Life Thriving on the Destruction
Yup, that's a lava flow with a healthy population of plants that have taken root and made a place for themselves. I've had that destruction, that complete wiping away of what was. Yet, I am finding that year by year I am finding more of myself--more life, more of me, not just what had happened in the past. And it feels good. Confusing, not having a concrete goal in life and rather a nebulous 'do good work' type of thing. Not having an end point feels strange. When helping Jason along there were several end points that eventually all played out with his death. And with the Rheumatoid Arthritis the goal was always to get the stress low enough to find remission. That too happened. So I was left sort of drifting for many years. Volunteering helped, as did a few vacations to push me to move. With a job that I love and feel needed in, and more importantly that I am doing something good for other people, I am finding new purpose. New life. No. More life.
I'm taking care of myself, exploring when I can, and in a brain space where I am *gasp* semi-to-mostly stable. And COVID-19 be damned, but I am living life. (I even have colored masks to run my errands--something else to make me happy.) I suppose that my hermit tendencies have served me well during lockdown on down to now. I am having to poke out of my hermitting to go see people again since there is no real reason not to anymore. Small steps.
So yeah, I'm emerging from the reset of the lava flow of life and taking hold where I can to bring about a new me. A better (?) me. Different. Yes. A different me.
No comments:
Post a Comment