Merry Christmas Eve—Alone

And that suits me just fine.

Originally my plan was to spend last weekend at home and up in the city, making chocolates, hanging out with the dog, and overall just chillin'. That did not happen,

Not one bit.

I managed to get the norovirus gut bug from hell starting Thursday night. To put it in perspective, I slept on the bathroom floor for two days. I don't remember Friday. Of which I am probably very appreciative. I just got back to real food yesterday, if that gives you an idea of what tore through my system. But that is mostly taken care of. 

Between that, COVID last month, and whatever-the-hell I had in September, I got sick more in four months than I have in the past two years. I think. I may be having selective memory. But at least I had actual sick leave thanks to New Mexico law this year that got me through COVID. The other two times have blessedly been over weekends or vacations. That week of COVID would have cleared out my originally given three days that I had last year leaving me with nothing for the various migraines that I have begun to have over the past year (since my hysterectomy they have been rare, but more as of late). Thank you, New Mexico, for ensuring that I have reasonable sick leave!

So I got to spend the time Dad was in town for the parental units' anniversary mostly out of commission. And that means that I didn't get to visit like I would have liked. It also meant that my expected partial weekend on my own was a little less enjoyable than planned. Instead, I chose to spend this weekend at home instead spending New Year's weekend up with Mom. I needed a break.

And that means that I am spending Christmas with the dog at home without the pressure of cooking, appearing put together, and facing the outpouring of spoons that I just don't have. Boss gave me Tuesday off, so my weekend is an extra day longer. I have me. I have the dog. I'll have spoon recovery. I'm good. 

On the dog. Dad found a lump on the pooch's side that I didn't know of since it isn't a place I usually scritch. So there is a vet trip on Friday and back to Albuquerque. Hoping that he just has a lipoma that can be ignored, but I need to make sure. I'm not really freaking out about it yet since there's nothing I can do about it. Oh, I'll panic eventually once I am closer to the visit/already in the visit, but for now I am calm. 

But for now, no panicking, no people, no (or little) stress. I am using a couple spoons for dinner tonight, but those will be easily recovered tomorrow.

Oh! And on spoons: Mousie (the original imaginary friend), spoon (spoonies), and teacup (TEA!) are about to be on my arm. All based on my momma's sketch after mentioning that I wanted these things on a wrist tattoo.  Here. Have a sketch.

Life is Good, Despite Interference

I remember rock climbing every weekend, horse riding, belly dancing, and martial arts of various types. That would have been from 2003 to 2006. Those days are gone, and that's okay with me. It was too much work since a few of those overlapped others, even on the same day. I learned the meaning of 'square horse stance' from riding a square-backed horse and then doing the practice an hour later. But I was younger and far less...um...experienced in life. Injuries, health issues, mental wringers, and sheer laziness have all kicked in. But I am going to get a little better than complete couch potato, and so far it is working.

These Kick My Rear

I have gotten back to eating responsibly (once again), even if it is realizing that some days will have more food or less/no exercise than others. That combined with the strength training I have been doing at the gym and home have started me down on the scale again. I'm back below/at 180 pounds consistently now, so I know that I am making progress. I keep waiting for the time where I can get off the floor from a kneeling position rather than scrambling to both feet or using furniture as a crutch. Upper body? It's going to get better and maybe even fill out the skin that has decided to be bat wings. (I am not really expecting much on that front since even when I was rock climbing I had wings. Just my body being me.)

Got my foot fixed (once again with a steroid injection, luckily not the bone issues like earlier) so I can be back on the treadmill for at least short amounts while I build back up that muscle and have an easy warmup. Have I mentioned that I love my podiatrist lately? Because I do.

And Monday I worked my legs off. Stairs are not my friends. Yesterday was shoulders and back. I am just starting to feel those muscles. This is progress. I didn't overdo myself (at least not too much) as far as I can tell. It is going to take some time to find what works best. And then I get to switch it up again to start all over again with different muscles. And maybe get in a swim or two. We'll see. 

And I feel good.

Holidays are Bittersweet

I'm always leery of what my brain is going to do with holidays. Sometimes they are just like any other day and other times I get hit with a brick to the brain. Thanksgiving, humble though this year was, reminded me of chosen-family celebrations from long ago. When we each took a dish and ran with it. Jason? Tasty tasty dinner rolls. Me? Usually pecan pie with nuts held together with a tiny bit of maple-flavored goo. Not low calorie, to say the least. And then there were all the other dishes which we started in on in the afternoon and continued to feast upon throughout the night. 

Not My Pie. Mine Was Better.

Silliness ensued, of course. I don't remember if there was booze, but I am guessing that there was--and before you get any ideas, I don't remember because of the time since then, not because I was pickled. Maybe. So-called shirtless o'clock probably hit around dark with a pile of us on the floor/couch watching a bad movie or playing Guitar Hero. And all the bad and raunchy jokes we could come up with. There were many.

But those times are gone. Left behind are the good memories to carry onward. And that is okay. I hold onto those memories and stash them for darker times. Times when my brain can't hold onto the light. So I shove the good memories into my consciousness to try to force out the bad. It usually helps, so I call that a win.

So carry on, declare shirtless o'clock, and tease those around you mercilessly while eating all the good food loving family can create.

The Empty Lectern

This time of year is when Jason started really declining. 10.5 years since he passed, but the slow progression of his cancer really became evident at this point in the year. But I am healing over time. And it also brings up hard memories that I also cherish just as much as the good. 

One example is when he was supposed to deliver a presentation to the IEEE conference in Santa Fe in December of 2012. He wanted so badly to go, but his speech and cognition was just not there enough anymore for a live presentation. I offered to be his spokesperson, but we both knew that it was just not going to happen. It was with heavy hearts that we canceled his presentation, knowing that we had reached a milestone that we never wanted to happen. He was on what we referred to as the Tumor Fryer (I have a previous blog referring to that one here) and we were hoping for a miracle but realizing that miracles are few and far between. He had worked so hard to be invited to that event and it crushed him knowing that he couldn't participate. He decided not to go at all due to his speech issues.

The Empty Lectern

Having to cancel that presentation was, in some ways, an admission of defeat. An admission that the inevitable was happening. Something that we had staved off for far longer than any of his doctors though possible--all thanks to friends and family that supported us physically, financially, and emotionally. You have no idea how much you all helped, especially just knowing that someone was thinking about us and rooting us on.  (Are there onions being chopped in here? I feel onions.) Thank you all so much!

Memories of Beginnings

Just how did I meet my husband? I was clueless to his advances, despite his impressive skills at massage that he shared with me. So I remember well when I met him in my eyes. Not when I knew he had a Thing for me, just who he was. 

2010 Easter--not enough photos of both of us

Back in 2005 I was belly dancing, living on a good healthy diet, and walking everywhere on my college campus (which, admittedly, is small). So in short: I was built. I also was in a couple short acting skits that he was manning lights for. Cue the massages. In hindsight, a normal person would have taken this as being hit upon. Nope. Clueless. But I did look damn good in that cocktail dress I work for one of the skits.

One of my fellow actors invited us both to her house for a gathering which turned into more gatherings and a steady helping of bad movies, good company...and more of those sweet sweet massages.

But I was STILL clueless.

He asked me out once, but I turned him down as I was more focused on classes that were kicking my butt. (Calculus, I'm looking at you.) So we continued the gatherings and, unbeknownst to me, basically started going out with him on accident. Our first 'date' was actually instigated by one of the hosts of the gatherings much later on. At that point I realized that, no really, I was in a Relationship. Which confused me to no end since I never saw it coming. To be exact, I had never really been in a dedicated relationship before, so it was all new territory.

I have turned down quite a few people because I was an incorrigible flirt and had no intention of following through on the flirting. That is just how my friends and I played together. I still don't notice romantic/um...athletic attention, nor do I seek it out. I am quite happy to be a dog mom and ruler of my domain with no intention of changing that fact. Luckily my family is not pushing me to get married again or start up a relationship. They're fine with me as I am. 

But one thing I do miss is being more...I don't know...desirable? Yet I don't want the long-term attention, just a little encouragement that I have some attraction from the world. A push to my self-esteem as it were. And that is one reason that I am trying so hard, and sometimes stalling, at working toward a healthier me. Will I ever be in the shape I was when I was rock climbing, walking, belly dancing, and lifting weights? HAH! Nope. That's just too damn much work. But I want to see what I can do with what spoons I have. The gym workouts are happening. The damnable tendon damage and muscle use kicks in 48 hours post-exercising, but it will be worth it if it makes me stronger, more flexible, and--as a side effect--more toned. I want this for me, but there is that part of my mind that really wants it for, lets face it, attention. And I think that's perfectly fine so long as the other reasons come first.

A Comedy of Errors

I'm late to the game with this post, but I thought it was fun enough to get its own story.

Back on the 14th I decided to go north of town and watch the eclipse. Instead of staying in Albuquerque and seeing totality for several minutes, I took the easy way out and went just up the road to where I could see it for a short while...and avoid all of the Balloon Fiesta crazies at the same time. So I scooted 15 miles north to San Acacia and found a nice spot off the road to park and watch the action.

Now, I had my phone plugged into the car and was watching the sun at the same time. This should have been a red flag for me since the car engine was off. If I just turn the ignition to radio mode the car won't play from my phone. But nope. Instead I had it on the accessory mode with all sorts of electronics on. But I was enjoying the sights and thought nothing of it.

Until I went to start the engine after the eclipse. And it was too dead to turn over.

That's okay, I have my battery jumper in the back. I dug it out and got everything set up and pressed the button. I hopped back into the car and tried the engine again. Still dead. Crap. I scoped out the lights on my jumper to troubleshoot. But there were no lights to be had. It was deader than my car battery. Well huh. 

As I was cussing up and down for not charging the blasted jumper, a cowboy that could have been a twin to Sam Elliott drove up. He tipped his hat and commented, "Hood and hatch open. Looks to me like you may have a problem. Can I help?"

I explained the problem and gratefully accepted his help since I was fairly off the road and hard to see. My cell coverage was meager and I was desperate, though I hadn't had time for that desperation to kick in yet. Pissed off was more like it.

He hopped out of his truck and dug around where his jumper cables should have been. Nothing. His son had taken them out and never put them back. But he said he'd be right back after he snagged them from his house just down the road.

A suspicious length of time went by so I cooled my heels. Then I slapped my forehead as I remembered that I carry jumper cables in my emergency kit! I dug them out in case he couldn't find his, which was my guess as to why he was taking so long. That could have saved a lot of headache for everyone involved.

He came back with jumper cables in hand. They looked pretty rough. He explained that his were nowhere to be found so he borrowed a pair from his neighbor. So he hooked everything up and I tried to turn over the engine. 

Nope. Nothing. But I now had my (brand spankin' new) cables! He hooked those up and voila! Success! 

I apologized profusely for taking up his time and offered to pay for his troubles, which he declined--I was expecting it, but I always offer. Then he tipped his hat to me and off he went. I then got to appreciate just how lucky I was for the day, eclipse, podcasts, cussing, wonderful help, and a short road trip. It was a good day.

And the jumper is now charged.

Who am I Again?

Good darn question. There are days I question my sanity. Then there are weeks where I question it. The past two weeks have been in that vein, especially the last week. So what's wrong? The upcoming trip, of course, is weighing heavily on me, though it is nothing out of the ordinary for me. And the rest of life is pretty darn stable. So why am I not? Chemistry. Better or worse living through chemistry, I am almost certain. And that's just how it is going to have to be for the next week, then I can work on lowering stress and futzing with the chemistry side of things.

On a different note, this week I took stock of the people in the gym, both at my normal spot and one closer to the middle of town that was right across the road from my doc. I saw three women, myself included, when I was treadmilling at my normal spot (2 pm) and only one other woman at the different location (3 pm). None of the women were on strength training equipment. The rest were mostly semi-buff men. Things I didn't notice when I signed up. So I'm a wee bit intimidated, but determined to get out on the floor and do my best. On a good note, the strange acting chemistry has me motivated to go to the gym when I can.

I have the much-put-off trainer visit today, assuming all goes well. Today and tomorrow in fact...which now that I think of it may be a bad idea to be sore on the road. Oh well. I will have earned it and have something to distract me from the miles. I have no idea what to expect except for learning about where I am right now and maybe a short foray into the machines. It's only a 30 minute session, which isn't very long in the grand scheme of things. I have two more after this.

Oh yes, and when I first got my evaluation from a trainer, included in the membership price, they suggested two to three trainer sessions A WEEK. At $65 a pop. There was a special for the first three, hence, I have them. But each week? *Pfft!* That ain't gonna happen. I just want to be able to use the machines correctly so I am not relegated to treadmills (which I have at both homes) and the pool (which is nice and all, but I really need strength training). If I have to use YouTube to learn how to use them I will. Not the best idea, but it will work in a pinch. So I am going to be using the facilities to the best of my ability. Whatever that is. And I wonder if I will still have this energy after the great medicine futz.

Threatened with the Inevitable

Late last week we got bad news about my grandmother. The doctor was recommending that she go on hospice care. She hasn't been getting better after her hip surgery and is mentally declining. 

BUT

After that suggestion she suddenly started to get better. With the aid of a little pain meds she has been working on moving around and breathing better. When threatened with the inevitable, sometimes that is a push to defy time. So she currently isn't on hospice, though she has round-the-clock care that is probably better than what she would have in an inpatient care facility. And she's in a home setting with that care--not her original home, but a home that is not a facility. And usually she would have Grandpa there with her. However, that got interrupted this week after only a few weeks of her being back with him.

He has health problems, that is known. And he's had trouble breathing on and off for the last many months. This week it was bad enough that he used Grandma's oxygen machine (the extra one that would not deprive her of her own air) of his own volition before finally admitting defeat and going back to the ER. Once there they tried to find out what is going on. 

They found one of the problems: 1.5 LITERS of fluid in one of his lungs. It can be pretty hard to breathe with one full water balloon taking up space in your chest cavity and only one squished lung that works at all. So they got rid of that and all of a sudden he could breathe unassisted again. He's still in the hospital while they figure out just why it happened. Hopefully he will be out soon with a fixable answer.

Grandpa with Link in 2014

On that note, Mom and I are heading back up to see them both this weekend in another whirlwind trip from Saturday to Monday (Maybe Tuesday). We'll see how it goes. Only a small chance of snow, but we're taking the cold-weather gear just in case. And it's supposed to be lows in the teens in South Dakota so we're going to want it for there anyway.

In other news, I am on the way to a healthier me and it is going well, though so far I have only taken advantage of the pool due to my unfamiliarity with the weight machines. That will come over the next two weeks with the trainer (which has been getting pushed back quite a few times due to scheduling issues on both sides). So I swim. 

Especially when I remember to take my bag in the morning. I have made it a point to take it with me, but twice out of the the past two weeks I have managed to forget it--that second time being today. Last time I had to get back to the gym because I had an appointment with the trainer. Today? Not so much. I am am striving to not Nope-out of going back to the gym after getting home. I shouldn't have too much of a problem now that I have a secret weapon: my swim headphones. I swear that whoever developed bone-conducting technology must have been either hard of hearing or a swimmer. Yesterday I tried them out for the first time and found myself NOT looking at the clock and instead just paddling away while listening to (loud) rock music. Instead of 30 minutes of gee-I-should-keep-going I suddenly looked up and found myself 20 minutes over my goal. Score! So I think that will help keep me going a little easier. Also I can wear the gadget while lifting and such while still being able to hear what is going on around me. Double score!

So I will be exercising when I can, traveling when I have to, and trying to eat reasonably overall. I want to get back below 180 by the end of November. That's three pounds. I can do that. Or I will just take the time my body needs, if that be what is necessary. We'll see.

I Took the Plunge

After much deliberation and musing and hemming and hawing, I did it. I bought a year's worth of gym membership. This includes classes and pool too, though the classes are mostly geared toward those in much better shape than I am. And the big classes aren't offered when I need to be there anyway (which sucks). 

Next Tuesday I have an assessment appointment with a trainer to see where I am, where I want to be, and how best to get to get there. After that there are a few one-on-one trainer sessions that I paid for that will teach me how to use the weight machines since that is what I am seriously lacking, especially for my knees and Entire Upper body. All of it. But that comes after the assessment.

But. I did indeed take another plunge.

These are not my pasty white legs

Literally. In a pool. With old people. Some of whom could kick my butt. Then I added in the highest challenge of water barbells on my first time. Like those frail old people probably could, the class did indeed kick my butt. At least my arms got some serious workout, legs less so. The little bit of lap swimming helped as well. And I'm tired from it too. Meds are on board now for confused muscles. But I can only do those classes on rare occasions since it is at 8 am MWF and I am at work on Wednesday, and home Monday and Friday. But I know how to use the barbells now, and the lap swim is almost always available at the time I would be there.

And now I have plans to use the gym twice a week--something that will keep me from going out to eat as much as I do and that alone will pay for the membership. It ain't cheap (it isn't that expensive either), but it should be well worth it.

So now I get to make myself carry the gym bag in the car so I have no reason to skip out on necessary activity. I'll have to take it into the office with me on hot days, but it will be worth it! Wish me luck that I can keep up on this and make the use worth what I pay for.

Feast or Famine

Sometimes life tosses some serious feasting into your life. Read: The last week in September. Next up: Famine. Okay, so it is not exactly famine, but rather back to eating healthier. Feasting was the trip the week before last that landed me five pounds heavier AFTER allowing for water weight. Well, a week later of working on it and I have gotten rid of two of those pounds. My mental state is a little better knowing that I am making progress again. At the beginning of the year I was at my current weight--185. I made it all the way down to 173 in May and June and, thanks to a wonderful streak of exercise being brought to an end, it has all been uphill from there.

Back in the middle of the year my foot acted up enough that I was doing well to just walk across the parking lot, much less a mile or more. It landed me, ultimately, in an orthopedic walking boot for a couple weeks in September. After working my way back from that I am beginning to test the waters and trying to not make anything flare up again. I have been slow to put my toes in the water of exercise though. And my eating has been anything but healthy since June. 

I decided that it was my birthday month, I was the one who could do it, and it was time to fix the problem. I started to do that that this last week. Exercise didn't happen, but food control and portioning did. And that was enough to make a two-pound dent. Next up: continuing that and adding in exercise, even if only a little bit of it at a time. So back onto keto I go and I have my eyes on a new thing to try:

A gym membership that won't gather expensive dust.

This one would include a pool for when my joints are truly ticked and machines for a little bit of strength training. Maybe even, GASP!, a class or two since they are included in the monthly fee. That may even put in a bit of accountability to the whole thing. And my goal? Go once a week. Minimum, mind you, as more is encouraged. Just once a week instead of going out to eat. It should be just as good for my brainz as going out, but far healthier and cheaper. (Post-workout eating out damage is not included) On a secondary bonus there is a special going on for my birthday month...er...their anniversary of founding so the sign-on fee is pretty much waived. Happy Birthday to Me! My swimsuit set even still fits from the last time I was down at this weight (2018) so there is no outlay of time or money on the evil that is swimsuit shopping. (Having boobs may seem awesome, but apparel shopping is one area where they are most definitely a hindrance and not a feature.)

The Dark and Stormy Seas of Health

I can do this. I keep telling myself that I can and that I keep backsliding...except I haven't really. In 2020 I was 256.5 pounds and I have not seen that number since I started. Yes, there have been ups and downs, but most of those are due to physical ailments leading to mental ailments following closely behind. So I start once again. But not at 256.5. Not at 220. Or 200. 185.5 as of today. And how am I celebrating that? With a drink (a dark and stormy knockoff to be exact), carefully budgeted into my food for the day, knowing it will put me over where my calorie target is, but plenty near where I am comfortable with it being and knowing I have had the nutrition I need. And that's the key, moderation. And I am choosing to add rum into today's nutrition. Because I can. And if I don't splurge somewhere I will fall off the wagon in a hurry. So: rum.

Family Fun vs. Vacation

I just got back from roughly 2000 miles of driving over ten days. Went from Albuquerque, NM to Hill City, SD and back with lots of small trips into the city to see the grandparents. It meant that this was less of a vacation than my solo escapes, but it was worth it.

Grandma is 88, and Grandpa is 92 (I think. Grandma may be 87). Their health is rough, with Grandpa still mostly independent, especially for his age, with my Dad's help. Grandma is in and out of various healthcare homes and is...losing her mental capacities. We needed to go up and spend some time with them in a longer time than the normal five day whirlwinds. So Mom and I did. I still had one week of vacation left for my annual leave, and Mom had some of hers left as well.

The drive up was uneventful, as was the drive home, though we stopped overnight both directions instead of forcing all the way through in one 14 hour marathon. Which was good since I was mostly dead on the way home and Mom hadn't had sleep on the way down. Up meant that we could eat in our favorite spot on the way not once but Twice (and not be driving two-lane highway at night)! The place: Drover's in Brush, Colorado in the middle of nowhere at a livestock sales spot of all places. Best biscuits and gravy or country fried steak outside of Mom's place. Could we take mostly Interstate, yes, but it would involve going through Denver at rush hour(s) and miss the food stop for the same time spent on the road, without the added time in Denver.

The pretty house on an evil hill 

Up in South Dakota, Dad, Mom, and I (and the dog) spent a lot of time on the road since all of our spots to visit were far away from each other. Luckily, Dad did the driving for all that so I could rest in the back seat with the dog when he wasn't locked away at the house on hot days. Visits were kept mostly short since the grandparents needed rest frequently. Hell, after those visits I needed rest! I love them dearly, but it is difficult to have conversations sometimes, especially with Grandma. There will come a time when we can't even do that, so I will take it while I can get it.

It was nice being up there at the very end of tourist season since the roads were open and getting into restaurants was actually doable. The Black Hills is touron (tourist morons) hell during most of the summer. Most had vacated by the time we were out there. We also got to see the leaves turn almost overnight while we were there, which was really pretty. There were supposed to be Northern Lights, but I couldn't get a glimpse of them this trip. Pretty far south for them and I have seen plenty of them while I lived up in Alaska. Would have been nice though.

So eventually we made our way back home, tired of the road and dreading going back to work. Not too much to catch up on for me, but that didn't keep the dread from looming large last night. I'm counting the days (or hours) until I get the chance to go home and not be needed by anyone other than the dog. Just me, YouTube, Zelda, and the fridge. Maybe less of the fridge. I gained four pounds while I was out there, so it is time to get a hold on that whole thing. Eating out and overeating out every meal was killer on my waistline.

A common place for him to lay his head

And now it is time to wrap up and focus on not munching my way through the day. And for dog class tonight to see what is in store for us and the dogs surrounding Link to be snippy with. I hope he tries to be a pain in the ass so the trainer can catch him and help me keep it from happening again.

Back to School

That's right, we're going back to school. Dog training time. This not-so-little pest has been gradually getting more crotchety, and hard-headed over the years and it is time that we both deal with that. His hearing is going and not just in the 'selective hearing' style where he could hear the fridge open but not a command to 'come'.  Time to figure out how to deal with that too.

He has earned himself a muzzle during class because he has bitten another dog (long ago, but he still would do it today, and I know it) and been aggressive toward people, especially tall men. We have had two classes so far, one day after the other since we are going to miss next week's meeting, and he is ahead of the curve so far. It is a basic obedience class, so he has things like lie and sit down pat. Stay is even good. Heeling and coming with distractions? Weeeeellll... we're getting back to those as the weeks of class go on.

He also earned himself some repeated correction since he already tried to intimidate another dog in the class. THAT is why he is in the novice class. I want to be able to have him pass by any dog on the path without having him over-guard me. He has, of course, got the women who run the class all eating out of his fuzzy paw (Within reason. They still are the bosses.). I wish there was a male teacher in the course to desensitize the pooch, but no luck. I will just have to start taking him to PetCo and such. Muzzle included. But not yet.

All ready to go in his day-glow car harness

In other news, I am having trouble with not gaining weight again. I had a small surge of motivation and told myself that THIS time would be my starting point again. Then my brain got down in the dumps but good. On top of that, one of my meds makes me hungry--ravenous is more like it--and I need a higher dose of it. But it works. The combo of brainz and meds means that life is going to be...interesting...for the next week and a half.

Mom and I are going to South Dakota to visit the grandparents, driving up late tonight after Mom gets off of work. It's going to be a long drive--13 hours-ish. And there are going to be so many traps to fall into for munchies. My goal, such as it is, is to just not gain any more weight. I want all the carbs. Specifically bread in all its forms. Even more specifically, biscuits and gravy. In large amounts. I am not looking forward to all the eating out. The drive is easy: only have healthy things to eat along the road. Eating out with family? Less easy and it is going to happen frequently. I'll manage. I'll manage. Just don't gain.

 

Heart Attacks and Goals

I'm drained. I'm tired. I'm stressed. My stress level has been high as of late and nothing much I can do about it right now. I've been going to bed at a reasonable time. And I've been eating. Lots. I keep trying to lose weight again and am just met with a stagnant scale. Yes, I know that the scale is not the be-all end-all of health. But I also haven't been moving while I let that foot heal. I now have dispensation to get back to walking as usual but haven't managed to get my butt either on the treadmill or outside. So that ain't increased muscle weight! I thought I was doing so well as of last week where I was below 180. The last two days have been over 185. And I know why. Only I put the food in my mouth. I'm stressed. I hurt. I'm tired. I'm going off the deep end. Those all combine into a nasty mix of hunger for all things edible. Not a good thing.

I went for a week without my diet sodas with no problems and replaced them with tea (granted, I was sick the entire time, but I did make the swap). I am hoping that by continuing that absence I will have less sugar and general food cravings. Besides, I can spend the money I would have spent on soda toward good tea. So far, no change in cravings that I can tell, but I am willing to give it time and hope for the best. And if not, more tea money.

In other news, this little pain in the arse gave me a heart attack yesterday.

The Smug Ruler of His World

Bedtime rolled around and I told Link that it was time to go outside. He didn't move. I petted his belly. Nothing, but it felt cold. My heart stopped. I shoved his body back and forth and talked to him in a panic. The pest then opened one eye at me. He had been asleep. Still in a state of fear I checked him over as he got up, yawned, stretched, and sat by the door ready to go for his nightly duties. I was dumbfounded. He seemed unharmed. Just sleepy. Okay. Fine. Pardon me while I try to get my heart rate and emotions back to a steady state.

So I take him out on his leash, as usual. I check one side of the house for Mr. Le Pew and let Link off the leash to go do his duties. And get a whiff of eau de skunk. Dangit. I should have checked BOTH sides of the house before letting him loose. Luckily it was only a minor spray, but still skunked. I mixed up the peroxide (which may have been old so I might need another round tonight), Dawn, and baking soda and off we went to the shower. Not how I had planned on spending part of the night, but I'll take a skunk any day in comparison to how I thought the night was going to end. And I'm back in tears just thinking about how it very well could have ended. 

It was a long night. He's been waking me up several times at night lately to get up and do his business. At first I thought he was faking it (and sometimes he is--he's crafty like that) but after seeing his needs I stopped getting frustrated and just grumble as I get up to keep him from having accidents in the house. I'd rather get up needlessly than clean up excrement. He's becoming an old man. I love him. He'll turn 11 in January. I do indeed love that old man and I'll be happy to have him here as long as he wants to be here.  

And now I'm in tears again. Dang dog. Giving me a heart attack. The Nerve!

If I Don't Kill It One Way...

 ...then I can sure find another way. On accident. 

I have been weed whacking around what I thought was a sunflower since the beginning of the season. It was just a hunch, but I have grown them before so I had a pretty good idea of what it was. I kept working around it, very carefully making sure to leave it space. I came back to the house after vacation and did my whacking just like before. Buried in the weeds was this pretty baby.

As seen from its original state

After I had all the yard beaten into submission I went back over to take a couple photos of my pet plant. And promptly dropped the weed whacker onto the plant. Flat out smooshed it to the ground and broke the stem. There was some cussing. But then I thought better about it. Why leave it unappreciated outside when I can take it inside and enjoy it for the life of the blooms! So I now give you my pet in its second life.

Because I can

I spent the last week of vacation convalescing with a cold. It was actually a good time to do it since I couldn't go out hiking like I normally do on vacations and I don't like dealing with the people of downtown Ruidoso. I go on vacation to places without people. Specifically, I go to places with trees and without people. This last one and its creek was ideal. I spent much of the time when I felt okay just sitting out by the creek and putzing on my laptop or phone.  I hooked up my Switch to play Zelda on the tv. I didn't even read because my brain was having trouble reading text on a page. My book remains mostly uncracked, despite having been on vacation. Heck, it even rained a couple times so I could just listen to the drops on the roof and the trees while I did absolutely nothing.

My rental host was worried about me and checked in on me to see if he could be of help. He even brought down some grilled hamburgers and fixings for me one night so I didn't have to cook. We talked back and forth and swapped stories on occasion, but he wasn't intrusive, just a good guy. He was awesome. For the most part, I bounced between the creek and the sofa bench in the trailer, followed by the bed with a pile of pillows. I was still on my crutches for a short time over the week, but the enforced downtime meant that I have been healing up better than I would have if I was home so I am completely off of them. (And 'downtime' is saying something since I can really be a sloth at my house.) I spent the week healing, in so many ways.

Now that I am back in the land of normal life I am decompressing from vacation mode and back into a place where I can be useful and keep up with things that just need done, want to or not. Weeds whacked. House vacuumed. And I'm still exhausted and have the cough, but nowhere near how I was the last week. I'll continue to heal. Reintegrate into society again. If I have to. I guess.

River? Creek? All mine.

Today marks the first day out at vacation in South-ish East-ish New Mexico near Ruidoso. And boy am I completely pooped and out of spoons for the time being.

Yesterday was my first whole day without that CAM moonboot thing. I've been on and off of crutches since then, using them when my foot/knees act up and then ignoring them until I need them again. I way overdid myself yesterday and paid for it today, where I also overdid myself but not to the same extent. My grand intention of leaving early and heading out to a historic site was waylaid by the need for sleep and not moving. Which was fine since, as it turns out, most of the area is not open to dogs. So it all worked out well.

I headed out for the new spot and got here around 3. I was met by a couple interested pooches and a nice gentleman who is the owner of the property. All told there were four poochies. One giant round great Dane that is completely blind was quite the surprise. After a quick overview of he property and the bells and whistles we got to introduce Link to the others. The three females who had all their faculties went well. The big beast who investigates by leaning on things? Not acceptable to Link. I stopped their introduction at a raised lip from Link. He was wearing his prong collar today as well because I was putting up with none of this shite while on crutches, let alone when dealing with other animals.

Of which there are many.

A small flock of chickens, two burrows, one goat, five horses, a rehabilitating hawk, four dogs, and a turkey. Oh, and the two raccoons in a trap waiting to be transported Far From Here. Beats a skunk in the trap.

There's also a creek/river. It would be a creek most places not-here. But it does have quite a bit more water in it than the Rio Not-So-Grande that I passed over earlier today, so I dub it a river. It has a name and everything. Not that I remember the name, but it does have one. There's even a little seating area that the owner set up for me, all mowed and everything! Note that the image does not give a good picture of the water: About five feet wide bank to bank.

Creek? River?

The location is right on the edge of an area that got burned out via forest fire about nine years ago. Took out the owner's buildings, but left most of the area around the river and surrounding non-pine trees. It is under those trees that I am currently sprawled out on a couch and typing. It is a travel trailer of pretty good size with all the amenities of home minus a tub. And a teakettle, but I'll be remedying that later. Everything else is great. Nice people. He even took in all my bags and Link's kennel so I didn't have to deal with losing spoons there. There was even a brand new Link-sized dog bed laid out and ready. Link got to be the first one to use it and get his fur all over (though I did brush him yesterday to get some of the fuzz off).

So now I am recharging the body-batteries and listening to the fan and hummingbirds flitting about and chittering. Not too bad of a way to spend an evening. Though I really need to go get groceries tomorrow if I know what is good for me since I only brought enough for a couple days plus sundries. And I need to pick up a kettle since there is no good way of making tea here and that just won't do. The coffee maker just doesn't cut it. 

So what do you think? Does a 5 ft wide foot deep body of flowing water count as a creek or river?

When Life Breaks, Fix It!

I fancy myself a little bit of a Jill-of-All-Trades. Plumbing is not one of those trades. Yesterday I found myself washing dishes and heard the distressing sound of water falling On things rather than Through pipes. What I saw when I opened the door was a soaked cabinet with almost all of its contents drenched. Now, it being a sink cabinet, hardly anything minded being doused, and a good half of it was nestled safely in the languishing dish rack I keep down there and not on the soaked cabinet floor. But I’m still on crutch/es and a big ol’ boot that restricts my movement and grace (what I have, that is). So, I emptied the cabinet and made sure everything was either wiped down or where it could dry before assessing the situation. There was evidence of where my lone mouse had set up shop many years ago along with a small trail of ants that had managed to survive the great culling from earlier this year. I didn’t clean the base of the cabinet because I was just out of spoons and my knees were killing me.

Lo and behold, the elbow pipe that connected to the sink drain had come loose.

Now I’m NOT a plumber. I can do some basics, but PVC piping is not one of them. Not a smidge. So, I put out a call on Facebook in distress on how to fix this when it was a Sunday, and no hardware stores were open. As it turned out, my loving brother-of-awesomeness helped me through the (two minute) fix. That was it. Two minutes. Maybe three if you count the creaking and cussing of me trying to get down to the sink level and back up again. And now everything is drying out completely for the next couple weekends before I jump the gun and end up with mold in there from putting things back on damp wood. No thank you. At least it was not a long-term leak with mold galore down there. I’ve had that happen in other houses and, man, is that a mess. And that was my plumbing crisis, lots of cussing and fretting all for a quick fix. I’ll take it.

And then there was the rest of the weekend, and fallout from the brain rollercoaster and body twisting while dealing with the sink.

I can get dumb and destructive. I stress. I hurt. I eat. Add in some sleepiness without tiredness and you have a masterclass recipe for self-destructive behavior. Such things as eating too much and sleeping too much or too little—or in my case going to bed way too late and waking up too late despite needing a regular schedule to stay something approaching sane. Heck, I threw caution to the wind and decided that it would be a good idea last week to just use the damnable CAM boot alone with no crutch at all for a day. Dumb AND destructive. I wondered why last Friday I still hurt when putting full pressure on the foot instead of blaming the sheer stupidity and lack of following directions. I focused on being good this weekend after that brief foray into dumb, with the exception of an unplanned house repair job. And it has been this way for a while.

But the rest of the ingredients from that recipe are still there and making life difficult for focusing on anything. Like I have probably said before, there is only so much willpower available for one person. When there is too much there to deal with, something—and probably several things—has to give. In this case it is eating (and general use, but that is a given with me as the first thing to go).

As some of you know, I’m following a keto diet and its been good for me and my health when I actually follow it, if nothing else than it keeps me out of the sweet treats. Yes, I know the drawbacks, and yes, I am willing to deal with them and stay with this long term. When I am at least staying on track carb-wise I don’t gain weight. I may not lose, but I don’t gain like I did earlier in the year and then have to take it all back off.  And I know how to do this. I stopped tracking what I ate a month ago. I didn’t always religiously track (though it does work better if I do), just so I could look back on earlier in the day and realize that I had in fact had enough food. I think it is time to get on that tracking train again since this stagnation is getting old. But I have been staying on the low carb aspect pretty darn well while not neglecting good things like veggies and fruits. And that is fine, but I am eating far too much. Only I can do something about that. I’m not sure I’m ready to act because I’m not sure I have the energy to do much more than make a valiant week-long effort followed by a spectacular and disheartening defeat. Been there. Done that. And right now I’m just holding on. 

I did a good thing for myself and went ahead with my platelet donation today at the cost of not being able to use one crutch—but I always feel better mentally afterward. (Call it a form of unintended self-sabotage as well.) And I just need to hold on for four days. Then a vacation starts that will hopefully be low-stress and easy on both the budget and waistline. Both things will require that oh-so-precious willpower and that may or may not break the spoon bank. Especially when physically taxed and already going into this mentally taxed. We shall see. Wish me luck!

Thinkin' Drinkin' (Tea) AKA More Memories

I have been doing some thinkin' drinkin' in the form of copious amounts of tea, hoping that the caffeine will keep me running smoothly. Which it mostly is. I do keep the purveyors of my addiction running with my support!

Volunteer Hollyhock

While contemplating the bottom of my mug and listening to the sounds of my tea kettle I mulled over the feelings I am getting from using the crutches that have mostly sat ignored in my shop since back in 2014ish. They only have had short one or two day stints out of their place. But they're there for when I need them. So why is this part of the thinkin' drinkin'? Because Jason was the one that convinced me to finally give in and admit that using two canes and ending up on the ground was just not acceptable anymore. Way back in 2010 (I had to look back to find out when it was) I was pretty much on them 24/7 except for short jaunts around the house. Every day. For three + years. I was darned and determined that I didn't want anything unless it was quiet and easy to use. It took him researching and me evaluating many different styles and we finally settled on one brand (SideStix for the record). Not cheap, but comfortable to use, durable, QUIET, and stylish to boot. 

And now they remind me of him. Why do simple sticks remind me so much of my late husband? They are just tools. Very useful and comfortable tools, mind you, but still tools. The answer: because I remember how long he researched what I needed, even when I didn't want to admit that I needed them. (It was that or a wheelchair, which I had already vetoed as much as possible because I couldn't get around the house in one)

So now I am dealing with a torrent of emotions from many different angles. And fighting a boot. And remembering just how many muscles crutches require--and how neglected my muscles have been as of late. I apparently have not forgotten how to walk with them, even after all these years. And they're not the blasted 'regular' crutches that people get here in the states, despite them being less stable and clunkier than anything else out there. I learned early on that the doc's 'suggestion' that I use and stay on crutches was well founded. I asked for more clarification while getting strapped into the device and he told me that, while I technically can walk on just the foot, it is a pointedly bad idea and would probably cause more problems to both sides of my body. Use the crutches. Keep it up. Heal better. Have to do it less in the future if it happens again. I like my doc. I can follow orders if it means that I don't have to do this again any time soon (or preferably ever!).

And I've got another week and a smidge in the boot and another two weeks using one or both crutches for another two weeks. I wonder how well Link will walk with me on crutches...he used to do it well. It will be interesting to find out! And by the end of it we both will come to an agreement. Not sure who will win out in this, but it will be attempted!

Boot. Not appreciated.

I hate going shoe shopping. Usually it involves great frustration and a large chunk of change. Not lately. I've been in a couple pairs of hiking boots and special insoles for the past...many many moons. I have been having trouble with my foot for a long time. It wasn't getting better with all the doc's suggestions. So I went back, complete with new x-rays. I have a ton of small fractures in three metatarsals. His suggestion: a boot for 14 days. I am not amused. But it does keep my foot from flexing as painfully. At least it is on my left foot so I can still drive! I asked since I had a cane if that would help with my balance on the blasted boot. Doc said yes, so one of my beloved/hated devices is getting some use. And it's only two weeks.

Just after those two weeks I have a vacation planned. A vacation where I was hoping that I could get out and go hiking, since there are lots of nearby trails, both hard and easy. I may still do one of the easy one for short hikes to get me back into moving and to get the dog tired a bit. Probably not a good idea. So it goes. I may end up eating my way through the town. Not good for my figure.

Not. Amused

On that, I have gained ten pounds over the last three months and I am not amused. I am the only one to blame, but I am getting depressed because of that and a host of other happenings. I tried to blame my feet on my weight, but the doc reminded me that I have gotten this AFTER I lost a bunch of weight. Yes, it can be made worse with extra weight, but that is not a likely cause. The RA is (and some congenital issues). The gift that keeps on giving. 

And to add to the fun, I am losing my Medicaid. This is a problem. I cannot afford my meds and specialists on other plans. The state flubbed a calculation, so there is a hope for me. I re-applied today. My current coverage ends the 31st. They said that it can take 45 days to get back to me. This is not ideal. Not ideal at all. So I have done what I can. I am in a waiting period where all I can do now is fret and stew. Same with the foot. Fret, stew, and cuss. Other things, fret, stew, cuss, and cry.

So now I am rather insane. I have done what I can to rectify situations I have control over. Other things just...suck. I'm crying again for small infractions. Including in the doc's office, which completely confused the doc and PA in the room. Wonderful PA grabbed me a tissue and assured me that it was okay. I need to remind myself that it is okay for me to deal with emotions, whatever those are. 

So now I am going to let the world go by and play some Zelda--Tears of the Kingdom on the big screen. Putting cartoon Link always makes me feel better...well...unless I am repeatedly getting slain.

When Murphey Meets Plans

Road Trip!!!! (s) Last post was in April and I had a bunch of stuff happen that just sort of absorbed several months without me noticing. The biggest things were two trips up to South Dakota.

Four years ago my grandparents were in a pretty bad wreck and my grandmother never really bounced back from it. She has been in a slow decline since then. At first she was home, but kept fading. Then into a nursing facility where all they did was ignore her, despite supposed to be providing physical therapy. Grandpa moved into an assisted living apartment in town, thanks to Dad's help. (Dad has been up there for many months helping out--he has the patience of Job.) So Mom and I decided to go up and visit them over a long weekend. I can move a day around at work and mom can take a half day to make it a five-day trip without losing too much, if any, work. 14 hours on the road each way, but we pretty much have it down to a science: She drives at midnight when she gets off of work and I drive once the sun comes up and get us the rest of the way in. On the way home I just drive the whole way in. I don't mind driving at night, but one of my meds plays havoc with my alertness if I take it. On the way home I just move it out a bit. 

Morning Somewhere in Eastern Colorado

So the first visit went well. Got to see Grandma and Grandpa. She was in pretty rough shape and could barely move to a chair. Wasn't eating. Just was fading into the ether. Grandpa, of course, was worried as well. I understand that feeling. But we had to keep the visit short since we had to turn around and get back home.

A few weeks ago we made the trip again, expecting Grandma to be in the Apartment with Grandpa since she could walk a little better and get around with help. Weeeeeell...life intervened. The day before we got there Dad had wrist surgery, so he was feeling under the weather (but his hand was better than he had before the surgery!) Two days before we were set to go up she fell and broke both her hip and wrist. So we got to meet her at the hospital after she had her surgeries instead of at the apartment. Fun fun. And we all know what I think of hospitals at this point. I no longer dread going into them, it's just not pleasant.

Mom got to be with her partner-in-crime-brother for the weekend and got some time to just catch up. It was good for them since they only ever talk to each other every year or so. Not by conscious choice, just how it is. I am the same way with my brother for no good reason. Anyway, after a weekend of Grandpa trying to pick fights, which Mom and I artfully dodged, it was time to go home. He would rather leave mad than sad, and both Mom and I know how this works with him. Hence the dodging. Uneventful drive home.

Update to the drama, Grandma had gallbladder surgery so now she can actually eat! It is amazing what nutrition can do for your body. We can tell that she is doing a lot better since now she has the strength to give the nurses hell when they want her to do something. She's in an actual rehabilitation home where she is required to get up and move and do strengthening exercises for her hip and legs. She's being dragged kicking and screaming back to life. It's up to her whether she wants to work at it or fight and fade again. She's of an age where that is her choice at this point. Grandpa wants to live to an expiry date of 97. Not quite sure why, though that may be how long his father lived. Grandma has no set expiry date.

But on that note, I think I should leave it at that and make more updates later since this is already a novella.

A Degree in Doing Nothing

 I have a week-long course in doing nothing. And yet not.

This last week I have spent at a tiny casita in the middle of nowhere (well, at least a half hour from a gas station). I had been looking forward to this for months, especially due to work stress, and it finally came to pass. 

Preparation

Several weeks ago the corner of my car got swiped by a trailer that turned to tightly. I got it into the shop a couple weeks ago and they said that it would be done by last Friday. No word on Thursday so I called in. I got a call on Friday: It wouldn't be ready until the coming Tuesday. That would have meant that I had to take the dog in his cage in the rental car and would be traversing two-lane gravel "highways" in a Corolla. I had it all loaded up, resigned to my fate (oh woe is me. I still had a rental car thanks to insurance), when I got a call from the garage: Loki, the Forester, was done! I had never unloaded a vehicle so fast as that car. I zoomed over to pick up my car and dump that evil car. I then proceeded to load my car just as fast as I had unloaded the rental. I can pack fast when I know everything is assembled!

Once I got that stress taken care of my brain was reeling from adrenaline, even into the next couple days. Because of that I actually forgot several things from my house when I loaded up the next day, despite having a list of things to pack. One of those things? My jacket. Sitting right under where my purse sat so I "wouldn't be able to forget it." Yup. Same thing with some of my food. I packed plenty, but just barely. But town's only a half hour away.

Useless Time

Upon getting to the casita, the landlady met me at my car and gave me the lay of the land. Cute little place for cheap that takes dogs and isn't in a city or large town. Heck, I think there are twenty houses in this "town" and I can walk from one end to the other in a half hour at a leisurely stroll. I like it!

I thought about my trip and my brain convinced me that I had done nothing while on vacation. Then I scolded that same brain. I had gone up to the Gila Cliff Dwellings and hiked both that (without Link due to rules) and a second trail with the dog. The next day I made my way to The City of Rocks and crisscrossed those towers.

The City of Rocks with a Pooch

The next day I just walked the length of town, followed by a long (for me) hike. That one about did us in. I knew going into it that it was going to be at the long end of our capabilities. We got about a quarter mile from the midpoint and were still gaining altitude. Link was starting to slow, but that is normal once he gets all out of piss. After water for both of us I stood up. He sat on my feet. I tried to go up the hill...and he went back down. Well then. I got the hint that this was one large "NOPE" from the dog and we were not going to continue up the hill. He happily led the way back to the car and needed a ramp to get up, but that is nothing new. But we both got in a good hike. 

The Wrap-up

So I did nothing if "nothing" means spending money or eating out. I even managed to get in some history with the Cliff Dwellings! Nothing includes YouTube, journaling, cooking, yelling at the dog (who is getting over a hotspot on his leg that he just now is out of a cone for), and overall relaxing. And I think I am relaxed now. Only took many days achieve that! Not looking forward to heading back into work, but everything has to end eventually. Now to think about what the next vacation will be... plotplotplot...

Of Writing and Walking

I have been making it a point to write my grandparents every week, specifically for Grandpa. He doesn't hear well and being on the phone is frustrating for him. But letters? Letters he can re-read, and he does. He says he doesn't mind when I skip a week, but I know from when I do talk to him on the phone that it means a lot to him. It helps us both because I don't like to talk on the phone but like writing, and he can't hear on the phone. Wins on both fronts. I usually take one of my fifteen minute breaks during the week to scribble off a letter. This week I just needed to take that time to breathe and make a mug of tea. So, instead I waited until I got home and snagged one of my many cards. I have it in the mailbox, but I am expecting it to take forever for my mailman to discover it there. That is why I usually take the mail down to the mailbox. Which I will do if it is still there by tomorrow.

In other news, I have been making progress. From where I started two and a half years ago I have come a long way. For example, when I started I was barely able to walk at a pace of 2.5 mph. I soon went up to a 2.7 mph pace. Then 3. And stalled. I found out over the last two weeks that I actually have been improving without knowing it: I can hold a pace of 3.4 for quite a while. Outside? With the dog and on uneven ground I am back down to 2.7, but that's okay. I like not falling on my face. So progress. 

But I hadn't been exercising. Two weeks ago I was stuck where I was back at the beginning of the year. Not exercising. Eating...okay. Just okay, but not horribly. A year and a smidge ago I was exercising every day. That slid down to nothing under the excuse of my damnable plantar fasciitis. A good reason. For a while. Now that I realize it is just something I have to deal with, it is time to actually deal with it--carefully of course. I'm displeased at having to put up with it, but it is a heck of a lot better than where I was back when my rheumatoid arthritis was still interfering with life. I've been lucky to be in remission from that, so the worst I normally deal with are unhappy knees and a pissed off foot. I'll take that and run (walk) with it. Next up? Finding the weights for the weight machine AND using the machine. My arms are pretty much spaghetti at this point. Or I can buy more exercise bands (so they don't break on me at the worst time), which would probably work as well. I have even managed to get down to another smaller size over the last month--comfy jeans at that! Knees are gradually becoming less vocal the smaller I get too. I'll take what I can get.

This is what I bought myself to celebrate the jeans

Finally, I now have an air fryer. It worked well as a glorified small oven for my first explorations. (Brownies went well.) But then I tried chicken wings. Oh, lordy does it work well. I have had two days in a row of chicky wings while I try to tweak the recipe. Then devour the results. Mission successful. More research needed. And now, it is time to think about dessert that complements my dinner of crispy wings.

Balancing Act and Mr. Wile

Fearless Wile E. Coyote

Congratulations! It's February, and we made it through the first month of 2023. For me it lasted about twice as long as it should have, which isn't too bad compared to previous months. 

Let me introduce you to Mr. Wile E. Coyote who visited my parents' house this last week. While he looks small, he actually is a good 50% bigger than most of the coyotes in the area. This one looks like he had been transported from the East Mountains of the city. Highly healthy and fearless. He didn't even give me or the barking Link a passing glance as he walked five feet from the glass door on his way out of the yard. So now Link isn't allowed outside for long periods of time without supervision. So far the coyote has dragged a cat (parts of one) into the yard, so we know that he kills pets happily. Link in his slow state has little chance against Mr. Wile if it came down to a scuffle. I just hope that the coyote doesn't decide to kill the resident skunk (who comes almost daily to the yard) in the yard and leave a stench for years.

I'm not sure what February holds, but my goal is to have a healthy work/life balance. Which is hard for me. I am a people pleaser. And I have been so focused on work that I have been suffering mentally outside of the office. And that's no good for me, my friends, and even the office because that could lead me to burnout. Nobody wants me to fizzle. So I'm focusing on me a little more and what I need to do to keep me healthy.

That change of mindset includes walking most days and trying, TRYING, to eat reasonably (unlike last night). And that will help my mindset a bunch. At least I hope it will.

On the note of bettering myself, I managed a bunch of tasks yesterday and Thursday night. Cleaning up, organizing, throwing things away that nobody wants, giving away things that other people might want. And today I am dead. D.E.D. Dead. I'm not sure if the energy will hit me later today, but who knows. I hope I get enough mental/physical spoons to be able to get a walk in today. I am making it a priority, depending on spoons. I borrowed from today's stash to run my hamster wheel amount of activity yesterday. So we shall see.

For those interested, the dog is doing well. Still on pain meds in the morning, but taking supplements that should be kicking in soon. He's still sore, since he really doesn't want to play, but he is getting old, and that is just slowing him down I think. We'll be starting walks as soon as his new harness comes in so I don't yank his neck around. With how he likes to tug, we are going to have some training involved in teaching him how to walk at my side. Again. Been a while and never has worked that well. We'll learn together!

Leaking at the Seams

I'm like a leaky bucket. My brains keep leaking out while stress keeps pouring in. I normally keep work out of this, but let me just say that, as a non-profit worker in administration the end of the year brings LOTS of tax work. And our main event for the year is in March, so about the time the taxes calm down, the advertising and people wrangling ramps up. 

In short: I'm so ready for the vacation I have scheduled for April.

Wrangling two customer service organizations, a handyman, and emergency computer support is slowly unraveling my brain. But it's the end of my workweek, and boy am I ready for a break. Last week? Silence and not much work. This week? Yeesh. But I do need to feel needed from day to day. And I am.

A Good Thing I noticed recently is that I can drive into tight-ish parking spots and manage to wriggle out without endangering other cars! This is an awesome development!  On that good news, despite sabotaging myself food wise and only sporadically walking, I managed to lose weight over this week. Maybe paying less attention to what I am eating can cause acceptable results. This is counter to my wiring of tracking everything during the day. Now I know I have a little wiggle room and still can have the desired results. I like that.

This is the pup pre-winter

The dog is still healing, but he wants to play tug sooo bad. That is one thing that he may no longer be able to do. I need to call the vet tomorrow and give her an update on his condition. He even isn't being overly sore when getting up from a dead sleep and he is managing stairs as well as he was pre-injury (read: gimpily because of lack of ligaments in his back legs.). Looks like he may be able to jump onto Dad's lap sometime in the near future. Dog and Dad are in a game of seeing who can block/bypass an attempted leap onto the chair. Dog still hasn't figured out that it isn't allowed because he occasionally wins the game and ends up with a lap. Variable wins equal good conditioning.

But now I think I have other things to do, much as I would rather just sit and slouch. But I'll do the necessary thing.