This time of year is when Jason started really declining. 10.5 years since he passed, but the slow progression of his cancer really became evident at this point in the year. But I am healing over time. And it also brings up hard memories that I also cherish just as much as the good.
One example is when he was supposed to deliver a presentation to the IEEE conference in Santa Fe in December of 2012. He wanted so badly to go, but his speech and cognition was just not there enough anymore for a live presentation. I offered to be his spokesperson, but we both knew that it was just not going to happen. It was with heavy hearts that we canceled his presentation, knowing that we had reached a milestone that we never wanted to happen. He was on what we referred to as the Tumor Fryer (I have a previous blog referring to that one here) and we were hoping for a miracle but realizing that miracles are few and far between. He had worked so hard to be invited to that event and it crushed him knowing that he couldn't participate. He decided not to go at all due to his speech issues.
The Empty Lectern
Having to cancel that presentation was, in some ways, an admission of defeat. An admission that the inevitable was happening. Something that we had staved off for far longer than any of his doctors though possible--all thanks to friends and family that supported us physically, financially, and emotionally. You have no idea how much you all helped, especially just knowing that someone was thinking about us and rooting us on. (Are there onions being chopped in here? I feel onions.) Thank you all so much!
No comments:
Post a Comment