Sunday, December 15, 2013

On the Holidays

It was September when I last wrote a post and boy have I been busy! Two trips to visit family eight-hundred miles away, a growing pup, and lots of time to avoid thinking of the coming holidays.

Yup. Avoidance. I am not looking forward to the extra emotions that are tied to Christmas and New Years Day. Christmas shopping/making/baking? Darn little. Christmas cards? Hah! I have letters that I started back in October that I just can't seem to finish, despite having time.  It is a good thing that I have the bills on autopay or I probably would be spacing those as well!

There is good news though, I have found a new normal. It isn't complete by any means, but it is stable. Link gives me a mandatory reason to get out of bed each day, as well as a pretty good reason to go TO bed as well (since I will be up in the morning when he needs to go out). Since we are in dog training lessons I also have to get out and see people at least once a week who are not in my core circle of friends. I even generally have friends over to play games on Sunday too, so I have planned engagements with friends.

The Holidays are Coming
I have noticed over the past couple months is that if I don't plan something concretely, then there is NO way that it will happen. "Eventually" doesn't cut it. Planning is no guarantee that I will do the task, but it at least ups the chances drastically. This means that I have to actually plan things that I would rather ignore: talking to yet more medical billing places, writing letters, calling people, working on the yard, getting/staying healthy.

One thing I have noticed since his death is hat I have no more problems eating... the opposite is true in that I just don't stop. Sure, I can blame it on prednisone, which does increase my appetite and keep me from feeling full. I could blame it on unhappy innards that just don't want to work right. But when it comes right down to it, I am the one who puts fork to mouth. I tend to eat when I am feeling under the weather or stressed, so combine those two and you have a recipe for thirty extra pounds from my lowest weight despite a fair amount more exercise.

This is Not Optional, so Get Ready
So here comes Christmas: a time of family get-togethers, food, and reminiscing. Bah Humbug!

Well...mostly. I did put up my little tree and three nativity sets last Friday, but those don't involve anyone but me and the dog. He tried to put away the packing paper... in his stomach. What a helper! I love my family--both sides, adopted and blood relatives--and they have all been a blessing for me time and time again. I just ... it's not the same and it is not going to be. This is all about finding a new normal. The two year old in me is screaming, "I dun wanna!" at the top of its thoughts, while the rational adult in me firmly chides, "Tough."

Luckily for me I have an out:

Thanks to this article over at Huffington Post I have full permission to take care of me this season. Why permission? Because my mother sent me the article; therefore, I have a get-out-of-forced-family-fun-free card. I am allowed to have plans--or not--as I choose, and that choice may change in an instant. It's okay. I am allowed.

Eventually I'll Get Past This Too
 So I have a method of getting past the giant Buffalo in my road of life: Plan, Change, Move On.

Then that just can become a new memory to add to the new normal. Besides, without new experiences you never get to try new things...

Like Link in Snow!
And by the by, the scrawny runt of a pup has gone from his 20 lbs. when I found him up to just over 47 lbs. as of yesterday. My brown eyed baby is growing out! (Well, he was too old to really grow up, so out will just have to work.)

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