Monday, January 30, 2017

Why do I write? To feel.

Sometimes life is too slow, too numb. How do I fix that emptiness? My favorite method: writing.

For about a year and a half I have been slowly creating and editing a sci-fi/fantasy book that I hope to eventually publish. Now I know that publishing is highly unlikely, but it is something to strive for. I have lost count of how many times I have done complete edits of the book, but every time I read it I find more errors and things that need fixed/expanded.

With every round of editing I go through a cycle of emotions.
-begrudgingly starting, here we go again
-elation, isn't my writing great?
-rush of energy, who needs sleep?
-frustration, didn't I edit this before?
-anxiety, story lines too close to home
-hope, I can do this
-depression, I am a horrible writer
-acceptance, it is what it is

Why do I put myself through this? Good question. And I don't really know why except that I get extreme satisfaction that I got this far, whether or not it ever gets published. I wait at least a month before re-editing the book. Each time I find new things that I didn't even realize I wrote--call them Easter eggs if you will. I also find whole sections that I look at and realize, "I can do better." Those parts require serious editing and re-editing...which oftentimes makes the section worse than it started. Frustrating to say the least.

Eventually, I accept that the book is as good as I can make it for the time being and I hang it up for another month or so. The whole mental roller coaster is cathartic in a wonderful (and free) way.

Why do I write? To understand life, to make myself better, to feel something--anything--when life has grown too empty.

No comments:

Post a Comment