Who am I Again?

Good darn question. There are days I question my sanity. Then there are weeks where I question it. The past two weeks have been in that vein, especially the last week. So what's wrong? The upcoming trip, of course, is weighing heavily on me, though it is nothing out of the ordinary for me. And the rest of life is pretty darn stable. So why am I not? Chemistry. Better or worse living through chemistry, I am almost certain. And that's just how it is going to have to be for the next week, then I can work on lowering stress and futzing with the chemistry side of things.

On a different note, this week I took stock of the people in the gym, both at my normal spot and one closer to the middle of town that was right across the road from my doc. I saw three women, myself included, when I was treadmilling at my normal spot (2 pm) and only one other woman at the different location (3 pm). None of the women were on strength training equipment. The rest were mostly semi-buff men. Things I didn't notice when I signed up. So I'm a wee bit intimidated, but determined to get out on the floor and do my best. On a good note, the strange acting chemistry has me motivated to go to the gym when I can.

I have the much-put-off trainer visit today, assuming all goes well. Today and tomorrow in fact...which now that I think of it may be a bad idea to be sore on the road. Oh well. I will have earned it and have something to distract me from the miles. I have no idea what to expect except for learning about where I am right now and maybe a short foray into the machines. It's only a 30 minute session, which isn't very long in the grand scheme of things. I have two more after this.

Oh yes, and when I first got my evaluation from a trainer, included in the membership price, they suggested two to three trainer sessions A WEEK. At $65 a pop. There was a special for the first three, hence, I have them. But each week? *Pfft!* That ain't gonna happen. I just want to be able to use the machines correctly so I am not relegated to treadmills (which I have at both homes) and the pool (which is nice and all, but I really need strength training). If I have to use YouTube to learn how to use them I will. Not the best idea, but it will work in a pinch. So I am going to be using the facilities to the best of my ability. Whatever that is. And I wonder if I will still have this energy after the great medicine futz.

Threatened with the Inevitable

Late last week we got bad news about my grandmother. The doctor was recommending that she go on hospice care. She hasn't been getting better after her hip surgery and is mentally declining. 

BUT

After that suggestion she suddenly started to get better. With the aid of a little pain meds she has been working on moving around and breathing better. When threatened with the inevitable, sometimes that is a push to defy time. So she currently isn't on hospice, though she has round-the-clock care that is probably better than what she would have in an inpatient care facility. And she's in a home setting with that care--not her original home, but a home that is not a facility. And usually she would have Grandpa there with her. However, that got interrupted this week after only a few weeks of her being back with him.

He has health problems, that is known. And he's had trouble breathing on and off for the last many months. This week it was bad enough that he used Grandma's oxygen machine (the extra one that would not deprive her of her own air) of his own volition before finally admitting defeat and going back to the ER. Once there they tried to find out what is going on. 

They found one of the problems: 1.5 LITERS of fluid in one of his lungs. It can be pretty hard to breathe with one full water balloon taking up space in your chest cavity and only one squished lung that works at all. So they got rid of that and all of a sudden he could breathe unassisted again. He's still in the hospital while they figure out just why it happened. Hopefully he will be out soon with a fixable answer.

Grandpa with Link in 2014

On that note, Mom and I are heading back up to see them both this weekend in another whirlwind trip from Saturday to Monday (Maybe Tuesday). We'll see how it goes. Only a small chance of snow, but we're taking the cold-weather gear just in case. And it's supposed to be lows in the teens in South Dakota so we're going to want it for there anyway.

In other news, I am on the way to a healthier me and it is going well, though so far I have only taken advantage of the pool due to my unfamiliarity with the weight machines. That will come over the next two weeks with the trainer (which has been getting pushed back quite a few times due to scheduling issues on both sides). So I swim. 

Especially when I remember to take my bag in the morning. I have made it a point to take it with me, but twice out of the the past two weeks I have managed to forget it--that second time being today. Last time I had to get back to the gym because I had an appointment with the trainer. Today? Not so much. I am am striving to not Nope-out of going back to the gym after getting home. I shouldn't have too much of a problem now that I have a secret weapon: my swim headphones. I swear that whoever developed bone-conducting technology must have been either hard of hearing or a swimmer. Yesterday I tried them out for the first time and found myself NOT looking at the clock and instead just paddling away while listening to (loud) rock music. Instead of 30 minutes of gee-I-should-keep-going I suddenly looked up and found myself 20 minutes over my goal. Score! So I think that will help keep me going a little easier. Also I can wear the gadget while lifting and such while still being able to hear what is going on around me. Double score!

So I will be exercising when I can, traveling when I have to, and trying to eat reasonably overall. I want to get back below 180 by the end of November. That's three pounds. I can do that. Or I will just take the time my body needs, if that be what is necessary. We'll see.

I Took the Plunge

After much deliberation and musing and hemming and hawing, I did it. I bought a year's worth of gym membership. This includes classes and pool too, though the classes are mostly geared toward those in much better shape than I am. And the big classes aren't offered when I need to be there anyway (which sucks). 

Next Tuesday I have an assessment appointment with a trainer to see where I am, where I want to be, and how best to get to get there. After that there are a few one-on-one trainer sessions that I paid for that will teach me how to use the weight machines since that is what I am seriously lacking, especially for my knees and Entire Upper body. All of it. But that comes after the assessment.

But. I did indeed take another plunge.

These are not my pasty white legs

Literally. In a pool. With old people. Some of whom could kick my butt. Then I added in the highest challenge of water barbells on my first time. Like those frail old people probably could, the class did indeed kick my butt. At least my arms got some serious workout, legs less so. The little bit of lap swimming helped as well. And I'm tired from it too. Meds are on board now for confused muscles. But I can only do those classes on rare occasions since it is at 8 am MWF and I am at work on Wednesday, and home Monday and Friday. But I know how to use the barbells now, and the lap swim is almost always available at the time I would be there.

And now I have plans to use the gym twice a week--something that will keep me from going out to eat as much as I do and that alone will pay for the membership. It ain't cheap (it isn't that expensive either), but it should be well worth it.

So now I get to make myself carry the gym bag in the car so I have no reason to skip out on necessary activity. I'll have to take it into the office with me on hot days, but it will be worth it! Wish me luck that I can keep up on this and make the use worth what I pay for.

Feast or Famine

Sometimes life tosses some serious feasting into your life. Read: The last week in September. Next up: Famine. Okay, so it is not exactly famine, but rather back to eating healthier. Feasting was the trip the week before last that landed me five pounds heavier AFTER allowing for water weight. Well, a week later of working on it and I have gotten rid of two of those pounds. My mental state is a little better knowing that I am making progress again. At the beginning of the year I was at my current weight--185. I made it all the way down to 173 in May and June and, thanks to a wonderful streak of exercise being brought to an end, it has all been uphill from there.

Back in the middle of the year my foot acted up enough that I was doing well to just walk across the parking lot, much less a mile or more. It landed me, ultimately, in an orthopedic walking boot for a couple weeks in September. After working my way back from that I am beginning to test the waters and trying to not make anything flare up again. I have been slow to put my toes in the water of exercise though. And my eating has been anything but healthy since June. 

I decided that it was my birthday month, I was the one who could do it, and it was time to fix the problem. I started to do that that this last week. Exercise didn't happen, but food control and portioning did. And that was enough to make a two-pound dent. Next up: continuing that and adding in exercise, even if only a little bit of it at a time. So back onto keto I go and I have my eyes on a new thing to try:

A gym membership that won't gather expensive dust.

This one would include a pool for when my joints are truly ticked and machines for a little bit of strength training. Maybe even, GASP!, a class or two since they are included in the monthly fee. That may even put in a bit of accountability to the whole thing. And my goal? Go once a week. Minimum, mind you, as more is encouraged. Just once a week instead of going out to eat. It should be just as good for my brainz as going out, but far healthier and cheaper. (Post-workout eating out damage is not included) On a secondary bonus there is a special going on for my birthday month...er...their anniversary of founding so the sign-on fee is pretty much waived. Happy Birthday to Me! My swimsuit set even still fits from the last time I was down at this weight (2018) so there is no outlay of time or money on the evil that is swimsuit shopping. (Having boobs may seem awesome, but apparel shopping is one area where they are most definitely a hindrance and not a feature.)

The Dark and Stormy Seas of Health

I can do this. I keep telling myself that I can and that I keep backsliding...except I haven't really. In 2020 I was 256.5 pounds and I have not seen that number since I started. Yes, there have been ups and downs, but most of those are due to physical ailments leading to mental ailments following closely behind. So I start once again. But not at 256.5. Not at 220. Or 200. 185.5 as of today. And how am I celebrating that? With a drink (a dark and stormy knockoff to be exact), carefully budgeted into my food for the day, knowing it will put me over where my calorie target is, but plenty near where I am comfortable with it being and knowing I have had the nutrition I need. And that's the key, moderation. And I am choosing to add rum into today's nutrition. Because I can. And if I don't splurge somewhere I will fall off the wagon in a hurry. So: rum.

Family Fun vs. Vacation

I just got back from roughly 2000 miles of driving over ten days. Went from Albuquerque, NM to Hill City, SD and back with lots of small trips into the city to see the grandparents. It meant that this was less of a vacation than my solo escapes, but it was worth it.

Grandma is 88, and Grandpa is 92 (I think. Grandma may be 87). Their health is rough, with Grandpa still mostly independent, especially for his age, with my Dad's help. Grandma is in and out of various healthcare homes and is...losing her mental capacities. We needed to go up and spend some time with them in a longer time than the normal five day whirlwinds. So Mom and I did. I still had one week of vacation left for my annual leave, and Mom had some of hers left as well.

The drive up was uneventful, as was the drive home, though we stopped overnight both directions instead of forcing all the way through in one 14 hour marathon. Which was good since I was mostly dead on the way home and Mom hadn't had sleep on the way down. Up meant that we could eat in our favorite spot on the way not once but Twice (and not be driving two-lane highway at night)! The place: Drover's in Brush, Colorado in the middle of nowhere at a livestock sales spot of all places. Best biscuits and gravy or country fried steak outside of Mom's place. Could we take mostly Interstate, yes, but it would involve going through Denver at rush hour(s) and miss the food stop for the same time spent on the road, without the added time in Denver.

The pretty house on an evil hill 

Up in South Dakota, Dad, Mom, and I (and the dog) spent a lot of time on the road since all of our spots to visit were far away from each other. Luckily, Dad did the driving for all that so I could rest in the back seat with the dog when he wasn't locked away at the house on hot days. Visits were kept mostly short since the grandparents needed rest frequently. Hell, after those visits I needed rest! I love them dearly, but it is difficult to have conversations sometimes, especially with Grandma. There will come a time when we can't even do that, so I will take it while I can get it.

It was nice being up there at the very end of tourist season since the roads were open and getting into restaurants was actually doable. The Black Hills is touron (tourist morons) hell during most of the summer. Most had vacated by the time we were out there. We also got to see the leaves turn almost overnight while we were there, which was really pretty. There were supposed to be Northern Lights, but I couldn't get a glimpse of them this trip. Pretty far south for them and I have seen plenty of them while I lived up in Alaska. Would have been nice though.

So eventually we made our way back home, tired of the road and dreading going back to work. Not too much to catch up on for me, but that didn't keep the dread from looming large last night. I'm counting the days (or hours) until I get the chance to go home and not be needed by anyone other than the dog. Just me, YouTube, Zelda, and the fridge. Maybe less of the fridge. I gained four pounds while I was out there, so it is time to get a hold on that whole thing. Eating out and overeating out every meal was killer on my waistline.

A common place for him to lay his head

And now it is time to wrap up and focus on not munching my way through the day. And for dog class tonight to see what is in store for us and the dogs surrounding Link to be snippy with. I hope he tries to be a pain in the ass so the trainer can catch him and help me keep it from happening again.