. But that just is not in the cards anymore.

And now, as I sit here contemplating my existence and evaluating my body I am realizing that I hurt. Now I get to decide if I want to hurt and probably eat because of it, or take the blasted meds that can solve the problem... Solve the problem. I don't want to raid my snack cabinet yet. And now lunch and break are done and it is time to go back to doing work, such as it is--slow day. Nice.

Progress!

 I did it! I made it to 50 pounds lost since last year! I'm 205.5 as of two days ago. Probably back up to 206.5 since that was yesterday. Either way I made it to the goal despite having five months of stagnation. I call that a win! Now I just have at least twenty more to go, preferably fifty more to get down to 150 ish. Not sure if that is going to happen, but I'll figure it out once I get to 180, then 165 before 150. I will need to exercise more to get that far, and that should include more strength training. I could unbury the weight machine in my bedroom at Mom's and use that, which would be a good idea. Or at least the pushups and planks and such. And more hikes.

July 17th, 2020                  June 27, 2021

And on the subject of those hikes, I need to remember that I can still go hiking even if I am not camping. Haven't decided if I have gotten scared of the bear or just wary that he is going to be there, especially if I leave the food and trash out while hiking or sleeping. At least he left in a huff rather than advancing. Good thing to look up on the interwebs. Not sure. But oh, the trees! And the hiking on uneven ground is ideal for shaking up my routine and increasing my ankle strength, despite my boots acting like a crutch sometimes, which is a good thing. So yeah. Time for more hiking, perhaps hitting the national forests that actually have greenery. I'm fine with driving, and the dog is always happy to go for a ride. Have to wait for his foot to heal first though, and that means no more chance of dislocated toe and no more sore. Lots of paw wrapping for the next while until it is no longer itchy otherwise he will keep licking it and getting it back to a raw sore. Till then, no walks. Hell, the rain makes the darn bandage wet, which then transfers to the bandage. Need to leave it on though, and reapply as necessary. Which means no camping until it is all healed up. Probably will be bald on that spot after this, but that's okay so long as it heals.

I think I'm starting to realize portion sizes and figuring out why I am ravenous after dinner--lack of water and boredom, with a little mix of pain thrown in there for a good mix. I can take care of two of those quickly, and the boredom is easy to fix as well if I start another project like the book, which has been languishing in limbo for a while now. And now that the state is opening back up on the 2nd, I can go back to taking up space in a restaurant that has extra tables like Flying Star, or even Starbucks. That is if I can keep my portions to a minimum and just put away the extra for later, especially if I go for something like the strawberry and banana French toast at Flying Star. At least if I go to Starbucks the tea is minimal calories other than the bit of milk and sugar, and the coffee cake is 300 some calories. That could easily count as lunch some Monday or Friday. I wonder if there will be a run on restaurants like Starbucks that have social spaces. Most likely. We shall see.