I Did It! Now What?

Two hundred pounds! I made it! So why do I feel so bad?

I overate yesterday big time, celebrating my new victory--with food. Not the smartest thing to do when trying to lose weight. This morning, thanks to the extra food and drink, I weighed 201.5, which is no biggie since I know that it is not my...what shall I call it?...true weight. But still. Grr.

I think that for some reason I am trying to sabotage myself. Not consciously, but very much a real problem. It has been years since I was below 200. I now have only fifty to sixty pounds to go, but hey, that is a third of the way there. Maybe there is part of me that is holding on to a known part of my life. Perhaps it is because I think I don't deserve to be healthy (a horrible idea, but I know that it is there). Why? Who the bleep knows.

There is a new-to-me treadmill sitting in my living room now making it impossible for me to procrastinate walking... well, it should make it impossible. Yet I am sitting like a lump here on my comfy chair. I just paid for another year of pool use too, despite not having gone in a while. More on that in a bit. There are options for exercise depending on how I am feeling, yet the gumption to get up and do it is lacking and no amount of kicks to the rear seem to be changing that. Perhaps over-caffeinating would work.

So I need to find a real kick in the rear to counteract the self-sabotaging that I have been part of for a while. One good way to do that is to get back into swimming. Which I tried and failed miserably.

I figured that my old suit was not going to be up to the task of containing my (rather pain-in-the-back) boobage, so I dug out my new suit and tried it on. Success! It fit! I had a list of things to bring and do while at the pool. Pay for a year's pass which involved taking my checkbook with me, trade out suits, trade out towel, go for a swim, and (if I remembered) fill up my soap bottle.

I got to the pool, went to pay for the pass...and forgot my checkbook at home. Fine. I decided that I may as well try out the new suit. I get all situated and admire the results. Off to the pool!

About fifteen feet in I realize there is a problem: my built-in life preservers are trying to escape their holder. Fine. I can just do a different stroke. They truly escaped their holder. Whoops! Razzumfrassum grr. Back out of the pool I go, less than five minutes since I got in.

So I shower off and get back into clothes, growling all the way. I remembered the soap so I got that taken care of. Then I walk out without the old suit or switching out towels. At least I took home the new suit to alter it.

I get home and realize that nothing got accomplished except the thing that I had marked as optional.

At least I remembered the soap.