The Lingering

Where I Would Like to Linger

It's been a little over a week since I got sick. Not bad anymore, but still sound (and somewhat feel) sick. Thank you, Grandpa. Mom has pneumonia from it, unfortunately, but we got in to see the doc before it had a chance to get really serious. The boss is sick as well, but probably not from me. Today we were going over things that needed done and were talking at each other but not mentally hearing and getting frustrated. We both took a moment to evaluate--the being sick had addled both of our brains. After that brief break we were able to get communicated what needed done. Curse you, germs!

After the FUn of being sick I managed to lose a few pounds. I am taking this as a starting point to lose the 25 I gained shortly before and after surgery. Back to the eating food. Mostly plants. Not too much. And tracking what I eat so I am accountable for what I eat. Side effect of tracking? I can see how much of my foods count as carb, fat, and protein and see how that charts with my innards cooperation. Sounds like a win to me!

I'm apparently one of the few who have gastric problems months out from gallbladder surgery, yay. Freaking yay. So the keto diet just isn't going to work with my system, at least not for now. This weekend I am going to be on easy-to-digest food to see if I can get it under control. I'm not expecting much, to be honest, but I am trying to keep up hope that something will get it calmed down and happy again. But the tracking should help...and may even keep me alert of how many useless carbs I have been eating. (I'm looking at you, cake.) But I am currently large enough that my knees are complaining again and that makes me ready to do something about it. Again. But it is the moving forward that counts.

I talked to one of my docs yesterday and explained that I was starting to get healthy again. She offered meds. I turned her down. I know some of the side effects. Guess what one is? Gastric Issues. Nope. No thank you. I've lost weight in the past (healthily), and I can do it again without extra additions to my daily stresses. My doc thought she was being helpful, and I understand that, but I just couldn't justify the small chance of help losing (and high chance of gaining back after stopping the med) for the high chance of side effects that would be intolerable to me. Nope.

And so I am back to planning meals and shopping with purpose, which I pretty much was doing before--with "purpose" including large amounts of sugary carby goodness. Mom isn't sure if she is going to be able to do the keto diet yet, but I will support her however it turns out. It will just be interesting joining in each other's meals. I've done it before with Jason, so I know that I can do it again if need be. And maybe at that point the innards will have calmed down enough to try it for myself!

When Sharing Goes Wrong

Dearest Grandfather,

Someone taught you to share a little too well. 

Love,

Me

Yupper, he shared his cold with me. And Mom. And Dad. Not COVID, thank goodness, but it's still kicking my butt. I had to take Thursday off from work and cancelled my appointments for Monday.

On a good (?) note, I've lost five pounds, despite drinking a ton of water. Of course, I haven't really been eating much, so that figures.

In other news, my computer is mostly dead. I put in part of the warranty process, but the company requires a phone call to complete the process. First the automated routing couldn't parse my speech. Then the poor Indian man on the other end of the line just couldn't understand me through the coughing. It will just have to wait.

All thanks to a giving grandfather.

Detour

On a break and back safe from the grandparents--dodged and weaved the political and religious topics of conversations and made it through relatively unscathed! The dog got to enjoy all the attention and the car rides. Mom and I got to see them and Dad got to spoil the dog again. But the drive back was...well...oops.

Let me preface this by saying this: I hate Denver driving. Now that that is out of the way, we get into the adventure. I thought I had made it through Denver and its suburbs way to quickly, but I blamed it on focusing on the traffic and construction all over the place. I was confused why the mile marker numbers were getting bigger rather than smaller. I blamed this on not knowing which direction the numbers go on interstates.

I was wrong.

Mom woke up about fifty miles from Nebraska and pointed out that we may indeed be going the wrong direction. We were. Whereby "We" really means "I" was going the wrong direction since she was asleep since Denver. Oh well. We switched drivers since I was obviously no good to drive and she drove back the 45 miles till we could take a different road south on a parallel to the interstate (a road we also are familiar with). Oops.

So we got into town at around 2am, with Mom driving the night section, instead of midnight or 11 we would have been without the detour. That will teach me to focus more on construction than staying on the right road. I'll chock it up to Denver craziness instead of me just being dumb. At least that is what I tell myself.

I had to sleep in this morning, but I had already given my boss a head's up about perhaps being late or gone for today. I was sure glad I did because I am pretty tired already (though I have had less caffeine today than usual for a workday). 

I also stepped on the scale expecting to have gained another 5 pounds since last check. Nope. No change despite traveling and overeating in general. I am going to start watching what I eat even before I hear back on Mom's status for doing the keto diet. I may even be able to do it myself if need be, since I got permission to do it even while on lithium, with close monitoring and self-checkins. We shall see. Not sure if it is a good idea or not, but I can at least start the transfer over to healthy eating again after falling off the wagon for the last two months (two? I have no idea).

And now, I will begrudgingly get back to work on a caffeine low. Not long to go anyway. 

Trepidation

I have two things happening over the next week that have me freaking out majorly, like, panic attack freak. The first is that I am braving the cold with my mother to drive up to my grandparents. They are...difficult. To say the least. But at 87 and 90 they are pretty set in their ways at this point. We don't share much along the lines of politics and (unbeknownst to them) religion. I love them dearly, but I dread spending more than a day with them because lots of feelings get hurt on all sides and snide comments attack both Mom and me on a regular basis. But I love them and it means that I can keep them from trying to drive 800 miles down to see us here and kill themselves or someone else on their way (reference ages and add frail health).

Number two is self-inflicted with the idea to help both my mother and myself and scares the living crap out of me. That would be endeavoring on a ketogenic diet (with mine as only a maybe since my meds may cause troubles with it), or something near it (if there are problems). Mom initiated this journey through prodding from her healthcare provider with a free keto monitoring and support package. I'm on board if it makes us healthy and helps out her at the same time, though without the strict medical guidance. I'm comfortable on my side since I am familiar with the diet from when I was helping Jason with the diet long ago. I did a modified version for me then. Dad's not really sure what he is in for, but we are going to try to make meals that we all can eat with modifications. It's going to be difficult with all the added pitfalls around the house like dried fruit and candy around. Heck. The bread. The blasted real bread is going to be my downfall if I am not careful. I'm planning on picking up some of the fake keto stuff just to keep myself sane. And then there's cereal that will be back in the house. Those two things, bread and cereal, are the bane of my dietary health. Going low-carb should put a damper on many of the things I would normally nosh on.

So I'm a little over my head on the keto thing and I'm not sure how long either of us are going to last. When one of us falls, the other is likely to crumble. With our stubbornness we are likely to prod each other into keeping at it for at least a while. I am hoping that, after the initial withdrawal, things go smoothly without too many slip-ups. I am going to miss the cinnamon rolls and fresh treats terribly. She can't have fake sugars, but doesn't usually crave sweets so she should be fine on that route. Me? I'm going to be relying on some extra supermarket help for my sanity. I'm going to keep it real food, but I need my sweet tooth cradled from time to time. Yeah, yeah, I know that having fake-sweetened food is supposedly a bad idea, but I am going to need it, especially at first.

So there you have it: TLDR: Going to visit cranky grandparents (with Mom). Starting a new diet (with Mom).

The Blinking Light

It's amazing what a phone message can do. A simple message.

Today was difficult at work, and I'm just now taking lunch to get a break. Things were going wrong, the pace too fast for my brain, and my body interfering and needing to be close to the restroom. It was not a pleasant morning. 

Then I noticed that there was a flashing light on my phone indicating a message for me. I hate messages. They mean more people to interact with who may be hostile for not getting a human.

But this was different. There was a woman who was almost in tears thanking me for my note on her receipt that I sent out before I left on vacation. She had apologized for not giving more when she sent in her donation. I had simply scribbled a short note thanking her donation and that we appreciate her support no matter the size of donation. She sounded...in awe that someone cared? loved as a person?...that I had sent the note. She was in desperate times, with her husband sick and finances tight, and she still took the the time and effort to donate to us, and to think that she was guilty that it wasn't more. Guilt!

So her thanks just made my day. Kindness does come around. I have it saved to my archive for days that I can really use a reminder of why I like my job. And I do.

Did I Learn Nothing?

Last week was breaking myself from sugars. Yesterday when I got back into Albuquerque I fell right back into the same carby pattern. I'm just... Disappointed.

I lost three pounds last week. I'm sure I'll put that right back on if I'm not careful. Hell, today's lunch was a hamburger and onion rings. At least I got a no-calorie drink and only ate half of the bun. But still. *Sigh* 

Also, Link now knows the word "hike." 

On a good note, I bought a pair of hiking boots--the same brand and model I have been wearing for over a decade, Merrells--and bought a different size since it's been a while since I have been fitted. They fit really well in the store. Then I went on a two mile hike today over varied terrain. Toes were scrunched slightly. Thank goodness I bought them from REI since I can take them back with no penalty. But I got in the hike! Also note that just because his tongue is hanging out does not mean I have neglected to offer him water. He's just being an idiot and not drinking at this point in the hike.