Yup. Avoidance. I am not looking forward to the extra emotions that are tied to Christmas and New Years Day. Christmas shopping/making/baking? Darn little. Christmas cards? Hah! I have letters that I started back in October that I just can't seem to finish, despite having time. It is a good thing that I have the bills on autopay or I probably would be spacing those as well!
There is good news though, I have found a new normal. It isn't complete by any means, but it is stable. Link gives me a mandatory reason to get out of bed each day, as well as a pretty good reason to go TO bed as well (since I will be up in the morning when he needs to go out). Since we are in dog training lessons I also have to get out and see people at least once a week who are not in my core circle of friends. I even generally have friends over to play games on Sunday too, so I have planned engagements with friends.
|The Holidays are Coming|
One thing I have noticed since his death is hat I have no more problems eating... the opposite is true in that I just don't stop. Sure, I can blame it on prednisone, which does increase my appetite and keep me from feeling full. I could blame it on unhappy innards that just don't want to work right. But when it comes right down to it, I am the one who puts fork to mouth. I tend to eat when I am feeling under the weather or stressed, so combine those two and you have a recipe for thirty extra pounds from my lowest weight despite a fair amount more exercise.
|This is Not Optional, so Get Ready|
Well...mostly. I did put up my little tree and three nativity sets last Friday, but those don't involve anyone but me and the dog. He tried to put away the packing paper... in his stomach. What a helper! I love my family--both sides, adopted and blood relatives--and they have all been a blessing for me time and time again. I just ... it's not the same and it is not going to be. This is all about finding a new normal. The two year old in me is screaming, "I dun wanna!" at the top of its thoughts, while the rational adult in me firmly chides, "Tough."
Luckily for me I have an out:
Thanks to this article over at Huffington Post I have full permission to take care of me this season. Why permission? Because my mother sent me the article; therefore, I have a get-out-of-forced-family-fun-free card. I am allowed to have plans--or not--as I choose, and that choice may change in an instant. It's okay. I am allowed.
|Eventually I'll Get Past This Too|
Then that just can become a new memory to add to the new normal. Besides, without new experiences you never get to try new things...
|Like Link in Snow!|