Of Meds and Travel

Here's a good thing (at least a thing): I'm coming off of one of my meds--the one that controls my RA, or at least has over the past eight years. It also happens to be over $4000 dollars, something that I can't afford if I am on my own insurance. But just maybe, maybe, I can become more independent, ask for a raise and be able to actually survive and thrive without Medicaid. I know I could get a raise, it is just a matter of how much I would have to make to break even and make more through that raise. There is no reason to get a raise when I won't be able to afford my medical care despite the extra income.

But that dilemma will have to wait a few months while I discover if I am able to be without the meds. I have already been sick on it, so I am scrutinizing every ache and pain I come into during the day. So far it seems that I am a little more sore than usual, but not anything approximating a need for a cane. I will need to intervene if I feel an actual flare coming on. Last time was two and a half years ago while under the stress of the St. Patrick's Day rollout in December. Stress does a number on me, and so long as I can hold it together mentally, I think I may be good to go. I wonder how much of my illness was stress-induced...there's probably a correlation mentally too. I just want to be off of more pills if I can, especially one that costly.

In other news, camping is on hold so long as this monsoon front keeps dripping on us. I have noticed that if there is any rain around, the camp spot gets dumped on for some reason. Just means I need to be careful when I go out. I do think I will continue to go out to that one, bear or no bear. This is why I have the dog. Just need to keep the door open a bit to let him get out and chase away any two or four-footed creatures. But that will probably be till at least September and has to be wiggled around the vacations.

Speaking of vacations, boy am I glad that I cancelled the cruise. The delta variant has been taking hold of the country so there is no reason to endanger people in Bermuda with my germs. It also means that if there are any travel restrictions come October, I will be fine since the cabin is in NM. I planned for that, though it didn't look as likely to be a problem when I booked. Now? Who knows what two months hold in the lifeline of a virus.

So now I need to take the rest of my lunch break and find out what food is going to be this weekend. I'm not going to hit my ideal 200 lbs by my trip in two weeks, but I can certainly get back on the wagon that I have fallen off of since last Sunday. So lots of veggies and fruits in my future!

Plans Change and Bodies are Dumb

The cruise is off.

I just can't endanger people who have to live around cruisers with my own germs. Others will take my place, but I just can't let that be me.

Of course, I have alternate plans: Mountains! Specifically a little cabin near a couple small towns so there should be cell coverage should work implode. Internet can sate the YouTube itch as well. Also will be near a historic town where there are lots of museums. If they're open in October that is. Here's hopin'! Also get to use the extra funds I saved from the ship to pay to take out a tree in my back yard. Ouch, is that expensive.

So I had this grand plan to lose five pounds by the time of the first vacation at one pound per leadup week. Nope. I think I may have actually gained weight! But I think that there's a reason for some of my stupid eating when I am feeling truly hungry in addition to munchy: Estrogen. The damn stuff can affect hunger levels and I have been really lousy about changing my patch on time. If I can get myself back into the schedules, life will be better. I hope. At least that is all I can figure out with the rapid cycle of "This is GREAT!" to "Damn. I ate another burrito in addition to the chicken alfredo earlier" (which was yesterday). Maybe that can lend some sense to the equation. Or not, as it happens to be. But it is a simple thing to check.

I may need to find my old swimsuit to see if that fits for at least the Indiana portion of my vacations. I have new bottoms, but I haven't tried them on and they look really frumpy. Like. Really frumpy. But the bra top with the rash guard should work well, even if the top is rather small at this point. I hate bra shopping and I hate swimwear shopping even more!

Dog has been sad. Ever since he dislocated a toe on his front paw he has been on restricted activity. And even The Cone of Shame. The toe is healed and the raw spot he licked into the joint is mostly healed. But he still insists on licking the bald spot since it itches having fur grow back. So he still gets The Cone at night just to keep him from boredly keeping himself entertained--and making things worse.

The Very Sad Dog getting scritchies

Wanderlust

I'm in a hurry to get out of the state. The wanderlust cannot be sated without it, and I am hoping that the family visits shut it up temporarily. Or for a long while if the boat can't leave port. As of checking today, Bermuda is still on lockdown with no foreigners allowed without a PCR test 1-3 days before arrival. Well, those take 24 hours minimum and we leave on a Sunday. That just isn't going to work. But we have two months to go. If they open in the next month we should be good to go. I will be sad if they have to reschedule since it will no longer be on my birthday, but I will deal with that as it comes, should it come. I'm stressed out about the chance that the flights don't line up with the embarkment times. Going to have to watch my timetables like a hawk to check for a short stop in Denver. At least in early October there is not as much of a chance of snow--not none, but low.

I've been watching lots of cruise-related YouTube videos and am itching to get on a ship NOW. Scoping out food, my room, and trying to remember to pack seasickness pills. We aren't going to have the flat-calm of the ride through the strait in Alaska. I'm close to the center of the ship, slightly forward. I liked the rock of the train, but this is going to be more motion I am sure. Dramamine for the win! Not sure how well I'll do with the dis/embarkation process since it involves many people, but they probably have that worked out. If I have an early flight I am going to make sure my luggage is pared down to minimum to both give me room to buy stuff, but moreso to give me an easy time with self-disembarkment. I think I'm on the 9th floor, so a 7th floor or even 5th floor is doable on the way down.

I've now been off my arthritis meds for a month and no ill effects so far. I think I may be rid of the dreaded RA. Which makes me wonder, did I ever have it or was it just a manifestation of the sheer amount of stress I was under? I know that back in 2005 I was starting to have troubles. even though I was an active and fit 21 year old. So at one point I am sure that I had it and it was uncontrolled. But after that? After 2008? I started Xeljanz just after Jason died, which collated with my symptoms and gut getting better. but that's not causation by any means. So do I still need meds? $4000 meds? I could possibly get a raise if I wasn't on that. I could probably get off one of my other expensive meds that would bring down the costs. The other $300+ two are off the table for getting rid of. So many meds. I want to not have to rely on medication--otc, herbal, or prescription--to get through the day. But that just is not in the cards anymore.

And now, as I sit here contemplating my existence and evaluating my body I am realizing that I hurt. Now I get to decide if I want to hurt and probably eat because of it, or take the blasted meds that can solve the problem... Solve the problem. I don't want to raid my snack cabinet yet. And now lunch and break are done and it is time to go back to doing work, such as it is--slow day. Nice.

Goals

I have a goal: Hit 200 lbs by September 13th for my trip out to Indiana. Why? Because the gift I had planned to myself for 200 was a vacation. An arbitrary number, but it will make me happy to know I can do it. That means that I have six weeks to lose 5-6ish pounds. Then I will go from there. I have already lost 50, so there is hope for me still! 

The next 50 will be a little more difficult since I have not been making exercising a priority, and that is an important part of the deal. I have the tools to do this. Just need to get my arse off the couch and moving. At least I have a treadmill at both houses and exercise bands at my house--no excuse other than being lazy and scared of losing weight.

On that note, I really really (no shit: really) afraid of getting below 200 and I don't know why. Maybe it is because I am going to be the lightest in my family. Maybe it is because I know I need to deny and avoid the treats that are at the parents' house...like cinnamon buns, which are my kryptonite. And cake (less so). And...well...carbs in general. Strength of will and won't. 

With SparkPeople going away I am not too certain what I am going to use to track my calories other than maybe MyNetDiary.com for tracking and Spark360 for tracking. I (obviously) have the blog back up and running for that side of things. Perhaps the new Spark site will have a tracker for more than just exercise. It has gone the route of Noom and behavior modification instead of calories alone. Not sure what I think of that. But if it works, I'll take it. Need to get back to my portions like when I started this whole thing.

But I'm rambling. Can't wait for August to get here, then I will only have a few weeks till the next vacation, rinse, repeat. Time crawls when you are waiting for good things!

 In other news, it has been raining, which is awesome! Bad: no camping in New Mexico when storms are nearby. So I'm stuck in town. But rain is good. The cottonwoods are still sad, but the other trees and bushes are thrilled. The pomegranates are loaded with fruit! I just need to get them watered every week when I can, even if it means traveling up on Monday or Friday for plant watering on travel weeks.

I'm going to have to be in port somewhere too be able to run payroll unless I set up something for using Ms. Ramona's phone, which I am very tempted to do since we have a couple paydays before I leave. It is just necessary for making sure people get paid. I don't want it to be on my head that people don't get paid! So I'll try to make it vacation-proof by being in cell coverage on Thursdays out there.

And on being in port, Bermuda is still pretty locked down on visitation so I'm unsure if we will be able to get off the boat unless we go to the Bahamas instead, and even that requires tests that the boat can't do (like tests 1-3 days before docking when they leave on a Sunday so no way to do that and sail unless it is done on board.).

August! Hurry Up!

I have officially booked vacations for August, September, and October. August: A trip out to see my family in Illinois. September: A trip out to see my brother and family. in California.

Finally, in October: A CRUISE!!!! from New York to Bermuda.and back. I love sea days so I'm loving the schedule. Also, there will be three whole days in Bermuda to check out the lesser-known sights. The price is painful, but with how much I loved the Alaska one, I don't think that is going to be a problem. It will be well worth the experience. I'm super excited for the last vacation of the year.

I can't believe that I am doing all of this. But it will get me out of the state to sate the wanderlust that has been plaguing me lately. The weather hasn't been good for camping, so I'm stuck at home. But it's rain and humidity to make the trees happy. Happy enough that I am not watering the smaller trees. I am planning to water them most every weekend, except when I am out of town for two weeks. They will manage without if I soak well before and after. I also found this little buddy when I was turning on water for the cottonwood:

On the note of the cruise, I am so obsessed with the trip that I have been binging on YouTube videos about cruising and tips/tricks. Just booked my eating as well, so I don't have to worry about it onboard. Obsessed. And I have 93 Days to go. The website told me. Obsessed.