Saturday, July 23, 2016

The Book. The Doubt.

I am writing a book--even have most of it written. It is a sci-fi story about a distopian near future full of cyberware, drugs, and choices. About every one to two months I pick it up and start editing, start adding to it. It's a constant process and it is about time to start again. I also have a short story that I have been working on for almost as long as the book.

It's scary.

I read some sections and think, "Holy hell, this is great!" But normally the reaction I get is, "What the hell, why would anyone want to read this?" The self doubt is crazy. Brainz (with a z) on repeat saying, "You're not good enough. It's not good enough." Okay, so that last bit it true, for now.

But how do you know when it is good enough? Good enough to share with friends? Good enough to share with others? I don't know yet. I don't know that I ever will be positive.

So what now? Keep editing. Adjusting. Fiddling. Pushing till it works as best as I can. Which leads us back to questioning what I think is the best I can do. It never will be good enough in my eyes--of that I am sure. But if it never is, then how can I try publishing it? I can't.

Fear. Doubt, Insecurity. All these things are written into the pages. It doesn't matter if it is a short work or a full book, all those things are intertwined. Now I am trying to tease apart the emotions from the stories, but that can be dangerous and leave the writing cold and wanting. I need to figure out at what point it is really good enough. Not perfect. Good enough.

Till then, till I get to "good enough," I will keep at it and adjust as needed. Anyone know how to overcome the doubt? Not the immediate doubt--the necessary doubt to fix major issues--but the permanent doubt--the doubt that paralyzes perfectly good writing.

How do I overcome that?

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