What I Would Give For...

 ..Some self-control.

My Ideal of Dinner

The past two weeks have been full of eating every food in sight and lacking in the burning of those calories. Instead of the steadfast dedication to exercise and mindful eating I have been munching and getting most of my calories for the day after 7 pm. I haven't been exercising at my parents' house since the treadmill belt burst, leaving me with the option of walking outside--something that I can easily talk myself out of with the weather turning cold and windy.

I have a new treadmill at my house, so I don't have that excuse. (Though that only has me covered for 3-4 nights a week.)  It has far more bells and whistles than I need, but it is pretty cool. I can't take it back since it weighs 300 lbs and we barely got it to the house and set up. It is awesome though. If I get a new one for the parental units' house it will be about half the cost and, hopefully, a heck of a lot lighter since we have to get it up a flight of stairs and in and out of the truck. Choices choices.

So I am back up to 200 pounds and up from the low of 194 that I was at a few weeks ago. I will get back down there. I WILL get over this roadblock. And get back on the dang exercise wagon. 

Self-control. Something I will find again.

 

Holidays and Long-Term Trauma

Holiday with the Family

It was 2012, Christmastime. Jason and I had just made the hardest decision of our lives: deciding to stop his treatment and begin hospice care. Knowing that it was his last holiday season we decided to see as much family as we could. We flew to out to see both my parents and my brother's family just before Christmas and had a nice visit (though I was sick as a dog when we were there). After that we made a quick hop over to the Mid-West for a visit of all of Jason's family who had assembled for the occasion. It was a homecoming of sorts, as I had first met all of my in-laws at a gathering in this same place in 2005. 

The hardest part of the visits was knowing that this was really a goodbye for Jason. There were no words to be said since nobody knew what to say in this instance other than, "I love you." And that was enough. To be there was the greatest gift, almost five years from his diagnosis, eight from when I had met all of his nice people who I call family. 

It was the time of me realizing how lucky were to have five years together, instead of 11 months. In that time he participated in 4 clinical trials (1 more that he tried but didn't qualify for) that helped the life expectancy of the disease go from that 11 months up to 15 months. It may not sound like much, but I like to think that his generosity (and let's face it, desperation) helped that to happen. Of course, he may have just been an outlier that messed up the curve!

So now when certain times of year crop up, like Christmas, I tend to have bouts of the black clouds in my mind. Some more than others, but this year hit stronger than 2020. Maybe I just had other things to focus on--thank you very much, COVID-19, for providing me a distraction. Or something. That five years was hard. Really hard. But it was worth it. Unfortunately, I was left with a few hiccups from the process. Eh, few, lots, same difference. Now they are cropping up when least (or most) expected.

And now I will focus on remembering the good times, like that Christmas as it really was a good holiday, despite the circumstances. When that doesn't work, I will cry, scream, or zone out at nothing at all until the feelings pass. Ya do what ya gotta do. 

To Grandmother's House We Go!

And it Was...Interesting

Dad and I decided last-minute to take a trip up to my grandparents' for Christmas, dog in tow. Spur-of-the-moment road trips are nothing new for us. Work was very accommodating switching around days off and such so we could have a longer weekend. That meant two days of 7 hours' driving instead of one marathon 14 hour hell (that we have done many times before). Buffeting wind the whole way up and back down, but no weather outside that to speak of.

Getting there was uneventful and my grandmother was in tears at seeing us. Even my grandfather, normally the stoic one, was visibly happy to see us there. Neither of them are doing well, health wise, and this was a pick-me-up that they really needed.

But.

I am a wee bit left of them on the political spectrum. Where "wee" is actually "well on the other side of the mountain" left of them. They know I hate tv news, and Grandpa pretty much followed my request of no cable news. Grandma did not and kept trying to back me into corners that would only sour the occasion. I dodged most of it, only skirting some dangerous territory by a well-placed silence. One roadblock: down.

Bigger roadblock: my grandparents had never been anything but respectful to each other (with the occasional outliers of course) in years past. Boy has that changed, on both sides of the relationship. I think pain, fear, resentment, and frustration are all wearing on them and they are taking it out on each other. Not just disrespectful--spiteful. They were called on it (gently) and it seemed to work for a while. It just kept creeping in.

I think Thursday afternoon till early Sunday morning was a little more than enough for me, but much appreciated--and needed--by them. And I will enjoy being with them as long as I can, even if they drive me crazy in the process. Now it's time to get back on the healthy eating road (versus the train wreck that was last weekend) and focus on riding that instead of eating out of frustration.

Final Diagnosis: Stone Hoarding Collector

While I like pretty rocks, I do not support the hoarding of them in any of my organs. It's official: my gallbladder has been collecting shiny stones without permission for some time. As such, it is time for surgery. I get to talk to a surgeon...eventually. Then I get to take out the offender...farther out from there. I cannot wait to get this darn thing out of me!

The last surgery I had was a life-saver, while this one, which is not particularly life-threatening, is a definitely a quality-of-life one. All signs point to laparoscopy, so recovery should be quick and easy. I have the time off from work and (probably) have someone to cover for me whenever that happens, short or long term. God, I love my job! Hopefully it is in a short enough time that my helper is still here, otherwise there will be a week of un-entered donations. Here's hoping--especially since that would mean four months out. Likely, but not ideal.

So there you have it: problem identified, eventually to be solved. Hoping for sooner rather than later. Anybody else out there with the same problem? I'm looking to see what I am in for.

It's Cold. Moreso for Others.

No Room at the Inn

What about those that don't have any way to stay warm, or have a safe place to actually enjoy the season? I work to help some of these men, but it still makes me uncomfortable knowing that I have so much more than they do. But helping is what I work to do. It keeps me appreciative of my state in life.

Unlike most places in the US, things just turned cold here. 17 degrees overnight means that I have to open the living quarters of the house up to the back workshop and such. I don't want frozen pipes, and this is the easiest way to ensure that is less likely. No snow to speak of, of course, but the cold has indeed settled in for the short term.

But for me, that all that makes the rest of the house rather colder than I usually keep it. That means the crocheted glovelettes for my hands, cozy slippers for my toes, a family-made blanket for my lap, and holiday decorations to light up the room. I put up the decorations last weekend and just today dug out the warm gear. I know that I have more than others. But we all do what we can to take advantage of what we are given. 

Having said that, as someone who works at a homeless shelter, Yes, we appreciate all your gifts (especially underwear!) but what we really need are funds to keep the lights on and people fed. But truly, think of those with less. Food for pantries or soup kitchens, clothing for charity (please not places that charge for their goods), and toiletries for shelters. All of this helps.

!@#$%^& Bodies!

Doctors listen, but apparently ER docs don't always agree. The past months have been full of a FUn medical mystery. The specialist seems to think that it is 95% chance of one thing, but after going to the emergency room for it this last week out of desperation, the others tell me that nothing is wrong with me, despite obvious pain when prodded and apparently lying blood work. Granted, the two imaging tests they ran didn't show anything of import, but they didn't do the test that makes the most sense. There from 11pm till 4pm. At least the problem did eventually resolve itself. 

But I'm understandably confused. I won't know till next Tuesday which people are right via medical test that the ER didn't run. Till then: low fat, light meals, preferably not near bedtime. Which is the opposite of my nightly regimen of treats after dinner. At least with watching what I eat in general I know how to estimate where foods lie on my scale of "good to go" and "Aw !@#$ it, I can deal with the pain"...which I inevitably regret for hours. You would think I'd learn my lesson by now, but it just... *sigh* I'm done. I'm so ready to be over this. And I now know that going to the ER for this is out since they only do what I do at home, but via IV instead of pills/baths. Bah!

At least the treadmill at my house has been replaced (with a shiny new one!) just in time for the belt to rip on the old one at my parents' house. Trying to cannibalize the belt and roller from the broken one to see if it will fit the old beltless one. I haven't managed to pull myself outside since it broke. The one at my house should see lots of use this weekend--assuming I get useful sleep, unlike the past three days.

Random Skills--Tasty Skills

Fruits of Labor 

Jill of all trades? That might just be me, and boy has it been a good thing over the years! When my husband was still alive we had a saying that what he didn't know, I probably had at least a grasp on how to fix it and vice versa.

I have so many other random skills that crop up as useful from time to time. Others just are niche followings (like making mail armor). The leatherworking occasionally becomes necessary. Computers? I thrive on electronics in general. Survival skills? Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. More things just pop up when needed.

Recently the target of my labor was attacking the plethora of pears from my mother's tree. Cranberries and pears as shown in the photo, and plain pears for the latest batches. Mom and I have a deal: she preps the fruit and I do the (easy) job of actually canning them. So far I have only had one jar out of at least three batches of 11, which is a pretty good record.

And then there are times when it is just time to throw up my hands and call in a professional. This is a strong skill to master. Know when to quit.

Guided by Graffiti

Follow the Wisdom

On a walk in town I came upon these words of wisdom. Difficult follow when all I want to do is complain. But it's okay, I can still moan and groan while still being thankful for what I have, and that truly is the definition of happy: thankfulness. Both for the pleasant and not-so-pleasant times. I'm not saying that I'm good at it, only that it is my ideal.

Having said that, I am finding it difficult to be truly happy right now. The uncertainty of life is wearing on me. Thanks to two medical issues, I am a little on the twitchy side of things. COVID-19 is...well...COVID-19. Knowing that there is yet another variant on the way means that I once again need to rethink my healthy habits that I have let slip after my third vaccine shot. Mentally it is all wearing on me. But it could be so much worse. So very much worse. And for that, I am happy. I have my needs met. I have a job I love. I have family that loves me (including the dog, even if I want to strangle them sometimes). And I have friends that put up with my hermit ways. So yeah, even with the flaws in life, I am pretty darn happy.

So follow the words on the wall and take a small bit of time to be thankful.

 

All Good Memories

One of the Good Memories

I have had a busy day, but memories keep surfacing of Jason's journey with cancer. Like the sound of a Bearhawk overhead taking me back to when Jason and I flew in various personal planes out to San Francisco. The smell and taste of English breakfast tea and milk, just like at that San Francisco bed and breakfast we spent so much time at. The fleeting memories of foods cooked at the annual Not-Yet-Dead parties (that bacon-wrapped sausage loaf from the first party came to mind). Using the paddle shifters in my car and remembering when we first brough Li'l Blue, the new car, down from Seattle in a road trip.

All good memories. 

It's nice to be able to think back and not have instant thoughts of what was bad about our journey together. Oh, don't get me wrong, the bad is right there behind the good. But that's just it. It is Behind the good, not up front. And there was so much good to dwell on, whether it be before we knew about the cancer or even in his last days and all the sorrow that came with it. I can now sift through the floating memories and pull bits and pieces out--but only with the help of sights, sounds, tastes, and smells. At least I can get to some of the memories, no matter how deep they may be.

Of Sunsets and Poundage

I snagged this photo out on the mesa, but I was just about five minutes too late for the real light show. I'm still glad that I pulled over and snagged the shot before continuing on my way. It is little things like stopping to photograph the sunset that mean a lot to me.

As of the last post I was 201ish pounds. But that has changed. I am officially in the 100s! 198 lbs to be exact. It feels strange to type it starting with a 1 after so long at 2s. It is just a number, but it means a great deal to me since I know that I am making progress. Also I am starting to fit into other clothes that have been languishing in my closet (well...really either on the floor or stuffed into the closet). It only took me three weeks, but I made it and then some, with some up and down to get to where I am. Keeping up on the food and exercise without overdoing it seems to be working for the moment.

On that note, I have kept up my exercising for the most part, with another trip out to the volcanos on Monday. I do love me my hikes! I was out of commission for the past two days thanks to another attack of some type in my innards. I see the doc next Wednesday, which is ridiculously quick to see a specialist--go go gadget wait list! It will be interesting to see if anything comes of it. Luckily my boss is allowing me to use the work computer to do the virtual appointment, since it will only take 20 minutes or so. Nice boss. Awesome boss in fact.

So now I am taking my belated lunch and break to scribble this down and to map out my grocery list for tonight. Time to get on that sale flier. 

Memories Lost

Easter, 2008 With My Man

I seem to be missing most of my memories from 2007/8 through 2018. There's a few lingering wisps of memories floating in my mind, and if someone brings them up I can sometimes locate the memories, but I can't bring them up on my own. They sort of swirl together with a few standouts as the exception. Granted, 2008 through 2013 was helping my husband, and 2013 through 2018 was dealing with serious cases of attack of the brainz, but I would like to be able to know what happened in my life! So I have been trying to nail down memories and, the much harder part, logging them with where they fall in time. Photos are helpful, but there just aren't that many during the early to middle part of that time. I can reference them easier in later years, but that is mostly a bunch of photos of Link, so that isn't much help.

In frustrating news:

One.

Pound.

That's all that separates me from the magical number of 200 pounds. *Breathe in* It's just a number. *Breathe out* It's just a number. A number of significance to me, apparently. I've been hovering at 201ish for the last week and a half and it is bugging the hell out of me! I've been exercising every day since the end of August and at least moderately watching the calories that go into my mouth. I even upped the intensity of the exercise! Maybe that's it. I may be gaining some muscle, so the scale isn't changing. Grr. 

I have been scouting around for new places to explore and have a few ideas for the coming weekends, all within 30 minutes from the house. Not much shade to be found on these adventures, but one of them has a chance to explore for fossils while hopping around on mostly-unmaintained gravel roads with Loki (the SUV). I am looking forward to that one! The other has a chance to see lots of birds and some shade on a longer hike. Plot plot plot...

On one last note: I'm all triple vaccinated (well, four if you count the flu shot)! Good to go for work and self/family protection. If you haven't gotten your jab, please do. Even if it isn't a 100% effective vaccine, it is a hell of a lot better than no protection at all for yourself and others around you.

Emerging from the Fire--A Little Lost

 

Life Thriving on the Destruction

Yup, that's a lava flow with a healthy population of plants that have taken root and made a place for themselves. I've had that destruction, that complete wiping away of what was. Yet, I am finding that year by year I am finding more of myself--more life, more of me, not just what had happened in the past. And it feels good. Confusing, not having a concrete goal in life and rather a nebulous 'do good work' type of thing. Not having an end point feels strange. When helping Jason along there were several end points that eventually all played out with his death. And with the Rheumatoid Arthritis the goal was always to get the stress low enough to find remission. That too happened. So I was left sort of drifting for many years. Volunteering helped, as did a few vacations to push me to move. With a job that I love and feel needed in, and more importantly that I am doing something good for other people, I am finding new purpose. New life. No. More life. 

I'm taking care of myself, exploring when I can, and in a brain space where I am *gasp* semi-to-mostly stable. And COVID-19 be damned, but I am living life. (I even have colored masks to run my errands--something else to make me happy.) I suppose that my hermit tendencies have served me well during lockdown on down to now. I am having to poke out of my hermitting to go see people again since there is no real reason not to anymore. Small steps.

So yeah, I'm emerging from the reset of the lava flow of life and taking hold where I can to bring about a new me. A better (?) me. Different. Yes. A different me.

Of Quiche and Adventures

Quiche! A birthday food if I ever did see one. That and posole were the perfect lunch for my birthday. I did take that day to eat everything in sight, even if it was not the healthiest of choices. Meh. It was worth it.

I took another long hike on Thursday and had a great time getting lost on the trail due to people having broken trails for shortcuts. I eventually made my way back to the car after about 4.5 miles and almost running out of water. Not the most ideal of situations, but I didn't run out until I tried to take a drink once in the car. None to smart on my part. But it was worth it. Next time I will remember to fill the Camelbak all the way before leaving for a longer hike!

See that tower up there? Yeah. I climbed it.

I also went exploring up to the top of the mountain yesterday, by car of course. At the very end of the line was a strange rocky outcrop with a tower atop it. There were some serious and uneven stairs, which might be why my knees are quite as vocal as they were today. Worth it. 

Dog approves of the View

So today I had about a two mile hike, cut short due to complaining lower half. But I went out. Tomorrow? Back to the treadmill or flat ground again. *sigh* So it goes.

And now it is time to find lunch, chill, and YouTube my way through the rest of the day. Not a darn thing wrong with that. Maybe even open up the manuscript and get some editing on it that I haven't even touched since I got here. Meh, I see no problem with that.

Trails and Tails

 

My Buddy Taking a Break

I'm out and about again, this time to a new set of mountains. Link is with me, spending his time mostly asleep in his couch when he isn't out with me on hikes. It's a tough life, being my dog. He started out the trip with a Cone-of-Shame since he had licked a hole in his tail last week. After a visit to the vet he is now on antibiotics, pain killers, and lotion. At least now it has healed enough for him to be without the cone!

 

Four hikes so far, with three around two miles long and the fourth, and most difficult one, ringing in at just short of  four and a half miles long. Up and down hills even! I got very lucky in that I just ran out of water as I was sitting in my car ready to head for home. Next time I will plan accordingly and really fill up the Camelbak! I probably overdid myself by the end of the hike, but I was handling the trail well, as was Link. He even go to play in the creek. (He also had a larger creek to play in yesterday as well on a shorter hike.) I managed the hike with hefty elevation change that was longer than twice my previous walking or hiking mileage, and yet I seem to be doing pretty well so far. Awesome boots meant no blisters or hot spots too. Going to continue my hiking through Saturday, probably another run of today's hike once I am rested up from this one--probably on Thursday if things pan out.

I've been eating pretty well, even managing to not eat out so far this trip. I do plan on Friday to be my eating out day, with a lunch tomorrow after my morning hike. There is a consistently packed restaurant just down the road that is just asking to be tried out. 

The cabin has a family of skunks that live on the property, much to the displeasure of the owner and occasionally me. Mostly only whiffs of eau de skunk, but I am careful to take Link out on a leash and make myself known when we circle around to the back of the house. Also interesting is that the well is heavily laced with sulfur in the hot water. It isn't ideal, but the location is great and it is comfortable. Probably won't be staying here again, but it will do. Next time I will dig around on the internet for similar things out here not on AirBnB. Live, travel, learn.

And now it is time to get ready for bed and take care of the pooch.

 

Milestones!

It's almost time for another reprieve from reality. But so far reality hasn't been too bad in general.

On the health front: I have been using the FitBit app to track my exercise and food intake. Well, the food seems to be spot on, but the exercise tally almost doubles the calories expended rather than reality. As such, I am altering how I am working on it. That also means that for the past monthish I have been taking in far more calories than I need. Not horrible, as I am still a good two to three pounds lower than when I got back from Indiana, but still not ideal.

As for that over-tallied exercise, I have managed 30 minutes of brisk walking every day since the 27th of August. That makes it a habit at this point! I just have to remember not to eat back all that I expend--the evenings are my downfall, but I have taken to walking more then instead of in the morning (unless I am hiking and avoiding heat/rain). Also got a tv for above the treadmill for excuse-free walking. And it died within the first day. So I'm taking it back and will get a new one once I get back from my trip. It really helps to have something to distract me from plodding along!

And I am killing the treadmill at my parents' house. After 23 years of mostly disuse, it is finally showing its age by falling apart. I am now saving up my pennies for a good mid-level machine to take my abuse. It is looking a lot like how much I spent for my little vacation! Luckily the current one still works for the most part so I will run it till it dies/gets unsafe.

It's that time again, a vacation--the last one of the year. I'm looking forward to being up in mountains and trees again. Trying a different place this time and I may have goofed on my choice. As it turns out it is located in a little community of rental homes instead of out on its own like my previous two places. Also no dog run, though that will be fine eventually once dog realizes that he has to do his duty on a leash. Eventually being the main word there.

Speaking of the dog, he's an unhappy pooch. He tried to eat a hole in his tail last week and I have been treating it at home...not particularly well since I used the wrong bandage. Called in to the doc and he says to bring him in tomorrow for a test and looksee at it. Poor pooch is none-too-pleased to once again be back in the cone-of-shame. Also found out that about 2 miles is the max Link's joints can really tolerate. Went for a walk out by the volcanoes by Mom and Dad's place and it was even mostly level. So over the next week I will have to really watch how far we go, especially if there are hills.

I know that I am going to come back to a sizeable amount of work given that it is in the first week of the month, but that's okay. It will keep me busy for a couple days. I will be on-call for computer/connectivity issues while I am out there (on-email? cell doesn't work well), so that should be interesting. No calls last month, so I am expecting something to break this round. 

And now all I can think about is food. Joy. It's going to be a long last-day-before-vacation.

Always Has to Be Something!

Never Can Run Completely Smoothly

I do believe that the trip was a success, with only one hiccup. It was good to see the family and watch a few games with the kids (and my big brother's softball game as well). Just catching up was nice and it was a relaxing trip. I managed to walk (and even jog for short spurts) every day and was fairly mindful of what I was eating. Enough so that I actually lost a little weight while I was out there! 

Now for the hiccup:
The flight home.

I was supposed to fly from California to New Mexico on my way back home. The weather was a mess in Phoenix--my layover--because we had to circle Las Vegas for a good hour before landing to refuel. We were on the ground for three and a half hours. During that time there was a lady who decided to cuss out and threaten to hit one of the stewardesses. Needless to say, that woman was escorted off the plane and probably barred from traveling on Southwest for the foreseeable future. The captain came over the speakers explaining that someone had acted like a child and we should all just take a chill pill and sit nicely like the adults we are. Only a couple kids on the flight and they had no problems out-performing the ejected woman. Had to overnight in Phoenix since there were no more flights home Saturday night and most of the hotels booked up because of other people in the same boat. Finally made it home safe on Sunday evening, but boy was it an ordeal.

So that was fun.

Now that I am home I have been slogging through the work carried over from last week and decided to finally take my lunch break. Whoops, rather late, but better than never. 

Next up: Next week Friday--away I go again, but this time no airplanes, thank goodness. Up to the mountains where there are actual trees. No really, TREES!

Got Downtime?

    

 Walking and *gasp* Jogging!

I am putting the time I have on vacation toward making myself healthier. I have made it a point to get in exercise, especially in the morning since it is much cooler. Swimming one morning with granny-aerobics, the rest with walks and...gasp!...Jogging! I have been trying short bursts of jogging for a while but always end up with the dreaded shinsplints. Today I fought back. Jog till it really hurts. Walk till I can't feel it anymore. Rinse. Repeat. By the time I was done and 2.4 miles later I was able to jog till my endurance ran out instead of till I couldn't stand the pain. Success! (Mind you, that jogging was still only for short stints, but it was better than nothing.)

So I have that as a plus. In other times when I am not catching up on sleep I have been poking the second book with a digital red pen. I made it another round before leaving home, but I want to keep working on it since I have already found issues with the last run-through. If I have learned something from the last book it is that it will never be enough and I will have to shell out money for another round with someone who does this for a living. Lessons learned. But it won't stop me from wanting it as good as I can make it! This run's biggest focus: Time and Space. How long does it take to get from point A to point C and what season does that make it. Continuity--very useful.

By the by, traveling on 9/11 was a breeze. Very few people in the home airport and not insane people in Phoenix for the plane change. Uneventful is just how I like it. But now I think that it is time to down some meds and take a nap. Naps are good. Especially on vacations.

Here's to Habits!

At least healthy ones.

I have been exercising daily since the 1st, with all but one day over 30 minutes. I know that this doesn't sound like much for most people, but it is a far leap for me from being on the couch or driver's seat for all hours.

One problem: Vacation.

I am hoping that either I am active enough to negate the problem or that I can sneak away and manage something on my own. With two active kids I think something will happen most days--I just hope I can keep up with them while somewhat ignoring the couch! 

Other potential stumbling block: food. I know that it is hard for me to turn down foods like rice/desserts and I know that it will be a struggle for me. Hoping that my willpower holds out. And if not, see problem above that may take care of it. Laps around the baseball field perhaps. It can keep my rear from getting sore on bleachers. 

Onward to more pleasant things! One more workday till I am outta here...well...plus a day. Yesterday was full of beating computers into submission and today so far has been paperwork and server issues. Probably cooling down to basics now that everything is caught up from yesterday. Here's to a calm Thursday.

Milestones! Death to Weeds!

The Beginning

Today I did something that I had never done in my life: Mow the yard. In all my decades I had never pulled a cord to get that power running. For most of my non-childhood years I never had anything approaching a yard. Gravel and desert scrub was as close as I got. Well, that changed. Now, instead of needing a brush-hog twice a year, my dad bought a real mower for the house. He has been running most of the yard maintenance, so I never learned the ins and outs of the machine. But Dad's out of town. And it's monsoon season.

It was my turn. Now, I know how to run most hand tools just fine, but gas and oil powered things? Not so much. 

After a few false starts, like any gas powered tool, I got it done. It ain't great or something that I could charge money for, but I managed! Some of those weeds were taller than the dog!

The Final Product

So it's done. One-to-two-foot-tall weeds taken down to a reasonable height. All because I learned how to use a pull-cord!

 

Worried With Cause

 

To the Skies--Eventually

I have a week and a smidge before I head off for another trip. Only problem that's on my mind: it's on the 20th anniversary of 9/11. I am leaving plenty of time for extra security measures and planning on everything to be late. I'm not superstitious, but I am aware that the danger of flying goes from microscopic to slightly more than that. I remember to the road corner I was when the first flight hit. The very step I was on when I heard about the second. But that was 20 years ago. I suppose that is the same reaction that people had when Kennedy was killed. Just a different generation. And more changes to life in general than the president's passing. But I do know this: I'm not letting that stop me from traveling.

On the other side of things, COVID-19 is making me nervous. I have had several families I know that have come down with it, vaccinated all. I'm just going to have to be incredibly careful on my travels, especially in the airport. The planes have good air circulation, but the airports are less so. Lots of hand washing and mask-wearing. I'm not sure what California's regulations will be for weekend after next, but I may just wear the mask to be careful anyway. I know that I wear one here for all trips, so I see no reason to not follow those recommendations while traveling.

So those are my two concerns for today. Worried? Maybe. But with cause.

Restarting the Trail

Bumpy Path, but a Path Nonetheless

I'm starting again after a lull in my determination to get healthy. I have stagnated for so long and want to see the other side of 200 pounds before the end of the year. Since SparkPeople closed down mid-month I have not been very religious about tracking my food. I know that I really overeat if I don't have at least a ballpark of where I need to be. Without the SP page I have defaulted to the FitBit tracker to go along with the tracker on my wrist. It is far from perfect, but it is rather helpful and only one app on my poor struggling phone.

For the past three days I have managed a walk of at least a mile, which is very good compared with the complete couch potato I have been over the past month. I am so close. I only ended up gaining four pounds instead of the projected 5. Small progress. With the tracking back in place I think I will be better off than just winging it, even if the amounts are off. I can see where and when my calories are being eaten and act accordingly. I have this tendency to forget when I have eaten and just how much that is. Time to restart weighing things again as well to just make sure that I am within my ranges and to get the feel for serving sizes. That training tends to fall apart after a few months. Time to retrain.

On the COVID-19 front, New Mexico is back to a flat indoor mask mandate, which is fine with me. It is especially important at work where we have a vulnerable population. Several of my friends and family are coming down sick with the virus, usually from a child too young to vaccinate. Hang around a petri dish of a kid and you are bound to eventually fall ill...though that's nothing new! Am I afraid of getting sick? Nope. Am I afraid for those who cannot get the vaccine or are at higher risk of infection? Hell yes! So I'll gladly wear the mask. I'm traveling soon and need to be careful not to snag any germs along my way. Air travel doesn't really bother me because of the air exchange, but the actual airports make me leery. However, I am unlikely to have issues.

I gave platelets yesterday and they were in desperate need of blood products of all types. With the hurricane shutting down collection and more injuries there needing blood, the national supply is really low. Plugplug: Go give if you can! I have a random bruise from it that just traveled from the poke to the bottom of my arm. No pain, just bright blue bruising. I'll take that to help others. Also managed to drive home to check my mail and snag coolers for my mom to thaw her freezer. But now I'm tired. It's a good thing that it is really slow at work. Which I should get back to shortly. Still have five minutes in my break.

I'm ravenously hungry. The lunch that was supposed to last me through till tomorrow will probably all be lunch today if my mouth has any say in it. But that is all part of flexing through the day. I will need to watch my snacks this afternoon to leave enough room for a heavy dinner. And now time to get back to work.

Any suggestions for staying on track when traveling?

Off the Wagon Again

The past two weeks have been a free-for-all on foods. Yes, there was a vacation in there, but that doesn't excuse the eating until overfull and then some. Mostly no exercise too. I have put on 5 pounds since SparkPeople closed. I haven't been tracking my food for the first time in over a year and it shows with how many times I have forgotten what I ate. Hard to gage how much food I need without tracking when I don't feel full until I am overfull. Not due to no options for logging food--there are plenty of trackers. Just more due to giving up for some reason. It is easier to choose inaction than to try something new. Knowing that, I am not too sure how I am going to keep up with active family next month. 

And holy hell, the vacation is only two weeks away! I will need to await new swimsuits to see what fits. I don't think the extra pounds will go well with the current top I have and the bottoms I just got will most likely still be too small. But a little more money dropped later and I will have something to wear while trying to not get sunburned. The old suit is disintegrating and just is not going to cut it. Some sewing of the old suit might help if need be. Also might want to search for some of my goggles too.

With more and more of my vaccinated friends falling to COVID I am once again having second thoughts about travel. But my likelihood of getting severely sick are slim. I just need to not be a carrier for getting other people sick. I'm wearing my mask at work when other people are in the building, unlike right now. Better to be cautious, especially just after travel! (And I think that there is a mask mandate again in the state, so I need to wear it anyway.)

As a side note, I appear to have left my little baggie of travel goops up north. Sad because those were my specialty containers for camping. Oh well, I can use the backups and try to send out feelers for where I might have left them around the room there. You always have to lose at least one thing per trip. All things considered, that was a minor loss.

I suppose that my lunch break is about to be up so I should end this thing. But there are so many new ramblings I could go about rambling on!

Wishful Thinking

Back to the Grind (For Now!)

The view from my home base

I spent the last week-and-a-bit out in Indiana with all sorts of family having a great time. I'm sad to be back at the grind of work and regular life, even though I know that my next trip is only a few weeks away! 

I got to stay at the lake and searching for bass and sun in between seeing everyone. Absolutely what I needed. I do have to say that air travel still sucks, but much less than my last few flights. Breezed through both sets of security and even had a couple flights in larger Southwest flights where there was a ton of legroom! Legroom? In a cheap plane? Hell yeah!

I did do a few things for work while I was gone, but for the most part I was just happy to exist away from normality. While I am not usually a fan of small children, the ones during the trip were pretty cute. I still stand by my no-babies-for-me stance. I did get some good photos of grand/great-grand parents with them though.

So now I have mostly caught up with work and finally taking my breaks. The rest of the job will have to wait until tomorrow when I can attack the computers/printer with a threat of baseball bat. Sometimes the threat is enough to scare them into working. 

New Mexico is back under a mask mandate, which doesn't bother me one bit. I even managed to alter my masks to make them fit better without having to readjust every three seconds. Go go gadget stapler! I was planning on wearing mine at work for a while just because of the travel bugs, but now I think I will be keeping up with it. No sense in endangering those around me who are not able to be vaccinated/aren't yet. 

And now one more photo for good measure:

The Velcro Dog Once I Got Home

Leavin' On a ...

 Jet Plane.

I'm sitting in the airport terminal wasting some time before getting on leg one of the three-leg trip. Luckily (?) I don't have to change planes in Florida from the Denver flight to Indianapolis. Means I won't be really stretching my legs either. That will have to happen in Denver or here, and I already traipsed around the terminals to get me good and going this morning. Not nearly enough, but it should be better than a day at my house on the couch!

I checked one bag, which was a good idea since my backpack is rather heavy with all the electronics and food in it and chances are that I would get off the plane without the second one out of sheer exhaustion. I know me too well.

I remember one time here where I used the wi-fi to play WoW. Must have been a trip out to San Francisco for Jason. Good times. Sad times. All of the above.

Had mom drive Loki here so she was ready to go to pick me up in a week and change. Basic care and feeding of the car as an overview and introduction all in ten minutes. No cruise control included. But she got the hang of Loki's basics and how to turn off the autostop button. Feels too much like an engine shuddering and stalling for her likes. I tend to agree with her in a lot of +90 degree cases. Got me dropped off at just before 8:30 and I dropped off the bag. Breezed through a streamlined version of security in a record 10 minutes start to finish. No need to remove items from the bag and I even was able to wear my FitBit through the scanner! Long way we've come since being able to meet your family at the gate! Thank you very much 9/11. I was a Junior in high school. So much has changed for the illusion of safety.

There are not a lot of seats available in the terminal now that people are supposed to socially distance. Being here early has its advantages. Probably not going to be so luck in Denver, but one can hope. I have about an hour here before I board and all of the ideal seats are taken. No singles available for people like me traveling without accompaniment. So there's room for my purse and bottles.

Now is a good time to charge my headphones that very well could save my rear in the airplane if there are any obnoxious kids or snorting adults. Only about half full right now, so that will get me through one flight, but not three, with one of them a 3 hour leg. I can sleep maybe? Getting in at 9:30 means that I am really getting in at 8:30, but I will still be dead tired I am guessing.

And I'm rambling. Here. Have a photo of my desk buddy. Alas, the little succulent has since died from too much water.

 

 

Gettin' Ready for a Trip!

I'm headed out for a vacation on Friday, with Dad holding down the fort with the dog. I spent a few minutes of lunch planning out my food for the day since I will be at airports from 8am till 9pm (Indiana time) and don't really want to pay for airport food. I will have to see how much I can beg hot water/cold water from the coffee shops, but I most certainly will be trying since I am guessing that the water fountains will be turned off. Planning for the worst and expecting somewhere between there and best. With COVID-19 I am mostly out of luck for drinks and snacks on the plane, so I need to plan accordingly.

I am upset that SparkPeople is going away on the 14th. It has been there for me for over a decade and I am going to miss the interaction with people on the forums. May have to see if we can get the group on FB more user-friendly instead of evil recipes something more waistline friendly. I may see about talking to the leader about steering it toward that end. I'm not seeing what I need on the new Spark360, so I will just have to use one of the other trackers since it keeps me honest during the day and sometimes even plan out what I will be eating.

All I've wanted to do today is eat. But in a good thing I have managed to rein in my munchies with the power of a super protein lunch and a smidge of milk. I even started eating some graham bunnies and stopped mid-baggie! Tea is wonders. Three cups today plus the big nalgene, so I have had plenty of water for the day--only two tea mugs! I'm not really sure how the trips are going to go, but I will probably estimate mentally how much I have eaten and hope for the best depending on what it is. I do have the other two apps on my phone, so I can chart it on there if I so choose. I just have to get the hang of it before this all disappears. May I should enter in my Friday for reference. Yeah. I can do that next break.

Till then, computer damage control.

Killin' It!

Killin' my teakettle that is. It's dead. I am making a required stop at Target to make sure not a day goes by that I am without fresh tea at work. And to pick up a few things while I am there.

Killin' puncturevine. Last weekend I weeded. And weeded. And I still see lots of goatheads every time I look! I will not give up though. I will get most of them before they go to seed so I at least will have less of them two years from now, if not next year since they are a two year cycle. Damn weeds.

Killin' a pair of good leather gloves thanks to the weeding. 

Killin' my set of pissed off joints. When I weed I sort of squat and lean an arm on one leg while the other one pulls out the suckers. Which means that I get quite the workout for my legs and hands. It feels like a flare, but I am hoping that it is just a transient case of overdoing myself. My fingers are mostly cooperating now, so my guess is that my legs, especially knees, are just being vocal from overuse.

Killin' the weight loss--the wrong way. I managed to gain weight over the past week and such just from not caring at all and being sick weekend before last. Or so I can blame it on. Not too much, like I had figured earlier, but I still gained two pounds in a week. I want to do that in the opposite direction! I'm not going to make my 200 by next week, but so it goes. It's just a number. But it still scares me that soon I can start writing my weight with a 1. No idea why the trepidation, but it's there. I'll get over it eventually.

Of Meds and Travel

Here's a good thing (at least a thing): I'm coming off of one of my meds--the one that controls my RA, or at least has over the past eight years. It also happens to be over $4000 dollars, something that I can't afford if I am on my own insurance. But just maybe, maybe, I can become more independent, ask for a raise and be able to actually survive and thrive without Medicaid. I know I could get a raise, it is just a matter of how much I would have to make to break even and make more through that raise. There is no reason to get a raise when I won't be able to afford my medical care despite the extra income.

But that dilemma will have to wait a few months while I discover if I am able to be without the meds. I have already been sick on it, so I am scrutinizing every ache and pain I come into during the day. So far it seems that I am a little more sore than usual, but not anything approximating a need for a cane. I will need to intervene if I feel an actual flare coming on. Last time was two and a half years ago while under the stress of the St. Patrick's Day rollout in December. Stress does a number on me, and so long as I can hold it together mentally, I think I may be good to go. I wonder how much of my illness was stress-induced...there's probably a correlation mentally too. I just want to be off of more pills if I can, especially one that costly.

In other news, camping is on hold so long as this monsoon front keeps dripping on us. I have noticed that if there is any rain around, the camp spot gets dumped on for some reason. Just means I need to be careful when I go out. I do think I will continue to go out to that one, bear or no bear. This is why I have the dog. Just need to keep the door open a bit to let him get out and chase away any two or four-footed creatures. But that will probably be till at least September and has to be wiggled around the vacations.

Speaking of vacations, boy am I glad that I cancelled the cruise. The delta variant has been taking hold of the country so there is no reason to endanger people in Bermuda with my germs. It also means that if there are any travel restrictions come October, I will be fine since the cabin is in NM. I planned for that, though it didn't look as likely to be a problem when I booked. Now? Who knows what two months hold in the lifeline of a virus.

So now I need to take the rest of my lunch break and find out what food is going to be this weekend. I'm not going to hit my ideal 200 lbs by my trip in two weeks, but I can certainly get back on the wagon that I have fallen off of since last Sunday. So lots of veggies and fruits in my future!

Plans Change and Bodies are Dumb

The cruise is off.

I just can't endanger people who have to live around cruisers with my own germs. Others will take my place, but I just can't let that be me.

Of course, I have alternate plans: Mountains! Specifically a little cabin near a couple small towns so there should be cell coverage should work implode. Internet can sate the YouTube itch as well. Also will be near a historic town where there are lots of museums. If they're open in October that is. Here's hopin'! Also get to use the extra funds I saved from the ship to pay to take out a tree in my back yard. Ouch, is that expensive.

So I had this grand plan to lose five pounds by the time of the first vacation at one pound per leadup week. Nope. I think I may have actually gained weight! But I think that there's a reason for some of my stupid eating when I am feeling truly hungry in addition to munchy: Estrogen. The damn stuff can affect hunger levels and I have been really lousy about changing my patch on time. If I can get myself back into the schedules, life will be better. I hope. At least that is all I can figure out with the rapid cycle of "This is GREAT!" to "Damn. I ate another burrito in addition to the chicken alfredo earlier" (which was yesterday). Maybe that can lend some sense to the equation. Or not, as it happens to be. But it is a simple thing to check.

I may need to find my old swimsuit to see if that fits for at least the Indiana portion of my vacations. I have new bottoms, but I haven't tried them on and they look really frumpy. Like. Really frumpy. But the bra top with the rash guard should work well, even if the top is rather small at this point. I hate bra shopping and I hate swimwear shopping even more!

Dog has been sad. Ever since he dislocated a toe on his front paw he has been on restricted activity. And even The Cone of Shame. The toe is healed and the raw spot he licked into the joint is mostly healed. But he still insists on licking the bald spot since it itches having fur grow back. So he still gets The Cone at night just to keep him from boredly keeping himself entertained--and making things worse.

The Very Sad Dog getting scritchies

Wanderlust

I'm in a hurry to get out of the state. The wanderlust cannot be sated without it, and I am hoping that the family visits shut it up temporarily. Or for a long while if the boat can't leave port. As of checking today, Bermuda is still on lockdown with no foreigners allowed without a PCR test 1-3 days before arrival. Well, those take 24 hours minimum and we leave on a Sunday. That just isn't going to work. But we have two months to go. If they open in the next month we should be good to go. I will be sad if they have to reschedule since it will no longer be on my birthday, but I will deal with that as it comes, should it come. I'm stressed out about the chance that the flights don't line up with the embarkment times. Going to have to watch my timetables like a hawk to check for a short stop in Denver. At least in early October there is not as much of a chance of snow--not none, but low.

I've been watching lots of cruise-related YouTube videos and am itching to get on a ship NOW. Scoping out food, my room, and trying to remember to pack seasickness pills. We aren't going to have the flat-calm of the ride through the strait in Alaska. I'm close to the center of the ship, slightly forward. I liked the rock of the train, but this is going to be more motion I am sure. Dramamine for the win! Not sure how well I'll do with the dis/embarkation process since it involves many people, but they probably have that worked out. If I have an early flight I am going to make sure my luggage is pared down to minimum to both give me room to buy stuff, but moreso to give me an easy time with self-disembarkment. I think I'm on the 9th floor, so a 7th floor or even 5th floor is doable on the way down.

I've now been off my arthritis meds for a month and no ill effects so far. I think I may be rid of the dreaded RA. Which makes me wonder, did I ever have it or was it just a manifestation of the sheer amount of stress I was under? I know that back in 2005 I was starting to have troubles. even though I was an active and fit 21 year old. So at one point I am sure that I had it and it was uncontrolled. But after that? After 2008? I started Xeljanz just after Jason died, which collated with my symptoms and gut getting better. but that's not causation by any means. So do I still need meds? $4000 meds? I could possibly get a raise if I wasn't on that. I could probably get off one of my other expensive meds that would bring down the costs. The other $300+ two are off the table for getting rid of. So many meds. I want to not have to rely on medication--otc, herbal, or prescription--to get through the day. But that just is not in the cards anymore.

And now, as I sit here contemplating my existence and evaluating my body I am realizing that I hurt. Now I get to decide if I want to hurt and probably eat because of it, or take the blasted meds that can solve the problem... Solve the problem. I don't want to raid my snack cabinet yet. And now lunch and break are done and it is time to go back to doing work, such as it is--slow day. Nice.

Goals

I have a goal: Hit 200 lbs by September 13th for my trip out to Indiana. Why? Because the gift I had planned to myself for 200 was a vacation. An arbitrary number, but it will make me happy to know I can do it. That means that I have six weeks to lose 5-6ish pounds. Then I will go from there. I have already lost 50, so there is hope for me still! 

The next 50 will be a little more difficult since I have not been making exercising a priority, and that is an important part of the deal. I have the tools to do this. Just need to get my arse off the couch and moving. At least I have a treadmill at both houses and exercise bands at my house--no excuse other than being lazy and scared of losing weight.

On that note, I really really (no shit: really) afraid of getting below 200 and I don't know why. Maybe it is because I am going to be the lightest in my family. Maybe it is because I know I need to deny and avoid the treats that are at the parents' house...like cinnamon buns, which are my kryptonite. And cake (less so). And...well...carbs in general. Strength of will and won't. 

With SparkPeople going away I am not too certain what I am going to use to track my calories other than maybe MyNetDiary.com for tracking and Spark360 for tracking. I (obviously) have the blog back up and running for that side of things. Perhaps the new Spark site will have a tracker for more than just exercise. It has gone the route of Noom and behavior modification instead of calories alone. Not sure what I think of that. But if it works, I'll take it. Need to get back to my portions like when I started this whole thing.

But I'm rambling. Can't wait for August to get here, then I will only have a few weeks till the next vacation, rinse, repeat. Time crawls when you are waiting for good things!

 In other news, it has been raining, which is awesome! Bad: no camping in New Mexico when storms are nearby. So I'm stuck in town. But rain is good. The cottonwoods are still sad, but the other trees and bushes are thrilled. The pomegranates are loaded with fruit! I just need to get them watered every week when I can, even if it means traveling up on Monday or Friday for plant watering on travel weeks.

I'm going to have to be in port somewhere too be able to run payroll unless I set up something for using Ms. Ramona's phone, which I am very tempted to do since we have a couple paydays before I leave. It is just necessary for making sure people get paid. I don't want it to be on my head that people don't get paid! So I'll try to make it vacation-proof by being in cell coverage on Thursdays out there.

And on being in port, Bermuda is still pretty locked down on visitation so I'm unsure if we will be able to get off the boat unless we go to the Bahamas instead, and even that requires tests that the boat can't do (like tests 1-3 days before docking when they leave on a Sunday so no way to do that and sail unless it is done on board.).

August! Hurry Up!

I have officially booked vacations for August, September, and October. August: A trip out to see my family in Illinois. September: A trip out to see my brother and family. in California.

Finally, in October: A CRUISE!!!! from New York to Bermuda.and back. I love sea days so I'm loving the schedule. Also, there will be three whole days in Bermuda to check out the lesser-known sights. The price is painful, but with how much I loved the Alaska one, I don't think that is going to be a problem. It will be well worth the experience. I'm super excited for the last vacation of the year.

I can't believe that I am doing all of this. But it will get me out of the state to sate the wanderlust that has been plaguing me lately. The weather hasn't been good for camping, so I'm stuck at home. But it's rain and humidity to make the trees happy. Happy enough that I am not watering the smaller trees. I am planning to water them most every weekend, except when I am out of town for two weeks. They will manage without if I soak well before and after. I also found this little buddy when I was turning on water for the cottonwood:

On the note of the cruise, I am so obsessed with the trip that I have been binging on YouTube videos about cruising and tips/tricks. Just booked my eating as well, so I don't have to worry about it onboard. Obsessed. And I have 93 Days to go. The website told me. Obsessed.

Progress!

 I did it! I made it to 50 pounds lost since last year! I'm 205.5 as of two days ago. Probably back up to 206.5 since that was yesterday. Either way I made it to the goal despite having five months of stagnation. I call that a win! Now I just have at least twenty more to go, preferably fifty more to get down to 150 ish. Not sure if that is going to happen, but I'll figure it out once I get to 180, then 165 before 150. I will need to exercise more to get that far, and that should include more strength training. I could unbury the weight machine in my bedroom at Mom's and use that, which would be a good idea. Or at least the pushups and planks and such. And more hikes.

July 17th, 2020                  June 27, 2021

And on the subject of those hikes, I need to remember that I can still go hiking even if I am not camping. Haven't decided if I have gotten scared of the bear or just wary that he is going to be there, especially if I leave the food and trash out while hiking or sleeping. At least he left in a huff rather than advancing. Good thing to look up on the interwebs. Not sure. But oh, the trees! And the hiking on uneven ground is ideal for shaking up my routine and increasing my ankle strength, despite my boots acting like a crutch sometimes, which is a good thing. So yeah. Time for more hiking, perhaps hitting the national forests that actually have greenery. I'm fine with driving, and the dog is always happy to go for a ride. Have to wait for his foot to heal first though, and that means no more chance of dislocated toe and no more sore. Lots of paw wrapping for the next while until it is no longer itchy otherwise he will keep licking it and getting it back to a raw sore. Till then, no walks. Hell, the rain makes the darn bandage wet, which then transfers to the bandage. Need to leave it on though, and reapply as necessary. Which means no camping until it is all healed up. Probably will be bald on that spot after this, but that's okay so long as it heals.

I think I'm starting to realize portion sizes and figuring out why I am ravenous after dinner--lack of water and boredom, with a little mix of pain thrown in there for a good mix. I can take care of two of those quickly, and the boredom is easy to fix as well if I start another project like the book, which has been languishing in limbo for a while now. And now that the state is opening back up on the 2nd, I can go back to taking up space in a restaurant that has extra tables like Flying Star, or even Starbucks. That is if I can keep my portions to a minimum and just put away the extra for later, especially if I go for something like the strawberry and banana French toast at Flying Star. At least if I go to Starbucks the tea is minimal calories other than the bit of milk and sugar, and the coffee cake is 300 some calories. That could easily count as lunch some Monday or Friday. I wonder if there will be a run on restaurants like Starbucks that have social spaces. Most likely. We shall see. 

Of Dog, Goals, and Choices

Let's just start off by saying that I have a contortionist dog. He got put into the Cone of Shame to nights ago for continually licking a hot spot on his front paw. I thought all was well and no big deal for it to continue to heal. HA! Dog manages to streeeeetch his front paw just far enough to lick the sore while in the cone. But it at least slows him down and it is on its way to healing fairly quickly. And no walking for another week anyway since the joint is still sore. Scritchies inside will just have to do. 

In other news: I'm making progress. I am happy to announce that I am 47 pounds down from where I was in late July last year. I want to use that arbitrary date to hit 50 down so far. I know that it doesn't mean anything for me to hit it, but it is a goal--not something that I have had as of late other than the long-term wish. And it is starting to show, though it amazes me how much it took for me to notice (not just other people) the changes in my body. I don't mind people commenting on how healthy I am looking, or how happy I am looking after I (sometimes) ditch my muumuu tunics and put on a fitted-ish shirt. Makes me feel all fuzzy inside. So I have something to work towards--205.6--then onward to the magical so-called One-derland. Little bits at a time.

And finally, I just may be able to take some time off in the beginning/middle of August/September. Thinking of rolling the health dice for a cruise if the pocketbook can handle it. Being a solo traveler is almost, if not more expensive than two people booking. But I'm not sure I want those dice or the sizeable chunk of cash required. Choices choices. For now, my break time is up. Have fun!

Poor Pooch (and less pooch for me)

 

Yup, that's a bandage on Link's paw. Yesterday I got a call from Mom while I was at work. One of the pooch's front toes was splayed out at an odd angle. He didn't seem in pain and didn't whine when it was touched, but there was something very wrong. So I got the goahead from my boss to bail on work early and get back to my hometown and to the vet there. They were wonderful and worked him in between appointments within two hours of dropping him off. 

In short:
Dislocated toe.

So he has the bandage on his leg for the next four days and then gentle movement after that. Try telling that dog to slow down when he want's to do otherwise. Tearing out around the yard is probably what caused it to dislocate in the first place! But he seems to have taken to the bandage easily and hasn't tried to lick or nibble it off. He is, however, pretty much limping along on three feet now instead of ignoring it. I may need to give him some pain meds left over from one of his previous injuries. I just looked at his other paw and found that his dew claw is partially cracked, hence his licking there. Dang dog just seems to have been looking for trouble as of late.

I've lost 49 pounds since July last year. Forty. Nine. And yet I have trouble seeing it, other than noticing that now I have loose rolls of skin instead of full-flub rolls. I have lost one clothing size in that time (or maybe two if you include that I wasn't wearing the right size at that high end). In almost fifty pounds you would think there would be more movement in visible changes. But I want to be better NOW!

Ahem.

My knees are still unhappy with my weight, despite starting to exercise and working on strengthening everything. But I'm impatient. I want it all now, and with none of the work. Somehow I don't think that it works that way. But my cholesterol has decreased, I guess. That and being a little less easily winded seem to be the only things I see. But apparently other people are noticing.

Last week (week before?) my coworker mentioned that I was looking particularly healthy and was shrinking away (and she said it in a good way). I mentioned that I had been working on it for some time, so I was glad that she noticed. Some people take offense when others mention that they have lost weight--I am not one of those people. I revel in it since I am a people-pleaser. Probably not a healthy way of looking at things. Sort of like losing weight to make others think better of myself. Which is partially true. But I want my body to work better, move easier. So a bit of A, bit of B. 

But my food intake has been erratic. Not hungry much while out camping, then eating all the things during the week. I was 207 when I got back from camping last Sunday, but I was incredibly dehydrated and not much food in me. But it was 207! I have been stuck at 210ish since January, so that was a nice thing to run into. May be I can keep up the momentum and get that last pound before July 23rd when I started this whole thing. It would be nice.

And I'm rambling. So I may need to think about med-time and a snack to round out the night's eating and let everything settle easier.

Back at it!

 I'm back at it again, this time in 2021. Quite the jump, if I do say so myself.

So let me give an overview of the past four years. 

2017

--I got a help for my brains after a solid case of sheer insanity.

--I got official editing done on the book (number 1)

--Started donating platelets regularly (every two weeks-ish)

2018

--I started another book, this time in the vein of the monster hunter trope.

--Went to Alaska with Mom and cruised back down to Bellingham, then flew home.

--Started looking for work in earnest

2019

--Got a new job! A job I love.A job Tuesday through Thursday. Just what I needed!

--Wrote most of the second book

--Got Loki, the brand new Subaru Forester

--Grandpa and Grandma got in a bad wreck. (Grandma still having issues, and probably always will.)

2020

--Pandemic. Nuff said.

--Dad stayed here for a good three months and we ate a little too well.

--Started weight loss in July after hitting 256.5 lbs at a max 

--Took some of the extra time off to go camping in the fall.

2021 so far

--Continuing to lose weight: down to 210lbs as of today

--Pandemic is slowing: got my vaccine in January 

--Been busy camping on a few weekends that I am not giving platelets

Have a photo from the view on the cruise start in Seward. Something I may not be able to do for some time.

So that pretty much sums up what has happened between then and now. I'll post more here later, of course.