Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Anniversaries and Squeaky Wheels

Achievement Unlocked: One Year a Widow!

The end of last month was the one year anniversary of my husband's passing. While I was a little more insane than usual, it was not anywhere near as bad I figured it would be. That could be due to staying at my parents' house to lessen the stress, or the different stress of my dog going lame and needing emergency treatment on the same day as the anniversary. 

How can added stress help alleviate existing stress?
Easy: distraction.
I was too busy worrying about my pooch being unable to stand to dwell on the past.

That is not to say that there weren't some serious arguments, complete with cussing, at the deity of my choice (no answers, so it was a rather one-sided argument). It can be summed up in one profanity-free sentence, "Dear God, don't let me have two reasons to mourn on this date!"

Link, my 15 month old dog, did end up being alright--albeit very sore--from what I now know to be arthritic damage from past injuries. He is probably going to need surgery at some point, but for now he is just going to have to be on meds and restricted puppy activity.

In addition to that one night of insanity, I have had several short bouts of random craziness, especially at night when I start to analyze things that must, should, could, or might happen. Brains really should come with an off button! During the day there are lots of distractions to keep my brain from running circles like a mouse on a squeaky wheel, but at night...squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak!

So I write in my journal and dump as much of the worry and planning and random thoughts onto paper so my brain has less to think about. Less mouse food I guess! It has worked for over eight years, and I don't see myself giving it up with how well it keeps me sane. The scribbling keeps the mouse at bay, or at least keeps the squeaking to a minimum.

Link AKA the Snoring Blanket Hog
The soft contented doggie snores next to me reassure me that I am doing something good, even if it is just making an abandoned and unloved pup have as good of a life as he can possibly have. That is good enough for me. And that feeling helps me deal with pain from past loss, all the better.

Link is welcome in my Widowdom as long as he wants to be here, and heck, I think I have this whole caring-for-damaged-beings down to a science now. I am even finally learning to take care of my own slightly-damaged self! Damage just serves to build character--not that I need any more--and wisdom--which I can always use more of.

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