Life is...

Strange. I have a mix of feeling that lead me to believe that I am in a pretty good space right now. That's a scary thought. It's something that I hesitate to type. But I'm going to, since it is a good thing to focus on the good sometimes.

I also found this pretty birdie. Meep! Meep!

I have plantar faciitis. I also have a freaking great podiatrist who is working me through getting rid of the dang problems. Two shots and a pair of crutches to get around and it should be getting better soon. I even had the forearm crutches from long ago when my arthritis was kicking up bad. Going to be able to walk (hopefully) by Monday, once the steroid crystals go away. Healing is a good thing.

My pooch has a (mostly) clean bill of health and clean teeth. The lump on his foot was benign. And, even though he had a seizure while he was under anesthesia, it was not something more serious. Link is even getting most of the time during the day outside of his Cone of Shame! (He's most happy about being able to play ball now.)

It's been a little over four weeks and I have lost 13.5 pounds. That's pretty impressive for someone who is on two meds that can cause weight gain. First week of shedding? Water. After that? Score! I'm focusing on not going overboard so that it is sustainable and safe. 13.5. Huh. After the foot is fixed I can get back into walking again. Maybe strength training, which I haven't done in years!

My 13th anniversary of my wedding was earlier this month. There was some sadness, as is to be expected, but most of it was looking back at a happy time. Five years we had, and most of it was spent well. Good times.

Finally, I have good friends. I may not see them for months at a time, but I still love them.

But now it is time to find something to eat that is healthier than cookies. I have a full pantry and yet don't want to cook. So many things like that to be thankful for. But I really should come up with dinner other than southwest eggs.

An Interesting Month

 A lot has happened in the last few weeks as for how my life is going.

1. I started not only cutting out the cereal and bread, but actually diving into the illustrious keto side of things. Now, I was compelled to do this for several reasons, some of those were better thought through than others. But it's working. Over the last 3-4 weeks I have lost 11 pounds, acknowledging that four-ish of those are water. Not too shabby, if I don't say so myself. 

2. But I am having to monitor my food intake in a way that I wasn't expecting: I'm actually fighting eating too little. At least I am keeping a close eye on just how much caloric intake I have each day in addition to the traditional keto thing of just monitoring the macros of carb/fat/protein. Dropping too much too fast is nothing that I have run into before while not feeling starved all day. So I'm being careful.

Freedom! No Cone of Shame! (momentarily)

3. Then we have the dog, Link. He went in for a tooth cleaning and to get a little black ... something? ... taken off of his paw. I was chilling at the house waiting for the vet to call to pick up the fuzzbutt when a call came in, but not to pick him up. Don't fret. He's mostly fine. I had to leave him there for a while before coming in at the end of the workday. When I picked him up I got to talk to the vet--Link had a short seizure while he was under anesthesia. All worked out fine, but we will need to keep that in mind in any future procedures. 

4. But I broke shortly after that. I worried about what I would have done if the dog hadn't made it through that procedure. If he had come out different from when he came in. And that sore? I had it sent off for pathology but won't hear back until at least mid next week. So I fret. Is there anything I can do between now and then? No. Is there anything I can do about his seizure? Nope. So it would make sense if I simply put it down as things to take into account and worry about later, if warranted. I am fretting anyway.

5. As a silly thing (well, silly in my sick mind), that Damn Dog started out with stitches on his lower leg where they took off the thing. The vets left for lunch. And came back to carnage where Link had nibbled the stitches out and was bleeding all over the place. (It was only an inch long incision!) So the vet upped the ante: staples! Cone! Oh, that dog can radiate the ultimate sulk when he wants to, and the Cone of Shame is an instant cue to ramp up the sulk. He's been restricted to almost full-time cone since his surgery Tuesday. I finally let him out for a while for a good snuggle, brushing, and playtime tonight. Wow! He mostly behaved in not nibbling at his staples, so long as he is in straight view of me. Hiding in the bedroom out of sight? Nope. Nibblenibblenibble. He gets to stay on his floor bed in front of me where I can see when his sneaky self decides to scratch an itch. Eventually next week he'll get out the itchy things (staples) and then we can see about full-time freedom after that.

But I digress. That's the world as of right now. Welcome to my life.

Dreams and Nightmares

Jason's birthday was on the 5th. I was only partly insane, probably not as much as his awesome mom and dad. Some days are harder than others. Last week 12 years ago we were in Kauai on our Anniversarymoon. For some reason reliving those photo places sent me into a little bit of a not-good-place. Not horrible, mind you, just...uncomfortable? Which is fine. Memories are good and keep his memory alive.

I also had a very strange dream. My pooch, Link, had gotten loose and was running wild in the middle of traffic. I knew it was him from his bright green collar. I saw him get hit. I panicked of course, and tried to drive backwards off the onramp (I even could tell you the exact streets) to get to him. I looked and looked and finally saw him in a vet office being taken care of. His paw was bent at an odd angle and he looked scared. Probably not as scared as when I woke up in a sweat. He's not a child, but I do worry about him, and being rather off from the 5th was just fueling the fire for nightmares--though not of Jason. Just the other male in my life that keeps me sane.

He hasn't been joining me on walks because there haven't been any walks to join. I see the specialist tomorrow to see how we can treat the blasted plantar fasciitis since I've tried all the conservative methods that I know of/could find on the interwebs. Stretches? Got 'em. Strengthening? Been there, done that (and have very happy ankles, just not feet). Exercise? Counterproductive, as it turns out. Good boots? The only thing keeping me on my feet. So we'll see what he says.

The only other thing is that in the past two weeks I have not only lost weight (my feet thank me) but have lost 6 pounds! Yes, the first couple were probably water, but I now officially have gotten rid of a small dose of one of the meds I am on. I am in and out of ketosis depending on the day which seems to have upped the concentration of it--less meds=good thing! So I'm proud. It's only been two weeks and two days, but I will take every bit I can.

But now it is time to figure out what lunch is going to be, considering that I failed to pack anything this morning. Snack food to the rescue! 

As an aside: I have an awesome boss who trusts me to be a productive member of the organization. No micromanaging!

Discovery? Maybe?

Monsoons = Inflammation   

Way back in 2007-2013 I had to modify my diet to eat gluten free to keep my guts happy and useful. Having a short tether to a bathroom really is no fun. Not celiac, just intolerance. At the time my rheumatoid arthritis was kicking up a storm as well and my stress level was through the roof from dealing with Jason's terminal illness. It was a perfect storm of inflammation that let up only late in 2013 once that stress level had gone down. The RA mostly subsided and a trial run of fresh croissants led me to test the waters and eventually plunge back into the world of gluten.

Fast forward to 2022 and a surgery for gallstones. That tether to a bathroom was back and it had shortened the leash. "It'll just go away." "Tough it out." Yeah. Nothing was working and it appeared that there was no light at the tunnel. This amped up the stress because that makes hikes and walks difficult (not to mention simple life things like shopping) knowing that at any moment my body may decide that it's time to be rid of stuff...often at inopportune moments.

Last week I started a low-carb, medium-fat/protein diet which inadvertently cut out gluten and most large sources of sugars. Other than that little misstep with eating an entire cantaloupe at one sitting (uh. oops.), my innards have been cooperating. It took my mother pointing out the correlation out to me. Also my RA has been kicking up, adding to the inflammation, but I wasn't sure whether to link that to true RA flaring thanks to extra monsoon weather or to some other source of ouch. I haven't had a flare since 2019 and I went off all of the RA meds since 2020...hoping that this doesn't go full-blown, but I have meds in case it does.

So here is the magic question: What gives with the cooperating innards? Gluten? General sugars? Different body outlook? Correlation does not always equal causation.

Next question: Will the healthier eating affect the RA/other joint pain issues? Not sure what oral steroids might do to me, but it may be time for the RA .Hoping that the dietary changes might calm the plantar fasciitis a bit too from less inflammation in general, or even if only from there being less of me to schlep around. 

Now it is time to think about which munchies I want for lunch. I bought a selection of goodies to keep at work and I am slowly picking my way through them to try a little bit of each. Best so far? The feta stuffed olives. NOM!

Another New Beginning

Holy Crap. My Boss Cares.

Yesterday I decided that I was going to get back on the journey to get healthier. I packed a healthy lunch and avoided the loved/dreaded on-campus lunch (flame-grilled giant hamburgers and cake to be exact). Shortly after lunch--and an exploding printer ink cartridge--my boss talked to me and somehow managed to bring up the topic of health very, very gently. It is pretty darn obvious that I have gained 50 pounds over the last six months after slowly shrinking for over a year. He asked if I had been getting sleep (still tired from COVID, so yes), mental rest (yes, I am good at that when anxiety isn't interfering), and snuck in a question about if I had seen a nutritionist (ding ding! There it goes!). Now, I somehow didn't get offended. It felt like concern rather than chiding. Yes, I am getting paid for a transaction of service, but he was honestly concerned for my wellbeing.

So. Yeah. I was glad that I already had started my new endeavor or I probably would have shut down and been an anxious and teary mess. But he knew that I had started, so he may have found an in for the conversation. As it was, I just felt...cared for? Yeah, that's the best word I can come up with.

In other news: Soaking Rain. It has pretty much stopped now, but we had a soaking rain overnight that was slow enough to not trigger flash floods or slides in the burn scars around the state. And it's only supposed to reach 75 today. A far cry from the 100s a week and a half ago! Welcome, monsoon! Please stick around and fill the soil and reservoirs, please. It does mean that I got to dig out a shirt that I only got to wear a couple times earlier in the year before the weather got too hot. It is snug now (*sigh*) but still fits and is cute. It's also warmer than my sleeveless dresses that I usually wear over my basic pants--wind means I don't wear them alone...and my blindingly white legs that nobody wants to see, including me.

Sleepy Snuggles from Over the Weekend

The dog is going into withdrawal since Dad left the state on another jaunt. REALLY clingy. I even let him up on my lap yesterday since he was so attached to me and needy. He also was pretty sore, despite wanting to play tug. So I gave him pain meds and let him snooze on my chest. And snore. Good Lord, the snores. But after that he was quite happy to lay on his own couch and snooze/snore and rumble Mom's chair, so I must have fulfilled his need for touch. And it was nice for me as well.

RAIN! DIRT!

Summer in the desert: Hot. Windy. Dry…And wet?

In short: Fires. Yup. The state is on fire, mostly thanks to the local Forest Service’s incompetence and mismanagement. But that is a rant for another day. But that does mean hefty smoke in some areas and a giant hope that monsoon season shows up soon. And it is supposed to—this weekend in fact. Even if I have to wipe off muddy paws, I’m happy to do it, and maybe even frolic in the drips if I get the urge (though probably not nekkid). It can’t come too soon for my liking.

Yesterday at work I got to play in DIRT! Yes, you read that right. I got to take care of our much-neglected houseplants, including my poor hibiscus that needed over half the bag of dirt to get it back up to where it needed to be. That bush (tree?) is my baby. It is the reason I have the small cozy office instead of the huge sterile one. That and the prolific philodendron keep me company in my cave.

In other news, I have mostly recovered from COVID-19. Just some slight taste changes, more joint pain, and a pretty hefty dose of fatigue. I escaped pretty darn well compared to others. Working is difficult for the last half of the day. I had to take my 15 minute break yesterday afternoon for a (alarm set) nap. I can’t wait for that to get better, though with how much I need naps in general I am not sure how long that is going to take. But breaks are awesome and I can get in 10 minutes of sleep out of those 15 and that is enough to tide me over till I get back to the house. Dear naps: I love you. Be patient with me.

Scared *&^%less

Of what, you ask? Nothing much. Just words on a page. My own words on a page.  And sharing those words with other people. At the urging of a couple friends, I am once again looking into publishing my first book. I already paid to have it professionally edited (and that was pricy), so I have a head's up on some other competition. But it is a genre-bender. Cyber-punk meets Urban-fantasy--for those who know RPGs, this is where Shadowrun fits best. And that is a problem since when I tried before, nobody wanted to touch it. I even went directly to Shadowrun, knowing that there would have to be major overhauls of the story. They don't want unpublished writers.

Damn. I sure could use this button.

BUT

The Shadowrun people do often have openings for short stories and blurbs for their sourcebooks that I might qualify for and keep my writing going in that genre. After a good schooling in the current Shadowrun system and intricacies. Then there is the 2,000-word writing example hook to be submitted for review.

AND

The second book is ready for reading, and almost ready for professional editing. I have more tweaking that needs to happen, but that is what is keeping me focused for now. This one is a Young Adult Fantasy (that could be just simply lumped into Swords and Sorcery Fantasy) that is far from the first one on topic and characters. I have yet to find where I can market this one to.

Until something I reach out for magically works, I will just have to keep prodding agents and corporations until someone gets tired of me asking for attention.